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Stuck in a dating rut?

2011-03-21T17:52:00.001-07:00

Are You Stuck in a Dating Rut?
From Tesh.com

If you’ve been looking for love, but striking out every time, then you may be stuck in what experts call a “dating rut.” That’s when your bad luck with dating has more to do with your attitude than with the people you’re meeting! So, here are some tips to help you get out of the most common dating ruts:

•Rut #1: You think dating’s a waste of time because you never feel sparks. Dr. Laurie Helgoe is a psychologist who says don’t confuse a neutral reaction with a negative one. In other words, it’s one thing to give up on a date because you don’t like the person, but if you’re walking away because you don’t feel instant chemistry, then stop! Dr. Helgoe says put your “romance radar” on hold for now, and focus on being friends first. The sparks may come later.

•Dating Rut #2: The people you date never live up to your expectations. Thanks to online dating profiles, experts say a lot of people focus on a date’s “résumé,” and not on how the person makes them feel. As any hiring manager can tell you, perfect résumés never guarantee perfect hires! So focus on dates who make you feel your happiest – regardless of what they look like, what they do or how much money they make.

•The next Dating Rut: You never meet anyone with long-term potential. Dr. Helgoe has two words for you: “slow down.” You need to remember that a date is not a marriage proposal! So don’t obsess about how many kids you might have together five minutes into your first dinner date. Enjoy each date for what it is – a chance to get to know somebody, and have a good time.

•One more Dating Rut: You’re convinced all the “good ones” are taken already. Our expert says unlike what you see in the movies, the best romances don’t involve being swept off your feet by princes who live in castles. In fact, they’re more likely to involve people closer to home –even if it’s the neighbor you always have great conversations with while taking out the trash! The lesson? The “good ones” are everywhere. You just have to open your mind to seeing them.

What Do Men and Women Really Think About Dating?

2011-02-01T08:04:00.000-08:00

From Tesh.com

Yahoo Shine conducted a survey of over 2,000 people about everything from the perfect date, to whether chivalry is dead. Here are the answers:

•First, what do men and women want most in a relationship? It’s not looks. That was tied for #3 with shared interests and hobbies. #2 on the must-have dating list is brains, and #1 is personality.

•Another result of the dating survey: Men and women like different types of dates. Women prefer dates involving an activity, like bowling, hiking or going to the movies, while men prefer dinner and drinks, especially in the early stages of a relationship.

•Also: Chivalry is not dead. Half of the women surveyed said that chivalry “didn’t matter much” to them, but 69% of men consider themselves old-fashioned gentlemen, and are more than willing to open the door, and pick up the check.

•Another survey discovery: Men spend an average of $80 on a date – which is twice as much as women do when they pick up the tab. However, more women than ever are willing to split the bill after the third date.

•Both men and women said that dating is more complicated than ever. You have to pay attention to how you look and act while you’re on a date, but the way you present yourself online can also affect your love life. In fact, almost half of the respondents said they make the first move by “friending” someone they’re interested in on Facebook, and then make judgments based on what’s in the profile.

•Also, before your first date, you can bet you’ve been scoped out on Facebook, and that your date has Googled your name to see what kind of information is available about you on the Internet.

•Men and women both say that staying in touch via Facebook is fine, but 75% prefer a post first-date follow-up by phone. That means a call, not a text. Most of them want to hear from you within three days.

Long Island Singles Speed Dating NY NY

Women confusing men

2011-01-07T16:51:00.000-08:00

The content comes from Tesh.com

Ladies, You’re Baffling The Guys in Your Life!

Gals, you are conveying a large amount of mixed messages - and puzzling us men. You desire to be the boss, at work and at home. You desire to be self-reliant and equal. But, when it reaches romance, you prefer it old fashioned, where the person in your life gives you flowers and jewellery, plans your dates, chooses the eating places, picks up the tab, plus holds the door for you. That’s leaving a considerable amount of men confused.

Dr. Tara Sommer, a professor from the University of Nevada, affirms regardless of how commanding and self-reliant a lady is, she still wants to be pursued, protected and cared for. Why? Because being wooed ties into age-old instincts - and boosts ranges of feel-good and bonding hormones, like dopamine and oxytocin. Each time a man brings you flowers, or drives you to your airport, it displays he’s taking good care of you, and women who are tough in the office may experience much more of a need to be treated like a lady at home.

The picture of old-fashioned romance can be drilled into our heads through our father and mother, links, ads, movie channels, plus realism shows like “The Bachelor.” Technology has made everything less romantic - with dates being replaced with offers to “hang out” plus letters being replaced by text. Since the 70s, men have learned to treat women as equals.

So they worry that if he takes her coat, or insists on paying for dinner, the woman may feel insulted!

So, what’s the fix? Professor Sommer affirms it’s easy. Don’t make men guess what you fancy. Instead, converse your expectations. Say, more often than not, that you aspire to be equivalent partners plus contribute to the load, but on date nights and extraordinary events, you’d like him to take the lead.

Long Island Singles; Speed Dating NY NY

From Noob to 'Natural'

2010-05-10T09:50:00.000-07:00

Hi Jay, please consider passing this article along to your readers. I found it on AOL a few days ago. For the male readers who do not want to spend $1,500-$2,000 I offer more affordable services in the Long Island area and offer a free consultation.

*wink*
Jeff Magic
http://www.learndatingmagic.com/
631-258-8595
Looking for Singles Events Long Island ?
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Appeared on Aol.com

From Noob to 'Natural' -- The New Rules for Picking Up Women

A confession: I'm 38, single, and until recently I had never, ever approached an attractive stranger.

I've been lucky enough to date some of the most amazing women, via work or Match.com. But when I see that Jessica Alba lookalike at the bar, I ... can't ... move ... my ... legs. It's called approach anxiety, and it's taken a toll.

If you figure a guy notices at least five beautiful girls per day, then I have failed to approach 37,000 women in my adult life. I repeat: I'm 0 for 37,000.

I had to act. Not for my sex life, but my self-esteem.

I found Real Social Dynamics, a company that conducts approach boot camps in 250 cities worldwide as well as offering online dating advice.

Many dating gurus mirror the quasi-manipulative, push-button formula described in Neil Strauss's 2005 book "The Game": flashy clothes + scripted material = serious nookie. But Real Social Dynamics purported to teach something a little less militaristic.

Call it Natural Game. Co-founded by Owen Cook (better known as Tyler Durden in "The Game"), RSD is supposed to help guys find their own free-wheeling, authentic dating style, without crutches like fur coats or palm-reading.

It sounded good, so I decided to spend three exhilarating days chatting up New York City women with my guide, a charismatic 25-year-old RSD instructor named Ryan. Keep reading to find out why the $1,500–$2,000 fee was a bargain.

Here are four of the golden rules of Natural Game.

1. Learn to Love Rejection

If you approach, you will be rejected. A lot. The trick, Ryan said in a pre-game session, is detachment from outcome, which is straight out of Eastern philosophy. "If you approach, you've succeeded," Ryan said. "You only fail when you want to approach and don't. So approach. Everything after is icing."

2. Approach With Bracing Honesty

As I anxiously entered a rooftop bar in the shadow of the Empire State Building, Ryan, who has literally approached thousands of women, laid down the law. "No pickup lines allowed," he said. "Walk up to women and say what you feel in the moment. Speak your deepest truth. Women respond to authenticity, not rehearsed lines."

Speak your deepest truth. Cheesy, but I liked the Zen vibe. He said, "Your true self is always coming through, so if you're nervous, don't hide it, or she'll sense something is off. You'll seem incongruent. If you're nervous, be Nervous Guy. That's your approach!" It made trippy sense. Overcoming fear conveys courage, an attractive trait.

Two gorgeous brunettes in black boots sipped Cosmos on a couch. I felt like Richard Dreyfuss entering the shark cage in "Jaws." ("I got no spit") I slid in. "Hi," I said. "I'm kind of shy, but I told myself I would talk to the first beautiful women I saw tonight. I'm Connell." Dorky, but sincere. I braced for a "Buzz off, pal."

"Suuure, you're real shy," one of them purred. Whoa. By being open with my nervousness -- by owning it -- I somehow seemed together, congruent. Could it be that simple?

3. Show Romantic Intent

"The Game" revealed the pickup artist's secret weapon: the neg, a poison-dart remark designed to puncture a beautiful woman's ego while disguising your attraction. Then, with her shields down, you sneak in and game her. Full disclosure: I used to neg Match dates, telling one girl, "I prefer 10s, but I like your personality." What a jerk.

Instead of feigning lack of interest, Natural Game says to approach with honest, ballsy intent. Be love-struck. Be amazed. Be John Cusack in "Yet Another Soul-Crushingly Bad Rom-Com," directed by Garry Marshall.

In Barnes & Noble, a willowy Indian girl exerted a gravitational pull on the retinas of every man in the DVD section. My heart slam-danced against my ribs. I went in. "Excuse me," I said. "I never hit on random girls, but I just had to tell you how stunning you are ..."

"Wow, thanks!" She was beaming. She didn't run or blow a rape whistle. The trick? I wanted nothing from her. Instead, I offered value in the form of a sincere compliment.

4. Assert Your Ideal Reality

On the rooftop bar, I saw Katie, an Ali Larter lookalike with pouty lips and shiny blond hair that tickled her bare shoulders. I was smitten. I approached with a simple "Hi," and we started talking.

I hit the bar to get us more drinks. To my horror, I returned to find Katie encircled by three well-muscled "Jersey Shore" wannabes-and she was loving the attention. I froze. Like a servant, I wordlessly delivered her drink, which she took without acknowledging me. She twirled her hair and giggled for The Situation. I slunk off.

I found Ryan. Should I flirt with other girls to make her jealous, like in "The Game"? Or vaporize the guys with my dazzling wit, showing her my higher value? "What do you want to do?" he asked. "Is Katie your girl tonight?"

"Yeah."

"Then go get her. Take her away from them."

I charged into the group, grabbed Katie's hand, and yanked her away, commanding, "Come with me! We have to talk." She didn't resist. The Jersey Boys said nothing.

Leading her to a dark corner on the rooftop bar, I felt ... primitive, like a low-skulled Cro-Magnon dragging a mate to his cave. And I liked it. I sat Katie down. Her energy had changed. She looked at me with big, wet eyes. All along, she'd been testing my alpha-male qualities. I'd passed. But she had one more test.

"Wow, you just grabbed me away from those guys," she said. "Are you always this possessive?"

"Possessive?" I stroked her hair. "I just took what belonged to me." I kissed her. It was easy now.

The next day, Ryan distilled Natural Game to its basics. "It's about asserting your ideal reality," he said. In life, we tend to exert our will passively: the trip we don't take, the raise we don't seek, the girl we don't approach.

"Last night, you weren't passive. You took right action to create your ideal reality. Actively asserting your reality -- with women, with life -- that is the game."

Read a man's body language

2010-05-06T14:32:00.001-07:00

from tesh.com

You Can Read a Guy’s Mind By Deciphering His Body Language

Ladies, it turns out that you can read a guy’s mind by deciphering his body language. These tips are from the new book, You Say More Than You Think by Janine Driver:

The first body language tip: He looks at you more than twice. A lot of guys don’t have the nerve to approach women they find attractive, but if you catch a man glancing at you over and over, you can feel confident that you’ll get a warm greeting if you approach him.

Next:His voice gets soft and he speaks more slowly. Greg Hartley is a graduate of the U.S. Army Interrogation School and author of Date Decoder: Military Intelligence Techniques to Expose What He’s Really Thinking. He says that when a guy is smitten, he talks 25% slower and softer than normal because he wants you to hang on his every word.

The 3rd bit of body language that shows a guy’s attracted: His pupils are dilated. When you’re into someone, your pupils dilate - or expand - so you can take in more information.

The last way to tell if a man’s interested: He points his feet at you. Our body language expert says that if a guy is with a group of women, he faces the one he finds attractive – even if he’s not talking to her.

Make a good impression in 5 minutes

2010-05-03T14:10:00.001-07:00

You Can Make a Good Impression in Five Minutes

It’s not exactly love at first sight – but within five minutes of meeting someone you can size up their dating potential. So how do you make the most of those five minutes? Psychologists studied speed-dating events, where people only have five minutes with each person to make a connection. Here’s what they found:

First, Dr. Paul Eastwick from Texas A&M says speed-dating does have real world parallels. Everyone goes to bars or parties and has brief conversations with people they’ve never met before. So the lessons learned from speed-dating apply to all romantic encounters.

Like that you can forget your list of requirements. You may have things on your dating list like: Must be tall, must like science fiction, or whatever you think is an important characteristic. However, in a study of over 10,000 speed-daters, researchers found that a list of preferred characteristics didn’t correlate with the people they liked and ended up picking. So go in with an open mind; throw away the list.

Don’t try to be who you think they want you to be. It’s true that being agreeable and having similarities promotes feelings of closeness – because people are attracted to others who feel familiar to them. However, being too agreeable and trying to force a connection makes you come off as weak and submissive. Instead, be yourself. People are attracted to those they find unique and interesting.

Also, know that there’s a difference between being agreeable and being friendly. Women want friendly. According to speed-dating research from Texas State University, the three things women say makes a good first impression are: The man communicates well, has a great smile, and acts friendly. Being agreeable means you say, “Yes, I love modern art too!” when you couldn’t care less. Being friendly is saying, “I don’t know much about modern art – but maybe it’s time to start. Would you like to go sometime?”

Finally, people are attracted to those who are attracted to them. So make it clear how you feel about someone. Singling someone out by saying something as simple as, “I really liked meeting you; you’re great” makes them remember you and feel more attracted to you.

Mind your Manners

2010-04-28T12:40:00.001-07:00

From http://www.tesh.com/

Mind Your Manners on Your Next Date

When you go out on a date, what’s the most important thing to consider? No, it’s not what you wear, what you talk about, or where you go. It’s your dating manners that matter most. We’re not talking about knowing which fork is for the salad. It’s bad manners in general: Like barking at the waiter, coughing without covering your mouth, wiping your mouth with the tablecloth, and showing no interest in the person you’re with. Bottom line: Rude and disrespectful behavior is always a relationship-killer. So, here’s how to behave on a date, courtesy of Sue Fox, author of Etiquette for Dummies.

First: Be on time! There’s nothing that says, “I don’t think you’re important” quite like showing up late for a date.

Also, go out of your way to put your date at ease, and be thoughtful of their feelings, space and property. In other words, don’t dig through their handbag looking for a piece of gum.

Don’t talk about how much things cost, the price of the date especially - or make insulting comments about the people around you.

Always use your best table manners, treat everyone with respect – that includes waiters and counter clerks – and be sure to say “please,” “thank you” and “you’re welcome.” How you treat the people serving you is an indication of how you’ll treat your partner down the line.

Don’t use your cell phone or start texting. According to a recent survey, that’s the #1 dating faux pas. The message it sends is that someone else – who’s not with you – is more important. If you’re expecting a legitimate call from work – or the babysitter – warn your date ahead of time. When your phone buzzes, excuse yourself and take the call elsewhere, so it doesn’t look like you’re snubbing your date right at the table.

Finally: keep your word. If you don’t plan to call once the date is over, don’t say that you will.

Bad Breathe, Dating and Kissing

2010-04-26T11:47:00.000-07:00

Article by Jeff Magic Dating Coach

Bad breath can be a deal breaker for sure when trying to find a mate. It is so unattractive. I've been on dates myself with very extremely attractive women with amazing personalities, and they had all the wonderful qualities I look for in a woman, except for one……. HORRIBLE Breath.

If you can't kiss a person, you can't date them. If you think bad breath might be slowing down your love life, you may suffer from Halitosis, a condition that causes chronic bad breath.

Some other possible causes are as follows:

• stomach problems

• not flossing regularly

• not brushing your tongue till it's pink(or almost)

Eating garlic, fetta cheese or onions before a first, second or third date can definitely contribute to not getting a return phone call. As it is, both parties are on thin Ice when first dating. You want to seek and destroy, as many first date deal breakers as you possibly can.

If you must indulge in any of these bad breath makers, make sure you have a mint in your mouth the at all times. They also sell pills at any pharmacy that help your stomach and will keep your breath fresh. Take one of those little guys 1 hour before your date.

If you're not sure if it's your breath that is the problem with your love life, ask a friend, and tell he or she to be totally honest with you. Look your friend right in the eyes, and say you honestly won't be offended. You need to know the truth! Let them know, that they will actually be helping you.

If your bad breath persist after some of these remedies, you could have a cavity that is harboring nasty bacteria or some other tooth or gum problem. Time to see the dentist. Don't be scared, it's really not that bad.

If you've done your homework and you are sure your breath is in check, it could be your behavior, dressing for your dates, or a myriad of other reasons. Best bet is to learn to develop self-awareness, and you'll be on your way to getting your love life together and finding that special guy or gal.

Jeff Magic *wink*

Is it ok for women to approach men?

2010-04-19T19:11:00.000-07:00

I was wondering what people thought about a woman approaching a man. This gal walked up to my friend John at a bar this weekend and said "excuse me, can I have your email address." I turned to the gal I was talking to and said, "wow, that is great!! But how about I do this the traditional way, can I have your email address?" She looked at me and said "uuh, I'm a lesbian". Story of my friggin life, since she was cute too. Actually, I am pretty sure she was a lesbian, based on some interesting characters that came in shortly after but...

Ladies.. Have you ever told a guy that you were not interested in that you were a lesbian?

So again, this is a two part question...

A) What do you think about the woman approaching the man?
B) Have you ever told a guy you were a lesbian to get rid of him?

I included a bunch of comments from Facebook where I also posted this.

New Rules of Attraction

2010-04-15T18:49:00.000-07:00

From Tesh.com

When it comes to finding love, it’s no longer about love at first sight, or fireworks with your first kiss. That only happens in the movies. I’ve got the NEW rules of attraction, courtesy of MSN:

The first old rule: You’ll know within three seconds if they’re “the one.” The new rule: You may know within three dates. The reason: People are nervous on date one, begin to unwind on date two, and by date three, can relax and work on building a little rapport. Early sparks also say nothing about long-term potential. It takes time, talking and listening to see whether your values, dreams and desires are compatible. So don’t write someone off – or fall head over heels – until you’ve had three dates.
Another old rule: Opposites attract. The new rule: Opposites distract! It may be fun to hang out with someone very different, but once the initial attraction wears off, if you don’t enjoy the same things, you’ll have nothing to do together. So, if they love spending money and traveling, and you’d rather garden and save up for a house, you might want to reconsider the relationship.
Another old dating rule: Your first kiss should mean fireworks. The new rule: Your first kiss means nothing. In fairy tales, an amazing kiss always leads to happily ever after, but there are a lot of reasons why a first kiss can go wrong. Like nerves, a public farewell at a bus stop, or her dad hovering on the other side of the front door while you say goodnight. Instead, wait for at least kiss #2 before you say “yea” or “nay.”
One final old dating rule: When it’s true love, you think about them constantly. The new rule: it’s true love if thinking about them makes you feel good. Having warm, comfortable feelings indicates a relationship built on stability, trust and a strong ‘friendship’ factor. In other words, a relationship that’ll wear well over time. On the flip side, if you’re up all night analyzing their emails for hidden messages and clues to their true feelings, you may be chasing someone who’s just not that into you.

Getting over a break up.

2010-04-11T17:06:00.000-07:00

This is an article I found on the internet. didnt write it myself.
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Breaking up is not easy - especially if you have to stop seeing someone who you really like and care about. Losing someone special inevitably breaks one's heart and learning how to heal that broken heart is very important to our emotional health and to our ability to return to enjoying dating life promptly.

Indeed, we often have no choice but never see each other again, and therefore it's worth knowing how to get over those break ups and continue moving forward with our lives with the right mindset.

Here are the steps you can and you should take in order to get over any break-up quicker and in a more healthy manner:

1. Avoid harboring hope that you and your ex-partner will get back together. This is a crucial time when you must demonstrate strength and reluctance in letting those thoughts get into your head. Being strong now will most certainly pay off in the future.

2. Stop reminiscing on the wonderful times that you and your ex had while you were together. Such memories do nothing good to you but only aggravate your pain and prolong your recovery.

3. Stop thinking that your ex was one of a kind person. No matter how special he/she was, your next love will be also special in its own, unique way - this is just the reality of how love works.

4. Realize and truly believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason and for your own best. This includes break-ups. Think about it - most people who lose jobs eventually find a better one. The same applies to relationships. If you were taken out of your recent relationship by some great force, perhaps that force is trying to take you out of that relationship and put you back into the market, so that you start looking for and find a better partner.

5. Perceive your recent break-up as a great opportunity to learn how to deal with such experiences and become a stronger and a more mature individual.

6. Do not perceive your lost relationship as a waste of time. Be greatful! Be greatful for having been granted the joy of love and affection with your former partner as long as it lasted and don't forget that some things are probably just not meant to last. There is no insurance against breaking up whether you have been together for a month or for 20 years.

7. If you believe that you made certain mistakes in your recent relationship, whether they were the ones that caused the break-up or not, make sure you learn from those mistakes and move forward as a person who possesses a better understanding of himself and his interactions with romantic partners, and make sure that you don't make the same mistakes in the future.

8. Lastly, continue living! Pursue your professional and social goals and don't leave much space for boredom in your life. This is not the right time to "relax." You will have plenty of time to relax once you are over your ex and perhaps once you met someone new.

Breaking up is hard, but it can be a positive experience if you allow it to be. It can make you grow and become a stronger and a more attractive person. Make sure you take advantage of those valuable life lessons!

Further, it is important that you remember that the pain of breaking up is an emotion, and as such, it will not go away overnight. It will take time for it to go away. But with conscious effort of keeping in mind the above points, you can make the process of overcoming and recovering from the break-up much faster and easier.

Are you sabotaging your love life?

2010-04-08T12:43:00.000-07:00

From Tesh.com

You Could Be Sabotaging Your Own Love Life

Are you destroying your own love life? It’s natural to blame your single status on the “lack” of good men or women out there, but the truth is - YOU might be doing a few key things that can sabotage your chances at romance. Here they are, courtesy of Condé Nast Publications.

Drinking too much on a date. A study from Loyola Marymount University found that 71% of people drink more on dates than they normally would. So think about these questions: Do you feel more attractive when you drink? Do you start drinking before a date? Does drinking make you feel attracted to people you wouldn’t otherwise be drawn to? If you answer yes to any of these, experts say you should think about stopping after one drink. Otherwise you could be giving your dates the wrong impression, or making decisions that aren’t in your best interest.

Next bad move: You over-rely on technology, like Facebook, matchmaking sites, or texting. According to relationship psychologist Logan Levkoff, there are so many ways to meet and communicate with people electronically that we can forget how to express ourselves when face-to-face. So, rather than relying on gadgets to send a perfectly crafted message, she says you need to get out and interact with people. Meeting online is fine, but don’t rely on your electronic presence. All of that technology will absorb your time and emotional energy, and you won’t be as engaging in real-life situations.

One last thing that may be sabotaging your love life: You pick unavailable partners. Dr. Lissa Coffee is a sociologist and relationship coach. She says that people who lack confidence are often drawn to distant men or women, because they feel that if someone shows real interest in them - there must be something wrong with them. Like the famous line, “I don’t want to be part of any club that would have me as a member.” Or maybe you think an unavailable person won’t ever get close enough to hurt you. Coffee says the key to picking the right partner is keeping the qualities you want in mind at all times. If you think “loyal” or “sensitive” when you set out to meet someone, your instincts will guide you to that type of mate.

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Just Be Yourself

2010-04-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

From Tesh.com

If You Want to Be Successful at Dating, Just Be Yourself

How many times have you asked someone for dating advice, and been told: “Just be yourself?” According to new research we found on LiveScience.com, that truly is the best way to have more dating success, and find a happier romance in general. Yes, just be yourself! This new study was conducted by researchers at Ohio State University. They tracked more than 60 couples, and asked each one to complete a questionnaire every few weeks.

The first one asked participants to rate themselves on how authentic they considered themselves to be as individuals.

In the second questionnaire, students were asked about their relationship. For example: One question asked about their willingness to discuss emotions with their partner, while another asked if they ever kept secrets from their partner.

In the third questionnaire, participants were asked to measure their overall satisfaction with their relationship.

When researchers crunched the results, they found a consistent pattern: Students who had reported being true to themselves from day one were generally more satisfied with their relationships! Why? Amy Brunell is a psychologist who led this study. She says if you’re always true to yourself, it’s easier for you to act in ways that build intimacy in your relationship, and keep you both feeling fulfilled. However, if you’re always trying to live up to someone else’s expectations – or being something you’re not - then you’re going to be too focused on playing a role, and you won’t be able to improve the relationship!

Brunell adds this one caution: Staying true to yourself doesn’t mean you should accept all your flaws, and celebrate your shortcomings, because for yourself, you should always be looking for ways to make positive changes in your life. The message here is to be authentic from day one, and come to the table showing a willingness to have an open, honest relationship. If you can do that, this study suggests it’ll be easier to develop a stronger, long-term romance.

Text Flirting

2010-03-25T09:35:00.000-07:00

The "Dos" and "Don'ts" of Text-Flirting

Let’s face it: Dating was complicated enough before cell phones. Now, many new couples express their affection for each other in text messages more than in person! Unless you know what you’re doing, so-called “text flirting” can either improve your relationship or send your date packing! So, let’s break down some “dos” and “don’ts” of text flirting, with relationship intel we found on CNN:

DON’T plan your first date with a text message. Most women agree that guys should make an effort to actually dial a phone and call them at the start of a relationship. Otherwise, a text invitation to spend time together will feel too informal, and your date won’t feel like you respect her. One woman interviewed by CNN put it this way: If a guy she barely knew started sending her flirty text messages, it’d feel like a total stranger using pick-up lines! Creepy.

However, after your first date: DO let the text flirting begin. The women interviewed by CNN agreed that text-flirting can be fun after you’ve established chemistry with someone. The texts don’t have to be long and poetic. Something as simple as “thinking of you” is enough. The key is to send your flirty texts at random, unexpected times. They’ll feel more genuine that way.

DON’T use emoticons in your flirty texts! Again, this was something the women interviewed by CNN were unanimous about. They said sideways smiley faces, and lovey-dovey heart symbols, are annoying enough when they come from other women. So just don’t do it.

If the relationship doesn’t work out, DON’T break up with a text. Most women agree that’s tacky! Even if you can’t muster the willpower to break up in person, you should at least extend the courtesy of a phone call.

By the way: It should go without saying that “sexting” your new date is a definite DON’T, because the women interviewed by CNN said they’d do one of two things if they received half-naked photos from a guy on their phone: They’d either show all their friends for a good laugh or they’d call the police.

Long Island Singles Events

Should he shave/trim it?

2010-03-22T12:48:00.000-07:00

Hi Jay,

Can you please post the following on your blog, but please do not use my name. I am a little embaressed about this.

Thanks

TS (a guy)
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Hi Jay,
I recently saw a movie where the guy shaves his personal area and was wondering if this was normal for men. I mean, do guys really do this? And do women find this a turn on? After seeing the movie, I tried to shave a little, but it hurt like heck. Is it worth that much pain?

If women really do like it, then I guess it is worth it, but would like to know what your female readers think about a guy who does this?

Thanks

TS

Truths About Love That Can Improve Your Relationship

2010-03-15T14:11:00.001-07:00

From Tesh.com

Truths About Love That Can Improve Your Relationship

Ladies – here are a few truths about love that can help your relationship grow and improve over time. This comes from dating coach Dr. Jennifer Oikle, and MSN:

First, absence DOES make the heart grow fonder. Oikle says when you’re with your significant other, you’re not thinking about them, you’re in the moment. However, when you’re apart, you miss each other and look forward to seeing each other, which helps rekindle the flames.

If a man says he’s not ready for a relationship, take his word for it. Our dating coach says that men don’t like to disappoint women. So, when a man says he doesn’t want to get involved, that means he doesn’t want to get involved. She also points out that a man who’s not interested in a relationship isn’t going to change his mind once he gets to know you a little better. In fact, if you stick around, he’ll assume you’re okay with a casual, nonexclusive relationship, and it’ll never go any farther than that.

If a man’s “too busy” to be with you, he’s getting ready to break up. These days, with emailing, texting, cell phones, and Facebook, if you don’t hear from a man for a day or two, it’s a sign he’s not fully invested in your relationship. In fact, experts say that when a man gets ready to say goodbye, he creates distance – hoping to cushion the blow. If he’s into you, he’ll never be too busy to hang out.

One final truth about relationships: He wants to feel like he’s taking care of you. Family and couples therapist Dr. Allen Berger says that a lot of men don’t feel masculine or worthwhile unless they’re “of value” to the person they love. They feel most valuable when they’re doing things for that person. So, even if you’re an independent woman who can take care of yourself and support yourself, you can improve your relationship by letting the man in your life take the lead once in awhile, even if it’s something as simple as paying for dinner.

Rethink your dating strategy?

2010-03-12T11:14:00.001-08:00

from Tesh.com

Rethink Your Dating Strategy

You may be the smartest person in the room, but one relationship expert says, sometimes, the smartest people have the toughest time dating. If that’s you, it’s time to re-think your dating strategy! That’s according to Dr. Alex Benzer who wrote The Tao of Dating. Dr. Benzer says in order to find the right partner, you should take a close look at yourself. Here are a few things to think about:

First, remember love isn’t a contest! Dr. Benzer says smart people like to date other smart people. However, resist the urge to compete! Instead of trying to one-up each other when it comes to intelligence or ambition, celebrate the way you compliment each other. Don’t let competition ruin a good match! If someone always has be right, or win, that means the other has to be wrong, or lose. That doesn’t create romance.

You also want to leave the person you are at work, at work! No matter if you’re a CEO or a teacher, Dr. Benzer says people respect a partner who takes charge at the office, but who doesn’t have to be in control on a date.

If you want a meaningful relationship, make finding one as big a priority as the other things in your life. A lot of ambitious people end up alone – because they put all their focus into their job, but if you like someone, give them the same energy you give to your work.

As hokey as it sounds, Dr. Benzer suggests you BE the love you want to attract! If you’re full of joy and compassion, and make your date feel like a billion bucks, you’ll get that back. It’s like the tennis ball analogy we mention on this show – the way you hit a tennis ball against a wall is exactly how it’ll come back to you.

You have to go with your heart – not just your brain. Someone might have all the qualities you want in a partner: a great job, a good sense of humor, a good family - but Dr. Benzer says: if being with them doesn’t make you feel good, you’re probably with the wrong person.

Things to talk about on a first date

2010-03-04T12:06:00.001-08:00

From Tesh.com

Here Are The Best Things to Talk About on a First Date

Here’s some first date advice you can really use: The best things to talk about when you’re out with someone new! We got these from the researchers at Psychologies magazine.

Topic #1: Humor. Kathy Lette is the author of Men: A User’s Guide. She says studies show that humor is the quality we most want in a partner, and if you can fire off a few one-liners to bring up different topics, you’ll score points. For example, she says you could bring up family with the line, “Distant relatives are the best - the further away they live, the better.” Of course you don’t want your date to think you despise your family – it’s simply an ice-breaker to get you into a friendly discussion about them.

Topic #2: Food. Giles Coren is a British food critic and novelist. He says that food provokes powerful memories, which spark conversation. For example, you might say, “Mashed potatoes remind me of Meatloaf Day at school when I was a kid. What was school like for you?” Also, Coren says that trying new foods with someone will give you a lot to talk about.

One last first date topic: Nostalgia. If your food story doesn’t take you back to your childhood, find something that does. Reminiscing about TV shows you watched after school, or music your parents played on 8-track transports you both back to happy, care-free times. In those moments, you become gentler and less cynical, which makes you more attractive - and helps you connect to the other person.

Remember to read up on the day’s news. Chloe Medanes, author of Relationship Breakthrough, says that even the most confident person can clam up when hanging out with someone they’re attracted to. However, keeping up on current events will help you avoid awkward silences, so you don’t come off as self-conscious and disinterested.

Why doesn't she respond after the speed dating event?

2010-03-02T06:20:00.000-08:00

Joe: Jay, I just don't understand. We matched at the speed dating event and I sent her an email the next day, but get no response. What the heck? This happened more than once!

Jay: Joe, I hear you loud and clear. Sometimes it does happen that you match, email the gal and then do not hear back. It has happened to me too!! So I understand your frustration, but there are a number of reasons why this could happen:

After an event, it is not uncommon to get several matches. It could just be that the gal matched with several guys, and is prioritizing who she is trying to get to know. It may have nothing to do with you. Again, it could be that she already started corresponding with someone else and wants to see where that goes first.
Maybe she did not get your email? If someone does not respond initially, I think it is ok to give it a few days and resend the email. You never know if it went to spam, got erroneously deleted etc. After sending a second email with no response, it is probably time to back off.
Something else is going on in her life. Outside factors influence us on a daily basis and some type of crisis or situation came up that has shifted her focus elsewhere.
Something in your follow up email turned her off. Joe, I have heard this many times before that something that seems like no big deal to you, can make a huge difference in determining if the gal will respond to you. Remember, you may not be the only person she matched with.

Joe: Nope, it can not be my follow up email. It is very plain and simple and their is nothing offending or problem with it.

Jay: Joe, can you give me an example of your follow up email so I can see if I can help.

Joe: Sure, but it's not the email. There is nothing wrong with it. Here it is:

Hi Mary. It was very nice meeting you at the WeekendDating.com event. I would like to get together with you for dinner or a cup of coffee with you, at your convenience. Joe.

See! It is plain and simple. Nothing wrong with it.

Jay: Yes Joe, it is plain and simple. However I see at least two blaring issues that could have contributed to why Mary did not respond. Let's try to break this down further and get to the bottom of this.

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Instead of me letting you know what I said to Joe at the end, I would like to open this up to discussion. You may totally disagree with me and think that there is nothing wrong with Joe's email. If that is the case, just say that. Otherwise, please give your honest constructive feedback on Joe's email and what he could have done better.

Thanks!

Jay

Romance-Killing Habits You Should Stop

2010-02-26T13:42:00.001-08:00

From Tesh.com

Romance-Killing Habits You Should Stop

Ladies, does your romance feel like it’s gotten OFF track? Even if you THINK you’ve been giving it your all, some behaviors you may not be aware of can trip up even the strongest relationships. Here are a few romance-killing habits you need to stop, from the researchers at Rodale Publishing.

Incessant teasing. You’re always ribbing your guy about his grubby Red Sox jersey - but is he really taking it all in good fun? Not always. Psychologist Noelle Nelson, the author of The Power of Appreciation in Every Day Life, says when teasing or criticism comes from the woman he loves, a man often interprets it as rejection. It’s like saying, “I want to change THIS about you.” Nelson says this is when a man tends to withdraw, and can become more attracted to people who he feels accept him as is. Not necessarily other women, although that can happen, but he might start spending more time with his buddies. So, lay off the harsh teasing.

Showing up fashionably late – ALL THE TIME. Nelson says flexible arrival times may be cool with your girlfriends, but not with your guy. Tardiness is disrespectful – period. You’re sending the message that he’s not as important as your work, or your yoga class – and it’s another form of rejection. Nelson says when you have a date, assume that it’ll take you 50% MORE time to get to wherever you’re going. That’ll give you enough of a buffer so you won’t be late.

Thinking, “What’s yours is ours.” Grabbing a drink out of his fridge is fine, but when you assume that being in a relationship gives you the right to borrow his stuff without asking, or go poking through his mail - you’ve crossed the line. Dr. Jackie Black, a relationship coach and author of Meet Your Match, says there are NO assumptions in an emotionally healthy relationship. If your man hasn’t clearly stated that it’s OK for you to open his credit card bill or use his laptop, DON’T. Every couple should have a discussion about the things each of you prefer to keep private. It’s not about being secretive, it’s about maintaining a sense of independence in a committed relationship - which is essential to long-term love.

Emailing Dates- Tips

2010-02-18T15:48:00.000-08:00

From tesh.com

Tips for Emailing a Potential Online Date

Let’s set the scene: You’ve filled out your online dating profile, picked out a potential date or two, and you’re ready to introduce yourself via email. Stop right there! If you say the wrong thing, you may wreck your chances of making a real connection. So, here are the dos and don’ts to remember before you press “send.” This comes from CNN, and relationship expert, Wendy Atterberry:

The first online dating email tip: Keep it short. Think of dating emails as appetizers. You want to keep your date hungry for more, not ruin their appetite by providing entrée-size portions.

Then: Don’t double-email. In other words, send only one email for each email you receive. Atterberry says writing several emails before you’ve gotten a reply to the first one makes you look obsessed and desperate.

Ask at least one question in each email. Some people have a hard time figuring out what to write to someone they don’t know. So make it easy by giving them at least one question to respond to.

Also, don’t rant. It’s okay to make a quick joke about the neighbor who waits for the elevator instead of walking up one flight of stairs. However, Atterberry says it’s obnoxious to write a five-paragraph essay about how lazy and self-absorbed everybody is.

Wait at least 12 hours to reply. If you respond immediately, you look like you’ve got nothing better to do, and replying too soon can make them feel pressed to try to keep up with you.

Don’t confess your secrets, insecurities, or job frustrations. If you have to confess something, admit that you skipped your weekend workout to hit a jazz festival in your neighborhood. It’s not a deep, dark secret, and it’ll give them an idea about your hobbies and interests.

Finally: Be cautious about sharing personal information. Remember: This person is a stranger. So, don’t share your last name, home address, work location, or personal email address. You don’t want a stranger to know where you live and work before you know a lot more about them.

Settle for Mr. Ok?

2010-02-15T18:04:00.003-08:00

From Tesh.com

Should You Settle for "Mr. OK" Instead of Waiting for "Mr. Right"?

Are too many women looking for fairy tale romances? According to Lori Gottleib, the answer is yes. She’s the author of the new book “Marry Him: The Case for Mr. Good Enough.” In the book, she says women get their ideas of what “Mr. Right” is supposed to be like from movies and television. They spend their twenties and early thirties dissing men who might be pretty good, and holding out for a fantasy guy who doesn’t exist. According to Gottleib, these women end up over 40 and alone while their friends are getting married and having kids. She says women need to get over the “Mr. Right” fantasy and realize that men can have faults and still be marriage material. The sooner they do that, the sooner they can find a guy they can spend the rest of their lives with.

Gottleib says passion and romance should come second to finding a guy who’s just a plain ‘ol good guy. However, a lot of women aren’t too pleased with Gottleib’s assessment that they should “settle” for a man. Take Newsweek Columnist, Julia Baird. She says there’s no reason for women to settle for a humdrum marriage to a boring guy, just so they can buy a white dress or have kids. She says, sure, some women are too picky and they think Mr. Right has to ride in on a white horse and sweep them off their feet, but the majority of women who stay single into their forties didn’t do it because they couldn’t find a man. They stayed single because they were concentrating on their education or their careers. There’s nothing wrong with waiting for what you want, as long as you’re prepared to never find it.

Settle for Mr. Ok?

2010-02-15T18:04:00.001-08:00

Should You Settle for "Mr. OK" Instead of Waiting for "Mr. Right"?

Are too many women looking for fairy tale romances? According to Lori Gottleib, the answer is yes. She’s the author of the new book “Marry Him: The Case for Mr. Good Enough.” In the book, she says women get their ideas of what “Mr. Right” is supposed to be like from movies and television. They spend their twenties and early thirties dissing men who might be pretty good, and holding out for a fantasy guy who doesn’t exist. According to Gottleib, these women end up over 40 and alone while their friends are getting married and having kids. She says women need to get over the “Mr. Right” fantasy and realize that men can have faults and still be marriage material. The sooner they do that, the sooner they can find a guy they can spend the rest of their lives with.

Gottleib says passion and romance should come second to finding a guy who’s just a plain ‘ol good guy. However, a lot of women aren’t too pleased with Gottleib’s assessment that they should “settle” for a man. Take Newsweek Columnist, Julia Baird. She says there’s no reason for women to settle for a humdrum marriage to a boring guy, just so they can buy a white dress or have kids. She says, sure, some women are too picky and they think Mr. Right has to ride in on a white horse and sweep them off their feet, but the majority of women who stay single into their forties didn’t do it because they couldn’t find a man. They stayed single because they were concentrating on their education or their careers. There’s nothing wrong with waiting for what you want, as long as you’re prepared to never find it.

First Date Conversation Topics

2010-02-11T13:15:00.001-08:00

From Tesh.com

What Should You Talk About on a First Date?

You’d think the hardest part of a first date is getting up the courage to ask someone out, but experts say it’s actually figuring out what to talk about on your date! So, here’s how to have a first date conversation that could lead to that all-important date #2, courtesy of the researchers at News Corp.

When asking personal questions, tread carefully around past romances. Their last relationship could have ended badly, and you don’t want to start your potential relationship out on the wrong foot. Also, avoid asking about their parents. They could have unresolved issues that are too serious for a first-date conversation. Instead, ask about their siblings. Brothers and sisters usually trigger good feelings, and your questions show that you’re interested in their family life.

Ask about their likes and dislikes on things like food, sports, hobbies, and travel. Finding common ground can lead to other topics, like where your date would like to go on their next vacation or what movie they’d like to see tomorrow night.

Another good topic of conversation: Work. For the most part, people like to talk up their job, no matter how mundane it is. Listening to their spiel will also give you an idea whether they’re a workaholic, a slacker, or a dreamer.

You should also ask about their friends. Hearing what someone’s friends are like, how they met, and what they do for fun can give you great insight into your date’s personality, and how they interact with other people.

Finally – if your date is leaning in and fully engaged in the conversation, go ahead and broach the subject of future plans. If they’re looking around the room, giving you one-word answers, or picking up their cellphone to check for text messages – date number one may be the first and last.

She will fall in love with you

2010-02-09T12:20:00.001-08:00

By Chris Tyler

So, you've met or know a woman that you just cannot seem to get out of your mind. Everywhere you go and everything that you do, you find yourself drifting back to thoughts of her. You want to be able to make her fall in love. You want her to say that she feels the same way about you. Feeling like this and NOT knowing what to do to make her feel the same is not a fun spot to be in.

You have to be able to make her feel the same way for you.

How should you go about it?

1. Never start off with a woman trying to be everything to her. You are only going to set yourself up for failure and a big letdown if you try to be everything to a woman. Trying to be everything for a woman does nothing but too much pressure on you also make her see you as a friend or a buddy and nothing more. To get to the point where she feels real attraction for you, you want it to be for something more than just doing favors for a woman.

2. You've got to get her dancing. What I mean by this, is that you have to lead, but she has to follow you. If you flirt with her, if you do anything at all to build attraction with her, then you have to make sure that she responds. If she doesn't, then you either have to try something else or move on. Most guys will keep pushing forward even when they are not getting anything back from a woman and then they wonder why they never get to be more to her.

3. Create sexual tension with a woman. This is a necessary part of making a woman fall in love with you. The difference between a platonic love that a woman feels for her friend and one that she's in love with in a romantic way is the sexual attraction. If you don't do a thing to make her feel sexual attraction when she is with you, then you are going to have to get used to just a platonic love with her.

It might seem to be a challenge or almost improbable to make a woman fall in love, but you can learn how. Your focus has to be more on making her feel a certain way than it is on doing things for her.

Signs That You're In The Wrong Relationship

2010-01-27T14:45:00.000-08:00

From Tesh.com

Signs That You're In The Wrong Relationship

Don’t you wish there was a guidebook that could tell you – early on - whether or not your relationship is doomed? Well, according to CNN’s romance expert Amelia McDonell-Parry,there are tell-tale signs that the person you’re dating isn’t the right match for you. For example.

Telling half-truths to your friends: You’ll know a relationship is doomed when you start telling your friends only part of the story about an argument with your boyfriend or girlfriend. You want to vent, but leaving out the part that would make your friends scream “They’re not right for you!” is a red flag. Chances are, you’ve already judged your mate’s actions yourself and are afraid your friends will validate what you already know - that you deserve better.

Warning sign #2: Residual immaturity. No guy completely grows up, but a fanatical interest in something completely juvenile will wear on you eventually. If he’s spending all your combined savings on comic books – or staying up late playing NCAA Football on his PS3. Pretty soon you’ll stop feeling attracted to him. A woman wants a man, not a child.

Another sign that your relationship is probably doomed: If he’s a Momma's boy or she’s Daddy's little girl. If either one of you respects the opinion of a parent more than the opinion of your significant other, you're headed for trouble.
One last thing that’ll kill a relationship: a King-size bed. Even if you go to bed mad, something about a forced snuggle in a small bed is like an unspoken “you’re forgiven.” It allows everything bad between you to dissolve away. However, a king-size mattress lets the tension rest comfortably between you - and a fight can go on for days.

Dating Rules

2010-01-25T09:12:00.000-08:00

From About.com

Struggling to meet someone new? Following these simple yet insightful dating rules might be just be exactly what you need.

Love Yourself First

Have you ever noticed that happy people get more attention? And if you are happy with yourself, it shows. So in order to attract more people into your life for dating purposes, focus on the things that make you happy. Try writing a large piece of paper full of ideas that you can use in a pinch, such as taking a hot bath, going for a bike ride or filling your home with plants. Then, pick three items from this list every day with conscious effort, knowing that the time you take tending to increasing your own personal joy will increase the pull others feel to learn more about who you are.

If you shake your head within seconds of meeting someone, rank them against a checklist in your head, or have stringent guidelines about who you will and won't meet, it is time to revamp your relationship expectations. When trying to meet someone new, it is imperative that you let go of your preconceived notions about who the perfect partner is.Cut Ties To Your Ex

Although this dating rule may be contentious for some readers, it is still an important step in the dating process. Just like a spring cleaning clears your space of clutter and cobwebs, removing an ex still present in your life after a breakup can free you to meet someone new. Of course there are circumstances where this may not be possible - such as if you have children together or work in the same office. But whenever possible, you need to remove your ex from your personal life, even if it is only temporary.Let Go of Dating Myths

Dating is exhausting and not worth my time. I'll never meet The One. All the good ones are taken.

These three statements are myths about dating that seriously require thought if they are going through your head. Dating isn't about negative thoughts; its about meeting as many interesting people as you can while having faith that you'll meet someone special.

Following this dating rule means you need to stop focusing on the person you are trying to meet, and focus on the spotlight instead on yourself.

Face Your Dating Fears

Feeling anxious or upset about the prospects of meeting someone new usually translates into fear. If the thoughts of never meeting someone special, being upset that your last partner refused to commit, or convincing yourself you aren't worth dating are taking over your thought processes, it is time to face your dating fears. By not following this dating rule and ignoring the issues, your inability to risk losing your heart will stop you from meeting someone special.Learn How To Flirt

Too attract new people, you'll need to show them you are interested - which means learning how to flirt. Virtually every single first encounter that leads to more starts with a smile, so this dating rule suggests smiling at everyone you encounter, without qualification. As well, understanding body language is a crucial part of meeting someone new and cannot be overlooked.Accept All Dates

If you want to follow the rules of dating to meet someone new, its time to stop making snap decisions about the people who ask you out for a date. If someone asks you for coffee, it is your responsibility to accept it, barring any issues with safety of course. A date is just a date - not a marriage proposal. It'll only take an hour or two, and by accepting all dates you'll move closer to meeting someone special while perfecting your notions of what kind of person you'd like to have in your life.

How to flirt

2010-01-21T05:08:00.000-08:00

from http://www.about.com/

You see someone from across the room and think: Wow. I want to meet them. But how can you be sure that your body language conveys your true intentions - to flirt?

These body language cues are excellent ways to show the object of your interest that you'd like to get to know them better. And if someone uses these cues on you? Flirt right back -- because flirting is harmless, and practice makes perfect.

How To Flirt With Your Eyes

Holding eye contact with someone you find appealing for approximately five seconds is well-used flirt tactic, mostly because it is highly effective, although its ease and simplicity of use doesn't hurt. According to the book, "The Definitive Guide of Body Language," by Alan and Barbara Pease, the person initiating the flirt will - on average - need to lock eyes three times before the flirt recipient catches on.

How To Flirt By Preening

There are many, many ways one groom themselves in public in a flattering yet flirty way, depending on your gender. Ladies can try some hair stroking, posture enhancing, neck exposing, hip tilting (if standing), clothes straightening or lip licking - all with the intention of calling attention to her attractiveness. Men can also straighten their clothing, lick their lips or fix their hair, but they should also include things like hooking their fingers into their pants (if standing), suck in their stomach, or take deep breaths to increase the size of their chest. For both men and women, try to use preening body language that shows off your best features while enhancing what makes you, you.

How To Flirt With A Smile

There are few things better than receiving a genuine, radiant smile from a stranger, yet many people don't respond to them as a flirt tactic. Therefore, use your smile in conjunction with the other body language ideas listed in this article to ensure whomever you've got your eye on realizes a flirt is your intention.

How To Flirt By Pointing

No, not by using your finger silly. Instead, try to 'point' at the person you want to flirt with by moving your body towards them. Take your feet and make sure they are facing your flirt target, and use your shoulders to lean into them - even if you aren't speaking with them. Other ideas include facing your shoulders towards them or 'closing off' a space just for the two of you (such as crossing your legs towards each other).

How To Flirt Using Touch

Look for opportunities where you can touch the person you want to flirt with, either 'accidentally' or otherwise. Shaking hands is an excellent flirt tactic, because not only does it place your hands together (which conveys a "higher level of intimacy" according to Alan and Barbara Pease), but it is easy way to combine flirting with an introduction. You could also try carefully and casually placing your hands on the person's arms to very gently 'move' them so you can pass by on your way to the bathroom, or lightly tap their arm while sharing a laugh. And if you aren't quite comfortable touching the person you want to flirt with quite yet, you can try mimicking their movements for a short period of time (i.e. a couple of seconds), instead.

Love Laws

2010-01-03T17:56:00.001-08:00

from http://www.tesh.com/

"Love Laws" for The Dating World

Ladies, are you jumping back into the dating pool? Then I’ve got a few “Love Laws” for you: Rock-solid truths about men and becoming a couple that’ll help you avoid a lot of drama and mental anguish. This comes from the experts at Condé Nast Publications.

Law #1: If a guy you meet doesn’t call you in a week, he’s not interested. You may think he’s just busy, or lost your number, but don’t kid yourself. Clinical psychologist Judith Shervan says it doesn’t matter how busy he is. If he’s interested, he’ll find five minutes to call. Bottom line: If he leaves you hanging for more than three days, take that as a definite sign he’s not interested, and move on.

The next law of love: By date number three, you may start to notice his flaws, but that’s not a bad thing! Dr. James Aniechowski is the coauthor of Be Loved for Who You Really Are. He says noticing flaws – like the fact that he wears the same jeans every day - means you’re subconsciously evaluating him as a long-term partner, and working through your nerves about your future together. So, instead of thinking, “Can I live with someone who’s a football freak?” Think, “Am I ready for a long-term commitment?”

The third law of love: No man wants to be your best friend. Michael Gurian, the author of How a Man’s Mind Really Works, says men like a little mystery. They tend to get overwhelmed if you share too much information. In other words, he doesn’t want to hear the play-by-play of your average workday. Or listen to an analysis of the fight you just had with your mother. Instead, stick with topics that relate to your life together, like, “What are we doing for dinner?” Or, “What do you want to save money for, a house or a vacation?”

The final law of love: You’ll discover something that proves Mr. Right isn’t perfect. Like, he was briefly married at 18. Or he earned a GED instead of graduating from high school. Dr. Kate Wachs is the author of Relationships for Dummies. She says not to make a big deal out of something that isn’t an issue anymore. Bottom line: Do you love him because he’s sweet, hilarious, and talented – or because you thought he’d never been married before?

Impress Dates with Food

2009-12-15T15:20:00.000-08:00

From tesh.com

People Are Trying To Impress Their Dates With The Food They Eat

A new study from Cornell University says that women’s dating habits haven’t changed in decades! Women are still choosing to nibble on vegetables when they’re on a date, because they believe it makes them look more feminine and attractive. It turns out, the opposite is true. When you order a salad and only pick at it, the guy will feel like a slob when he’s plowing through his dinner. In fact, in a study conducted by the University of Toronto, men rated women of normal weight, who ate large meals, as more desirable than those who ate like birds. Why? Because men form an impression about you based on what you eat. If you seem relaxed and like you're enjoying your food, you date will perceive you as more attractive, pleasant and open.

According to the study, men, on the other hand, have changed their dating behavior. Now they’re going for the pasta over the steak, and this is the right move. When a guy plops down and eats something fatty, a girl can’t help but wonder if he eats that way all the time. It crosses her mind that he’ll probably pack on weight, clog his arteries and die early. One thing both sexes agree on: The foods to stay away from. According to the study, everyone said no to garlic and onions, beans, and cabbage.

So you’ve carefully ordered your dinner, making sure that there’s nothing stinky, or messy, or unattractive to eat. Now, how can you tell if the date’s going well? Here’s what you do, according to Dr. David Givens, author of the book Love Signals: Offer her a bite of your entrée. Dr. Givens says, if she takes the fork from your hand and slides the food onto her own plate that’s bad news. She’s closed off to you. If she takes your fork and takes a bite, good sign. If she lets you feed her, better sign. If she takes a bite and then offers you a bite of her food, bonus points – date #2 is in the bag.

Top 3 dating dealbreakers

2009-12-10T09:28:00.000-08:00

from Tesh.com

The Top Three Dating Deal Breakers

Ladies, if you’re in the dating scene, it isn’t just about knowing what to look for in a mate. It’s also about knowing what to stay away from. So we turned to CNN dating columnist, Audrey Irvine, to find out the top three guys that are total dating deal-breakers.

First deal-breaker is the one-upper. This is the guy who always has to top everything you’ve done or every story you tell. If you ran a half marathon, he just finished his third triathlon. If you’re working on your master’s, he’s got a PhD. Irvine says a man like this can get exhausting. His experiences will always be bigger and better than yours. So before you consider seriously dating a one-upper, think about how you’ll feel when you’re celebrating a big work promotion, and he’s already figuring out how to top you!

Next dating deal-breaker is the back-in-the-day Guy. He’s the guy who’s always talking about the touchdown pass he threw in high-school, or reliving moments from his frat-house days. Irvine says there’s nostalgia, and then there’s “get over it already.” So if those memories are ten years old or older, he’s a dealbreaker!

The final dating deal-breaker: The perfect-in-public Guy. The PIP is great when you’re out to dinner with friends, or at the company Christmas party, but he never turns it off. He always has to be the funniest, loudest person in the room, even when it’s just the two of you watching TV. The PIP is masking some deep insecurities, which is why he spends so much time hiding behind his larger-than-life personality. Unless you’re a therapist with some time on your hands leave the PIP for the next girl!

Looking for Long Island New Years Eve ?

Dealbreakers 101

2009-12-07T13:27:00.000-08:00

Lets talk about some dealbreakers that can make it or break it as far as getting a date, or getting a second date.

Some of these are my own dealbreakers, but most come from my numerous discussions with you. Please add your own and lets get the opposite sex educated.

Dealbreakers I have heard from women about men

Guy has bad breathe.-- Bad breathe equals no date, no kiss, or no second date.
Guy is cheap- Wants to go dutch at Starbucks
Guy looks like he just rolled out of bed and made no effort to get groomed for the date
Guy is rude to the waitstaff at dinner
Guy wears sneakers to a speed dating event
Body odor issues
Poor eye contact
Talks only about himself, not showing any interest in the woman
Has a very small piece of equipment with respect to the male Anatomy
Too much, too soon, too fast.. Guy is talking about marriage and exclusivity after the second date.
Looking for sex way too quickly

What else?

DealBreakers I have heard from Men about Women

Smokers-- Nasty Nasty Nasty.. Did I mention Nasty?
Not thanking the guy at the end of the date for paying for dinner or whatever
Not at least making the fake attempt to pull out the wallet to pay for dinner or drinks.. Most (not all guys) are not really expecting you to pay, but that fake attempt or at least a thank you is nice.
Height- Most (not all) guys are looking for a woman who is shorter than they are.
Age- Guys are getting better on this one, but it is still a frequent comment I get as far as dealbreakers
Flakey- She is unreliable and cancels dates at the last minute.
No career ambition- Wants and expects the man to be the breadwinner

What else?

Does your romance have a future?

2009-12-01T14:24:00.000-08:00

From Tesh.com

Does Your Budding Romance Have a Future?

So, you’re dating someone you’re totally crazy about! Is this intense attraction you feel for them love - or temporary infatuation? Here’s how to tell whether your budding romance has a future. Ask yourself these questions from eHarmony online.

How much do you know about the other person’s life? Sure, you may know what they do for a living and where they live, but have you met this person’s friends, spent entire weekends together, or been included in each other’s daily lives? The best way to know if it’s love or infatuation is take an honest look at how unified the two of you are. This doesn’t mean just the level at which you’re opening up, but how much your partner is letting you in, too.

Is the feeling mutual? Although YOU may feel that things are going well, your partner may have other ideas. If only one of you is interested in a future together, it’s better to know that before you get in too deep. So, ask. This is a conversation for the two-month mark or so. It’s important to know where you stand as soon as possible so that you can proceed with caution or commitment.

Do you share common life goals, dreams and ambitions? When the newness wears off, you probably won’t want to invest your time, energy and intimacy with someone who doesn’t share a similar vision of the future. So, before you get too involved, discuss things such as your long-term goals and how you feel about kids. Also, find out where each of your careers rank on your lists of priorities, and how similar your ethics and morals are. Yes, this conversation will probably be uncomfortable, but it’s an important discussion to have about three or four months into a budding relationship. Why? Because it cuts down on wasted time and hurt feelings.

New Years Eve Long Island

Is he into you?

2009-11-26T17:20:00.001-08:00

From http://www.tesh.com/

Is He Into You or Not?

Ladies, here are the signs according to science and relationship expert Dr. Kevin Hogan, author of Irresistible Attraction.

If he’s into you, he’ll fuss over you. Let’s say you’re in mid-conversation and he reaches over to brush a piece of fuzz off your sweater – he isn’t focusing on your imperfections, he’s showing interest. Dr. Hogan calls it “lint picking.” Animals do it – they’ll swat bugs away from their mate, or groom each other. It’s an excuse to enter into your personal space.

Another sign of attraction? He’ll look slightly shocked. If you pay close attention, you’ll see a man slightly lift his eyebrows and look surprised while talking to you. It’s a subconscious reaction when a man sees something he likes.

Another clue that he’s into you? He’ll turn his chest toward you. According to anthropologist and relationship expert Helen Fisher, author of Why Him? Why Her? - when a man points his chest in your direction, you’re on his radar. She says it’s the same as when a gorilla pounds his chest and roars – it’s a way to command attention. For a man, it means “Look at me! I’m important!”

One last sign that he’s into you: He’ll slouch his shoulders. Once you’re engaged in conversation, he’ll ditch the gorilla act and slump forward, rounding his shoulders to appear smaller. Dr. Hogan says slouching is a way for a man to seem more approachable and less threatening to a woman. His posture is sending the signal, “I’m on your level, let’s connect.” Anthropologist Dr. Fisher says his relaxed posture means he’s comfortable in your presence.

So let’s review: If he picks lint off your sweater, raises his eyebrows, turns his gorilla chest toward you, and then slouches once you’re talking – he’s into you.

What your guy is saying

2009-11-23T15:18:00.000-08:00

From http://www.tesh.com/

What Is Your Guy Really Saying?

Ladies, it’s time to translate a few “man-phrases” for you. Like, what a man means when he says, “I’ll call you.” The translations come from Steve Santagati, a relationship expert from “The Today Show”:

Okay, so when a guy says, “I’ll call you” – what he means is “I may call you.” Santagati says a man will definitely ask for your phone number if he likes you, but he could also just be looking for quick way to end the conversation. So, don’t count on getting a call.

If a man says, “I’ve been busy lately,” it could mean two things. Santagati says, if you’ve been dating less than six months, it means, “I’ve lost interest in you.” If you’ve been dating longer, it means, “I like you, but I also need to focus on other things.” Bottom line: You may be a big part of his life – but he’s also got a job, friends and family, too.

When a guy says, “I need some space,” what does he mean? “This relationship is moving too fast.” It could also mean: “It’s over.” Santagati recommends asking if he still wants to date you. If he says “yes,” turn back the clock to early courtship behavior where he calls to ask you out on dates. Also, spend time with your friends, take classes, and pursue your own interests. That way, you’re not so dependent on him.

When a man says, “I love spending time with you.” He actually means, “I love you – I think.” Santagati says that just saying the word “love” may be his ways of dipping his toe in the “I love you” waters to see how it feels. So, don’t make a big deal out of it.

Finally, when a guy says, “I want this to last forever” he means, “I’m really happy right now.” Santagati says that if you’re wondering if your relationship has a future, a man’s behavior is more important than his words. For example, is he physically affectionate? Does he remember the things that are important to you? Is he supportive when you need it? If you can answer “yes” to all those questions, your relationship is doing just fine.

Long Island Speed Dating

Love at First Sight?

2009-11-16T16:26:00.000-08:00

From www.Tesh.com

Love at First Sight Really Does Exist

Is there really such a thing as love at first sight? A lot of scientists say, “Yes.” That it’s definitely possible to realize you’ve met “The One” within three minutes of laying eyes on them. Dr. Helen Fisher is the author of Why Him? Why Her? She says that from the beginning of time, humans have been designed to instantly sort out friends from enemies. In ancient times, it helped keep people safe. Today, we use those same skills to size up a potential partner. Here are the facts on attraction:
First, it takes less than one second to decide whether you find someone physically attractive, which means, your brain immediately eliminates anyone who’s too short or too tall for you, too old or too young, or too scruffy or too well-scrubbed for your taste.

Next, if they fit your general concept of “The One,” you focus on their voice. Once again, you decide whether you like it in a matter of seconds. So, what are we looking for in a voice? Women think men with full, deep voices are better looking than they really are. Men are more attracted to women with higher-pitched voices, or who sound breathy, like Marilyn Monroe. Studies show that men and women think people who speak faster are smarter.

What else happens in the first three minutes of meeting someone? You judge their words. Studies show that we tend to like people who use the same kinds of words we do, whether they’re short words or long words, descriptive words, or scientific words, formal words or slang. Dr. Fisher says you’re more likely to fall in love at first sight if your first conversation turns to something you think is important - like music, kids, or work – and you’re both totally in agreement.

Of course, love at first sight doesn’t happen to everyone. Researchers at Ben-Gurion University in Israel found that only 11% of people say their long-term relationships started at “hello.” However, if you like someone even slightly, the more similar you are – as far as your values, education, background and morals - the more the attraction will grow over time. Whether it’s love at first sight – or love in hindsight – those first three minutes can make or break your romance.

Guys with Grey Hair

2009-11-12T12:17:00.000-08:00

Video Testimonial #1

2009-11-09T17:27:00.000-08:00

Our first couples reunion brought back 18 people (9 couples) who have either gotten married or are in long term committed relationships as a result of our weekenddating.com events.
It was held on November 1st at Alletos Restaurant in Lindenhurst (218 Montauk HwyLindenhurst, NY 11757, 631- 226-9205) Great food, great service. Ask for the owner Joe if you go on a date there and mention WeekendDating so he can try to seat you where our reunion couples were. We know of at least 30 marriages, many engagements and many many more happy couples who are together!

Our next Couples Reunion event will be at the Brokerage Comedy Club in May 2009.. If you met your special someone at our events, I would love to have you there! Email Jay-- Info@WeekendDating.com

Call her?

2009-11-03T13:05:00.000-08:00

Dear Jay,

Can you please post this situation for your readers.

I recently met a woman at an event and she was absolutely gorgeous. This is the type of woman that gets hit on constantly and has many choices. We were a match, and I emailed her the next day. Four days later, she got back to me and said that she did not check her email much, however really enjoyed hearing from me. I replied back and again, another 3 or 4 days later, she got back to me.

In the next email, I asked for her phone number and she replied almost immediately with a nice note and the phone number. I called a few days later, and no return call. I said to myself, what the heck and called her again the following week. While I was leaving her a voice message, my call waiting kicked in and it was her.

She said that she wanted to get back to me, but couldn't really talk because she was doing something with her daughter and asked if she could call me back later that night. I said it was not a problem, and that I looked forward to speaking with her later that night.

More than a week has gone by and no response. I say to myself, why the hell did she return my call in the first place (and yes, she swears she knew it was me who called), if she had no interest?

I asked my friend Monica about this and mentioned that I was going to send one last email. Monica scolded me and said that under no circumstances should I contact her again. "If she is interested, she will call you"......

and.....

"If she does call you and leaves a voice message, DO NOT CALL HER BACK. If she gets you on the phone, say "it was nice hearing from you, but I am in the middle of something and have to go." Monica said DO NOT tell her that you will call her back. Monica said that when you don't call her back, it will drive her crazy and say why isnt this guy up my behind like the rest and that she will call you back.

This counter intuitive game playing stuff is driving me nuts. Does it ever end?

Can he really grow on you??

2009-10-28T13:51:00.000-07:00

Ever heard the saying "Men love with their eyes, Women love with their ears."

A few recent conversations seems to reinforce this, but what do you think?

Coversation with Laurie

I went out to lunch with my friend Laurie who told me about a recent dating experience. She was set up on a blind date and had absolutely no attraction to the guy. By the end of the date, he said or did a few things that grew on her, and she agreed to go out with him again. By the end of the second or third date, she started to genuinely like the guy. So he went from having no shot, to having this great gal start to like him as more than a friend.

Guys, does this hold true for you? If you are not initally attracted to a woman, but start to like her personality, could it go past a friend stage? Ladies, has the above type of scenario happened to you?

Coversation #2- See video below from Toni.

Toni recently attended a speed dating event. She told me that she came in, looked at the guys and wanted to walk out the back door because she did not see anyone she was attracted to. Another nice lady, stopped her from leaving, and explained that it would really mess Jay up because the gender balance would be off. Thus Tami stayed.

Good thing she did, because she is completely gaga for a guy she met at the event. She went from having no attraction to anyone, to having a guy that she is crazy about.

Guys, same question? If you are not initially attracted, but start to really like her personality, could it go past the friend stage? Ladies, has this happened to you?

Couples get together

2009-10-22T10:45:00.000-07:00

2009-10-22T10:19:00.000-07:00

From www.Tesh.com

The "Dos" and "Don'ts" of Text-Flirting

Let’s face it: Dating was complicated enough before cell phones. Now, many new couples express their affection for each other in text messages more than in person! Unless you know what you’re doing, so-called “text flirting” can either improve your relationship or send your date packing! So, let’s break down some “dos” and “don’ts” of text flirting, with relationship intel we found on CNN:

DON’T plan your first date with a text message. Most women agree that guys should make an effort to actually dial a phone and call them at the start of a relationship. Otherwise, a text invitation to spend time together will feel too informal, and your date won’t feel like you respect her. One woman interviewed by CNN put it this way: If a guy she barely knew started sending her flirty text messages, it’d feel like a total stranger using pick-up lines! Creepy.
However, after your first date:

DO let the text flirting begin. The women interviewed by CNN agreed that text-flirting can be fun after you’ve established chemistry with someone. The texts don’t have to be long and poetic. Something as simple as “thinking of you” is enough. The key is to send your flirty texts at random, unexpected times. They’ll feel more genuine that way.

DON’T use emoticons in your flirty texts! Again, this was something the women interviewed by CNN were unanimous about. They said sideways smiley faces, and lovey-dovey heart symbols, are annoying enough when they come from other women. So just don’t do it.
If the relationship doesn’t work out, DON’T break up with a text. Most women agree that’s tacky! Even if you can’t muster the willpower to break up in person, you should at least extend the courtesy of a phone call.

By the way: It should go without saying that “sexting” your new date is a definite DON’T, because the women interviewed by CNN said they’d do one of two things if they received half-naked photos from a guy on their phone: They’d either show all their friends for a good laugh or they’d call the police.

2009-10-19T14:29:00.000-07:00

Hi, please let me know what you think of this proposed free event.

Safe alternatives to CD's for singles

With CD's paying 1-2%, I went on a hunt to find a safe alternative and was introduced to the world of Triple Tax Free Municipal Bonds.

Bonds? What?? You Crazy?? I am not tying my money up for 30 years!!.

After I was educated a little more about bonds, I found they seem to be a pretty safe investment and DO NOT require you to keep them to maturity.

So...........

Are you interested in a free 30-45 minute event where you can learn about understanding bonds and how they may be a great alternative to cd's? This event would be held by a licensed financial advisor and WOULD NOT...I repeat WOULD NOT be a sales pitch. It would be educational in nature.

If enough people are interested (leave me a comment below or email me at Info@WeekendDating.com) I will set it up.

PS- The event would come with some free food :)

Thanks

Jay

PSS- Full Disclosure- I recently bought Triple Tax Free municipal bonds myself, however would not receive any value from this

Bad Break up Reasons

2009-10-19T14:02:00.001-07:00

From www.Tesh.com

Bad Reasons to Break Up

Sometimes it’s clear when a relationship has run its course, but some couples throw in the towel before they’ve really tried to make it work. They think some problems are impossible to work through. So, here are a few BAD reasons to break up. These are from Dr. Neil Clark Warren, author of Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons:

The first bad break-up reason: You've had a big fight. Disagreeing is inevitable – you know that. What you may not know is that having a conflict with your partner will strengthen your bond in the long run. Psychologists agree that the way you resolve your differences can help your relationship climb to new levels. It helps you understand your partner better - what sets them off, what makes them tick. So don’t head for the door when you don’t see eye-to-eye. Stay put and talk it out.

Bad breakup reason #2: Your partner finds other people attractive. Yes, you’ve captured your partner’s heart - but you haven’t poked out their eyes! Physically attractive people are everywhere - on TV, on billboards, and yes - even in the local supermarket. The experts say it’s naïve to think that these people will go unnoticed. In a good, committed relationship, people aren’t cut off to external influences – including you. It’s acting on those influences that’s a recipe for disaster. So no matter where you are or who you’re with – act as if your partner can hear and see everything you’re doing.

One last bad reason to break-up: The relationship doesn’t always make you happy. Here’s a newsflash: your relationship doesn’t exist JUST to make you happy. You’re still responsible for yourself, for accomplishing your individual goals and for keeping yourself entertained. If you’ve abandoned all your hobbies and ambitions because you’re expecting your relationship to fulfill all your needs - you’ve made a fatally BAD MOVE. That’s too much pressure for your partner, and too high of an expectation from your relationship. So take responsibility for your own happiness.

If you don’t, you’ll just keep jumping from partner to partner, because ultimately, nobody can make you happy but yourself.

A funny joke

2009-10-12T17:36:00.000-07:00

Enjoy!

DUCKS IN HEAVEN !!!
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.When they get there, St. Peter says,

'We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don't step on the ducks!'
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained
for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps..
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on

.... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says,

'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'
The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.

Why do men in their 40's think Im old?

2009-10-12T17:17:00.000-07:00

Source: http://www.more.com/2041/6566-why-do-men-in-their

Why Do Men in Their 40s Think I'm Old?
by Rachel Greenwald Guest Writer

Dear Rachel,

I’m single at 44 years old, and men who are near my age seem only to be interested in younger women. I’m active and feel very young, and everyone says I look much younger than my age, but when men in their forties can (and do) date women in their thirties, and when they don’t even respond to my emails through online dating, it makes me feel ancient! How can I overcome this problem?

Signed,
Ancient in Atlanta

Dear Ancient,

This is a real issue, and I see it everywhere. Men in their 40’s often date women in their 30’s (even 20’s!); men in their 50’s often date women in their 40’s (even 30’s!). This leaves a gaping hole in the singles arena of fabulous women looking for men near their age. The U.S. Census (2008) echoes this problem: there are 30 million single women and only 20 million single men over 40. Yikes! It reminds me of the lost-sock-in-the-dryer phenomenon: you put two socks in the clothes dryer, but only one sock comes out. Where did the other sock go? And where did all the single men your age go? The answer is that men date younger, and men die younger too.

Okay, so we know the reality and it’s unfair, but it’s not hopeless. It requires a shift in your thinking to view this problem differently. Instead of asking yourself, “Why do men in their 40’s think I’m too old?”, you should be asking, “Who thinks I’m young? And who thinks I’m hot?” Now, with these questions, there seem to be two answers: much older men and much younger men. Fifty to 60-year old men think a 44-year old is young, and some men in their late 20’s and 30’s think a 44-year old is hot.

Now, before you start screaming that you don’t want to marry an old man or a baby, consider this core principle from the business world: “You have to sell what people want to buy.” If you’re trying to sell the most delicious candy bar in the world, but all your customers want to buy ice cream, you should sell ice cream. Sure, there are not many women whose first choice is to marry someone 10+ years older or younger, but if that’s the reality of whom you attract, and you really want to find a loving partner, it’s better to face it now rather than spend years alone trying to “sell” something few people want to “buy.”

This doesn’t mean you are going to “settle”: of course not! I want you to find someone wonderful, but “wonderful” isn’t defined by a number. And it doesn’t mean you have to give up on the men closer to your age, but it DOES mean that you need to cast a wider net. Change your online profile to search for men ages 29 to 59, and tell your friends you’re open to fix-ups in this wider age range. Be open to the possibility that Mr. Right may come wrapped in a totally different package (much older or much younger) than you’ve always envisioned. Remember that your real goal is to find happiness, which is age-less.

Older Men & Younger Women?

2009-10-01T13:47:00.000-07:00

Last week was our first Mature Women (ages 36-48), younger Man (ages 27-41) speed dating event and I will admit that I was surprised at the turnout and the overall positive feedback. About 95% of the participants received at least one match or one-way match.

I can admit this now, but when I first posted the event, I thought the chance of a successful turnout would have been about 25%. The overwhelming majority of guys I speak with are still looking for a gal that is a bit younger, however times are changing and more guys in their 20's and 30's are open to meeting a woman a little bit older.

I am exploring the possibility of doing another Mature Women, Younger Man event. If you are a man in your 30's or 40's who is interested in meeting women in their late 40's and 50's, please email me at Info@WeekendDating.com

Since I was wrong about the event above being a success, I open up the suggested event proposal below (Older Men, Younger Women) to your comments.

Thanks

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Jay,

I noticed that you have done an older women younger men speed dating event, so why not do younger women older men; possibly females 33-43,males 49-59. Possibly charge the guys more and give the women an incentive to go. Food for thought. Thanks....AT
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi AT,

I asked a few ladies about your idea and they were outraged to say the least. The feedback is that almost all of my events have the guys older than the women, and the older women younger men event is not the norm.

Question for you though.

For the speed dating, I do have the event where the women are 37-49 and the guys are 40-53. I don't do it a lot, but it does exist. Is that not close to what you are suggesting?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi Jay

Not exactly. Someone like myself 53, with 54 in Feb is looking for younger women....37-43 or so. I am not interested in the older speed dating. I am surprised at the response you got, some women are receptive to older guys who are fit etc.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi AT

I will put this in the newsletter and see what kind of response I get.

Jay gets a clothes makeover

2009-09-15T09:18:00.000-07:00

As the end of the summer was approaching, I said it was time for me to get a "new look" and asked my friend Laura for some advice.

She agreed to take me out shopping and we spent a few hours going to different stores and trying on everything from jeans to shirts to work clothes to shoes.
Some guys have a great fashion sense, others know the basics but need some help (me) and others are completely clueless.

Laura said "Jay, you have the color matching down pat, but your clothes just don't seem to fit right. You need help with the cut. Your jeans don't fit right in the butt. You also need to mess up your hair a little."

The end result was that I bought 2 pairs of jeans (that fit right), 3 pullover shirts, two button down shirts and a few sports coats. I was comfortable with everything purchased, but did leave a few suggested items out (they were just not me). We ran out of time, so I didn't get to ask her about the hair style suggestion or shoes, so that will come next.

I wore my new outfits over the next few days and felt like a million bucks.
As we were shopping, the light bulb went off. There are a LOT of other guys that could benefit from getting a new look and I am helping Laura start up a business for it.

Bottom Line
Guys, years ago women were burned at the stake for being "witches." It was not that they were witches, it was that they were just so intuitive and things came so naturally to them, that took us guys a lot to learn.

So, if what you are doing now is not working with attracting women, MAKE A CHANGE. An easy way is to ask a trusted female friend to give you her honest advice on your look and take you out shopping.

If you do not have a female friend you trust to do this with, Laura is available to go shopping with you, and give you an honest opinion on your "look."

She is available in Nassau and Suffolk only at this time. She charges $99 for up to two hours.

For a very limited time, any guys who sign up for this package will also get a free regular speed dating ($40 value) event thrown in (but you must wear your new clothes to the event).

Ladies, I am curious to know if you think there is a market to offer these services to ladies as well?

Is your home woman friendly

2009-08-20T15:54:00.000-07:00

Guys, have you been on a few dates with a woman, things seem to be going well, she eventually gets to see where you live, and then BAM, she is never to be heard from again??

Well, it is possible that your home is not women friendly! Little things that as guys, we would think is no big deal, can be a major turnoff for some women, and for others a total deal breaker.

I recently had a very attractive female friend stay with me for a week while she was in town on business. We have been friends for about 6 and a half years and she slept in the same bed with me, so I do trust her judgment.
[PS. Nothing happened. My dad has since disowned me and several friends have asked me if I have gone over to the other side. For the record, I have not gone over to the other side, "not that there is anything wrong with that" -Seinfeld

Ok back to the story. Lets just say that the week was a major learning experience. From the layout of my apartment, to some of my clothes, to the color of my walls, having a regular plastic garbage can instead of a stainless steel that matched the rest of the kitchen., I got some constructive feedback, some of which I agreed with, and some of which I did not.

She also threw out 90% of my undershirts. Well she didn't actually throw them out, she gave the shirts to her dog to use as a bed. Why?? They were worn out. I let her give them to the dog because she did have a point.
Did I do everything she suggested?? Nope, however I do keep it in mind, and will make some changes little by little.

Other female friends have told me that they look at a guys toothbrush, check out the bathtub and much more if going to a guys home. Some things raise some red flags and others can make her never return again.

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What should you do?- Ask a female Friend

Guys, if you have a good female friend that you trust, ask her to come over and give you her honest opinion of any possible things that may scare a woman if they visit. Ask her for an honest opinion on your clothes and see if she will go shopping with you (if your wardrobe needs an overhaul).

Or, I have some female friends who can help you

I have have a few very attractive female friends who will visit your home to help with ideas to make it more appealing, let you know if you need to burn your clothes, and can even take you shopping.
I do not know what they will charge, but if you are interested, please email me at info@WeekendDating.com and I will find out.

Please comment in the blog

Rules for replying to personal ads

2009-08-11T06:48:00.000-07:00

From www.Tesh.com
Despite the tight economy, more and more people are flocking to online dating sites. According to Whitney Casey, who wrote the book The Man Plan, men still don’t know how to talk to women online. So, here are Casey’s tips for the right way to reply to a woman’s profile, courtesy of Match.com:
Follow her lead. If a woman’s profile is long, thoughtful and uses proper English, don’t reply with slang, insults, or text-message shorthand. Make sure you spell-check! For example, if she says she’s a Cubs fan and plays in a dodge-ball league, don’t say: “The Cubs are losers. But that’d be a great way to meet someone – hit ‘em in the face with a dodge-ball!” Bottom line: If you don’t make a good impression in writing, you won’t get the chance to make a good impression in person.

Ask questions, and share information about yourself. It may sound simple, but Casey says most men don’t make conversation – they just make contact. So, ask at least three questions in your first email, and answer the questions yourself. For example: “How long have you lived in New York? I’ve been here for six years, and I love Greenwich Village”.

Personalize your reply. Skip generic comments like, “I’m sure you hear this all the time – but you’ve got a smile that matches your perky personality.” Why? Because you could’ve sent that email to anybody, and she’ll think you didn’t bother to actually read her profile.

Finally, take it slowly. In other words, don’t say, “Hi, I’m single, fun, and ready to be the man in your life.” Women find pushy and overly-enthusiastic guys downright creepy. The smart move: Trade at least three emails and a phone call, and then ask to meet. After all, if you can’t make a good impression via email, you probably won’t click in person, either.

How long do you wait to contact her?

2009-08-06T16:05:00.001-07:00

Hi,

I think this will help alot of women. Ask men this, after they meet a women how long do they wait to contact her and why? Then after the first date how long do they wait. Would it bother them if women call them after a first date to make plans to go out.

Ali

Speedos are a no no

2009-08-03T08:06:00.000-07:00

As I was lying by the lake at Club Getaway this past weekend, I heard a roar and then the scream "SPEEDOS", "SPEEDOS", "SPEEDOS."

He probably had no idea that he was the talk of the town. How could he know? If nobody was nice enough to tell him, he could go on and on, not having a clue. Guys, in case you have any old pairs of speedo's that you are tempted to wear, you may want to throw them out, or use them as a rag. Although there may be a few ladies that like them, the consensus this past weekend, is that the speedos have got to go.

So lets talk about some other no no's, fashion or otherwise that the opposite sex should know about. Even if you think it should be totally obvious, say it anyway. This poor guy who got the nickname "speedos" for the weekend, had no clue, so lets help each other out and spell out even the "obvious."

Please share your thoughts in the blog.

Men and Money

2009-07-26T16:52:00.000-07:00

At a recent event, my friend Jennifer stopped by to say
hello. After the event, we had the following conversation:

Jay- "What do you think
about Zeek?" (a guy who was participating in the event and
who I knew personally.

Jennifer- "No thanks, I am
just not attracted to him. Well actually, what does he do for a
living?"

Jay- "He is in xxxyyyzzz"

Jennifer- "Forget
it. He doesn't make enough. I need a man that makes more
money than I do"

Jay- "So at first you said
not interested, but if he happened to be a doctor or lawyer, then you
might have changed your mind? What does it matter if you make
more money than he does?" What ever happened to getting
involved because you like the person and want to see if something can
develop?

Jennifer- "I am
accustomed to a certain lifestyle. I need a guy who makes at
least six figures, because I do. I have tried dating guys who
don't make as much as me and it just doesn't work. It bothers
the guys as well. They get an inferiority complex. Most
men want to earn more than a woman."

Jennifer- "Women in their
early 20's want someone who is hot and fun, someone they get along
with."

Jennifer- "For women in
their late 20's, early 30's, the priority becomes friendship first,
then attraction."

Jennifer- "For women in
their mid 30's and up, it becomes about lifestyle. (standard of living
to which you have become accustomed)., the kind of life you will have
with this man. Looks and that other stuff is
secondary."

Jay- "So when you
say lifestyle, you are talking about how much money the guy has?"

Jennifer- "I didn't say
that. Lifestyle is about the standard of living to which I have
been accustomed. I look at the type of life I can have with this
man. Looks and that other stuff is secondary."

Jay- It sounds to me like you
are still talking about how much money a guy makes.

Jennifer- "I need someone
who likes to do the same things as I do. Someone who can afford
it." I have supported my share of deadbeats, and I am not
doing it again"

Some very interesting comments. Please share your thoughts in
the blog.

Guys- Would it bother you or give you an inferiority complex if the
woman made more than you do?

Ladies- Is Jennifer right? Once you hit your mid 30's, it is
all about "lifestyle"?

Jay gets a manicure

2009-07-16T12:06:00.000-07:00

Ladies,
Is a guy with manicured nails a turn on, turn off, or makes no difference at all?
I am still a little stuck being traditional in certain areas (eg women wear earrings and get manicures, spend more; time getting ready than guys etc). The Metrosexual phase just never did it for me.

That being said, I have heard some guys talk about getting their nails done, and have had some female friends (some reading this right now), saying how great it feels to get a manicure and that I should get one. Since I have never had one in my life, I was a little curious to try it. Over time, I would pass by the salon, look in and see a bunch of women getting nails done, and could not get myself to go in.

Well a few days ago, I passed by the salon and it was completely empty, so I went in.
The woman was nice and tried to make small talk, although I really couldn't understand her. (She kept saying Korea, my country, mucho money, dating, and get married. I think she either wanted me to go to Korea to start a speed dating company or wanted to get married).

Twenty minutes later she finished my nails and told me to sit in another chair. Next thing I knew, she was doing my feet. Another woman came out of the back room and and then Mr. Kim entered the salon with a bag full of products. I think he was trying to sell me some imported cologne, but can not be 100% sure. The three of them started talking and laughing for the next 10 minutes until I was finished. This made me feel uncomfortable since I did not know what they were saying.

Have you seen the episode from Seinfeld where Elaine gets her nails done and suspects people are talking about her?

After I left the salon, I noticed my nails and toenails were shining in the sun. This just didn't seem right to me. My nails looked good, but guys are not supposed to have shiny nails!! Ok, Ok, I know I am in that traditional mindset, but I didn't like it. I spent the next two days trying to get rid of the shine with nail polish remover after asking female friends for help, but it didn't work. Finally after the advice of my dentist (a guy with daughters), I bought the right stuff (special pads) to kill the shine.

So, my days for now of getting manicures/pedicures are over. I am curious though as to whether women find a guy with shiny manicured nails attractive, and then maybe I would reconsider.

Much thanks

Jay

Talk about protection

2009-06-18T15:16:00.001-07:00

There are two types of protection:

First off, lets talk about your screen name. If you are using your full name as part of your email address (example- Joan.Smith@yahoo.com), please consider making up a separate email address when attending singles events. There is no need to give out more information than is necessary when first meeting someone.

Second area of protection is yep, you guessed it, Sex. I was talking to a male friend (we will call him Bob) a about a woman he met on something called Tagged. She was from Arizona and Bob lives in Brooklyn, and he flew out to stay with her for a week. When I asked Bob how the trip went, he said "It was ok, she thought I was too feminine for her, and it looks like it will just be a friend thing."

So asked Bob where he stayed when he was in Arizona, and he said "I stayed at her house. She had a small apartment so I slept in the same bed with her." Hmm, so of course I needed to ask if anything happened and he said "Yes, we had sex. It wasn't very good because I was nervous."

Bob was a little down because things didn't work out with this gal, so I tried to cheer him up and said, "hey, no biggie. Look at it as a vacation. You got to see a new town, meet some new people, and had some "fun"...As long as you were safe, it's all good." He responded that "nope, I wasn't safe. she is clean. She has two kids and her place was immaculate. I met her mom, when I was there."

I said "Bob, wtf is wrong with you? She is clean because she has two kids and you met her mother and her place is immaculate!! What the heck does that mean. How do you didn't get a disease? And how do you know you did not get her pregnant?" Bob responded "she told me she had her tubes tied."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey, I am no saint (although I am told that I look like one), but guys, just think with the right head before you do something and be safe. For all we know, Bob could not only have a nice new disease, but he could be a daddy soon, and doesn't even know it.

When you are not interested........

2009-06-09T07:02:00.000-07:00

The last time I had spoken with Jennifer, she told me she had been on a few dates with a guy she had recently met. I said "hey Jennifer, how are things going with the guy you told me about"? Her response was:

"I haven't spoken to him since the last date. It is so annoying. If he wasn't interested, I wish he would have just told me, instead of just disappearing and never contacting me again."
Yep, I admit it, I have done the same thing. Gone out on a few dates with someone and when their was no chemistry, just never called again. But what is the right way, or is their a right way (protocol) to handle it. If you have been dating for a while, then yes, I think their needs to be contact to let the other person know that it is not going anywhere.

But what about if you have dated 3 times or less and are not interested? Do you just not contact the person at all, let them know by email or text, or pick up the phone and tell them. Hey, the right thing to do is the phone, but many of us do not like the confrontation approach.

Dating someone with financial problems

2009-05-28T07:56:00.000-07:00

I received the following recently:
Dear Jay,

I am wondering if any of your readers have faced a similar situation. I had gotten involved with a woman and everything was great. About six months into the relationship I found out that this gal had serious financial problems and was going to file for bankruptcy. From that point on, she started asking for me to put a lot of her personal living expense items (e.g. telephone, credit cards) in my name.

This started to cause a significant strain on our relationship and we are no longer together. I am sure I could have avoided this heart ache, had I known towards the beginning about her serious financial situation. It may have deterred me from getting involved.

At what point is it feasible to ask someone about their financial status?

Thank you,
John

So what do you all think about this? Comment in the blog

Body Hair- What do you think?

2009-05-25T14:18:00.000-07:00

I was listening to Howard Stern a while back and heard a commercial for the ManGroomer. I have never had an issue with back hair, but then one day saw a little something where it didn't belong and decided to pick up the ManGroomer.

I had also heard a lot of female friends comment that back hair was a major turnoff, so I tend to make sure things are not growing where they do not belong.

So I recently became friends with another gal and the topic of body hair came up at a singles comedy event at the Brokerage. She said "As long as his private area is shaved, he could have back hair, nose hair, chest hair, or any other hair for that matter." Other female friends have recently said the same thing, (not about the privates), but that back hair is not really a turn off anymore.

So what do YOU think about back hair? or any type of hair for that matter?
Comment in the blog

Guys, please don't act like this if you want love

2009-05-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

Cuddle Party? What do you think

2009-05-01T07:05:00.000-07:00

So you watched the video? What do you think?

Stand Up University

2009-03-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

Our next class starts March 24, 2009 and will be held at the Brokerage Comedy Club, Bellmore, NY

Back by popular demand, we are once again granting our Two for One offer. This means that two of you can take the class for just $275.00 (that's $137.50 each). However, you must take the class with another classmate to take advantage of this offer. (sorry, no exceptions). Please send deposit as outlined on our website.

www.StandUpUniversity.com- You must mention WEEKENDDATING to get this special offer

Pretend you are talking to your good friend

2009-03-17T10:02:00.001-07:00

I was talking to my friend Lucy about what she looks for in the approach stage.
She said "I want a guy who will interact with me like he is talking to his friends, not coming off nervous or awkward, just being natural."

Her advice to the guys: When you see a pretty woman you want to approach, don't look at her as a pretty woman, try to imagine you are talking to your good friend.

Your thougts

Advice for Getting a Second Date

2009-03-08T20:56:00.000-07:00

The following comes from Tesh.com

Advice for Getting a Second Date

Guys, are you a one-date wonder? Many men get so nervous on a first date that they end up making a terrible impression. That’s why we rounded up some relationship experts and asked their advice on acing the first date - and getting the second:

Let’s start with the logistics. If your date is someone you already know or is the “friend of a friend” - pick her up at her home. According to relationship columnist Susan Davis, when a guy does that, it sends the message, “You’re worth the extra effort.” However, that doesn’t apply if you met online. In that case, meeting in a public place is the gentlemanly thing to do.

Either way: The guy should pay. April Masini, the author of Think and Date Like a Man, says that paying for dinner sends the signal that your interest is romantic.

Skip the good night kiss. Honestly, the experts are split on this, but in a Harris Interactive survey, only half the ladies thought kissing on a first date was appropriate. Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t offer her a kiss on the cheek.That’s respectful, and still romantic.

This last tip comes from relationship coach David Wygant: End your date by asking for the next one. So, if she told you she’s a fan of Greek food, say something like, “I know a place that makes the best moussaka. Want to have dinner Thursday?”

To put it simply, chivalry is not dead. If you want to turn a first date into a relationship - do the driving, pay the tab, and end with a respectful kiss on the cheek and a second dinner invitation. That way you’ll both be looking forward to the next time you get together.

NYC Speed Dating

Men that cry

2009-03-05T12:54:00.000-08:00

I admit that I was hooked on the ABC show the Bachelor this season, and this week bachelor Jason has gone from being a great guy to "the most hated man in America." If you are unfamiliar with all the buzz from this week, you can watch a video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1r7vSl0MYE

Women from across the country have ripped into this guy, with some going as far as posting his listed phone number online and encouraging others to call him and tell him what a slime ball he is.

The saga also raises an interesting debate over men who are emotional and are not afraid to cry. Most of my female friends have called Jason a Wuss, crybaby , etc, however a few have said that that is was a pleasant change of pace to see a guy who was not afraid to cry.
So, here is your chance to sound off about the Bachelor show in general and also about whether you think it is ok for men to show emotion and cry.

Speed Dating NYC Long Island Speed Dating

Sex Education for Singles?

2009-02-08T16:50:00.000-08:00

Hi Jay,I attended one of the single events at the Commack bowling alley back in December. I was the very energetic Morgan.

I am currently at a professional conference for educators in which many of us in the field are discussing how people our own age DO NOT know the updates on birth control and Sex Education.

Since some people are newly divorced, they might remember what they were taught in school, yet need an update.What do you think about offering a "Women's only" and "Men's Only" update on sexuality issue for the singles that use your services? I would love to offer a workshop for singles!!!

I am passionate about what I do, and I promise would make the evening fun!!!

What do you think Please comment on the blog if this is an event you would like to see. Secondly, if you do like the event idea would you prefer it to be women only, guys only, or co-ed?

How to tell if he is serious about you

2009-02-02T15:47:00.000-08:00

By Christian Carter
It is every woman’s desire to be truly loved by a man. So how can you know whether he is truly serious about you? If you are in a relationship now and want to avoid a sudden heartbreak, you need to know whether your guy is fooling around with other women and especially with you. Here are some useful hints and tips that might help you to understand your guy’s feelings for you are true or not.

One of the most useful hint is accountability for his schedule. If the guy is honest he will tell about what he does. But if he is fooling around he will be reluctant to tell what he was doing during a particular time period. This means that he is hiding something from you.Particularly , another woman. Ask your man casually what he was doing in a certain time and if he goes to defensive mode or remains silent, beware!

It is more likely that he is using you and you must expect to be dumped soon.
If a guy is into a serious relationship, he has loads of long term plans. Ask your man how he sees you relationship in about three or four years from now. If he is serious about the relationship he will give a satisfactory answer. Ifnot it is better for you to go into defensive as he is thinking short term and might be using you!

Okay, girls beware of these signals to avoid heartbreaks. Every woman want to avoid serious heartbreaks and being dumped. Also what you must keep in mind is that each and every guy is different and unique. Therefore above may not be true to everybody.

But if you look at the bigger picture you might be aware that most guys do show these signs when they are not serious. These signs have many faces. So take your time to interpret them so that you can take necessary precautions and get ready when something goes wrong.

To get more tips and a free ebook visit Christian Carters Website

NYC Singles Events

Rejection 101

2009-01-28T16:03:00.000-08:00

Rejection 101
Has this ever happened to you? You see someone attractive. You make eye contact, smile, and they look away! If it has, you probably thought, “I’ll never do that again.” Relationship expert David Wygant says that’s a mistake. In fact, he believes the more you get rejected - the better!

Why? Because you’re still trying to connect with people. So, get your pencils out - it’s time for a course Wygant calls ‘Rejection 101’:

The other person’s reaction probably has nothing to do with you. More than likely, they’re preoccupied with something else – like a project at work, or just a bad day in general.

When you try to connect. Don’t expect to bat a thousand. Sitting at home alone because one person turned you down is like quitting your job search when your first interview doesn't pan out. Remember, a baseball player who gets a hit just three out of 10 times ends up in the Hall of Fame.

Improve your odds. Wygant says when you feel like you’re getting more than your fair share of “No thank you” responses - ask yourself if there's a reason why. The solution could be as simple as improving your appearance. That means going out in something other then your baggy sweats and favorite Spiderman T-shirt.

Be nice to everyone, not just the lookers. Wygant believes that we’re less likely to be rejected if we practice our social skills on everyone, even people we aren’t attracted to. In other words, every time you thank your waitress or smile at a passerby, you get better at dealing with people.

That means you’ll be more comfortable when the right person crosses your path.

NYC Speed Dating Long Island Singles

Men changing lanes on the highway

2009-01-25T19:48:00.001-08:00

Jeff Magic suggested that I read the book, Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps
I am only up to chapter 3 but so far it feels a little depressing to be a guy. Most of the information presented seems to give the edge to women as the superior sex and is portraying guys as creatures who can't do more than one thing at a time.

For example, when a guy is watching the television and the phone rings, what does he do? He turns the tv off, or the volume way down so he can answer the phone. What do women do? They answer the phone and can carry on an entire conversation while not missing a beat watching the tv. The book is not saying that women are smarter then men, just that our brains are wired differently.

Hmm, I am saying to myself. This is interesting, but I really don't buy all of these generalities. Then something interesting happened.

I was having a conversation with my friend Vicky while I was driving on the Southern State Parkway. It was a pretty intense topic and we were talking for a while, when all of a sudden, Vicky immediately stopped talking. This happened at the exact moment when I was trying to change lanes on the highway.

I made my lane change and said to her, why did you stop talking. She said "you are a guy, I learned long ago that you won't hear a word I am saying when you are trying to change lanes." I had not realized it, but in my own personal case, she was right. I would get completely frazzled if she was still talking while I was trying to get over.

Ok Ok, I know this is a generality and I am sure that there are plenty of women who wouldn't be able to concentrate if someone was talking while you were changing lanes either?
I will keep reading further along and share any interesting insights or memorable quotes.

Lipstick at the table

2009-01-22T16:26:00.000-08:00

Ok ladies, here is a question for you to answer.

Dear Jay

I recently went to dinner with a good female friend. We are just friends, but I k now she knows that I really want more. She is very friendly and feels comfortable around me and can sometimes be touchy feely (for example, my hair was standing up and she played with it to get it looking right).

After dinner, she reapplied her lipstick and puckered up her lips. Was that any type of sign that maybe she wanted me to kiss her at some point?

After dinner, we went for a walk and she grabbed my arm and we walked arm in arm for a while. Again, this was somewhat unusual behavior from the past. We always had a playful friendship, but it was always me who would have to put my arm around her.

Once again, am I reading too much into this?

Signed
A clueless guy.

Developing Inner Game for Men

2009-01-19T14:07:00.000-08:00

Watch free videos on Inner Game

Developing Inner Game by Cajun

Inner game is probably one of the most popular subjects in the community. It’s a major sticking point for nearly everyone who has trouble talking to women and it’s a problem that can be difficult to fix as well, since it tends to be rooted in a lifetime’s worth of negative beliefs that are based on things like fear and rejection. Inner game is also a topic that I think can only be discussed from a personal level, that is, I can’t convince you how to think or look at life differently, only you can, but I can tell you how I overcame the very same problems, and hope that you can learn from my experiences.

So what is it?

To me, inner game problems boils down to two things: your experience and your mindset. Every problem you run into with not just women, but life itself, can be attributed to one of these two areas. I’m going to get into both of these, and give some personal insights, so hopefully by the end of this article you’ll have a clearer understanding of what exactly it is that you need to work on to fix your own issues.

Experience:
When people ask me how I developed my “Rock solid confidence”, I always answer the same; “Practice”. When you think about what confidence actually is you realize that its simply doing something that you’ve done enough times to be comfortable with. It’s only when were thrown into situations that are unfamiliar to us that we start to lose confidence in ourselves. The sad and somewhat ironic reality is that most men are not comfortable talking to women simply because they don’t talk to women! It’s a negative feedback loop that’s perpetuated by a fear of “what might go wrong”. This is bullshit! To be scared of the possible negative outcomes is to be scared of the very thing that enables you to get better!

Think about it this way; when you were learning to ride a bike, were you too scared to get on because of a fear that you might fall down? Maybe, but you got on anyway because you saw how much fun all the other kids were having, even then you realized that the reward was worth the risk. Well this is the same thing, I remember when I first started out with this stuff I used to get drinks thrown in my face, told off, or simply ignored. The first few weeks were rough; it took me a while before I got used to rejection enough that I could understand where I went wrong. Getting used to rejection isn’t easy, but the best advice I can give you is to simply accept it, don’t get mad at her or yourself, don’t go home, just accept that it’s a completely normal, and necessary part of the learning process. You can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs. The sooner you realize that rejection is a necessary evil, the sooner you can come to terms with it and move past it.

Mind Set:
Most of us grew up in a society that believed in a 2 concentric circle model of reality. That is, the outer circle being reality, or the world around us, and the inner circle being our consciousness. We experience the outer circle; reality, through our inner circle; our consciousness. This is how we believed reality worked; that our consciousness was independent of it…but recently this all changed.

We are now learning through quantum physics that reality is actually the inner circle, and that our consciousness is the outer circle. That is; reality exists inside our mind, we create our own reality with our thoughts (Or beliefs, if you’d rather).
What does this mean?

As far as any of us know, there may only be 1 reality; your own. Who’s to say I’m not a figment of your imagination, your reality, writing this entire article out to send a message to YOU, from your subconscious mind. It’s possible.

The truth is, whether any of us actually exist or not is irrelevant. Life is a game, and it’s a game that a lot of people are scared to play. Don’t be one of them.

I recently received an email from a student of mine asking about the power of beliefs, and how they work. I replied with the following:

“Think of it this way: what if, let’s say, 15 years from now programmers invent this computer game that is virtually identical to reality. The AI is so smart you can’t tell it’s not a real person. The five senses are so accurately programmed that there is no detectable difference to reality. Now, you get to play this game, but the programmer tells you some hints on how to play, he says this:

“This software is programmed to work intuitively with your brain. So, if you want to be, let’s say, a rich Casanova in the game, then all you have to do is believe that you ARE a rich Casanova, and you will become one. The trick is you have to actually believe it, and then the program takes care of the rest. In fact you can have, and be anything you want in this program as long as you ask for it using these “beliefs”. Think of it as your “console hack”"

I’m sure you saw this coming, but this “game” already exists and it’s called reality. You become who you believe you are.”
Sound a little like the matrix? Well that’s ok, like I said; I can only give advice on inner game from my own personal perspective and this is simply how I believe reality works.

I’ll end this article with something that I’ve never written about before:
I remember the very night that I became good at attracting women, I remember because I had an epiphany that night and it was so mind-blowing that I had to write it down as soon as I came home. It has since become my mantra, and I know that if down the road I ever forget everything that I’ve learned in the past few years, all I will have to do is read this piece of paper and it will all come back. What does the paper say?
“The secret to becoming amazing at attracting women is…to remember that you already are.”
- Cajun

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Why men get close and then pull away after sleeping with a woman

2009-01-11T20:12:00.000-08:00

By Christian Carter

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

This time I'm responding to an email I got from a woman who recently bought my ebook.

I think you'll “feel her pain” and see why I wanted to respond to her.

She's going through that dreaded situation I've seen lots of women deal with where she was dating a guy and became “physical” with him, but then he quickly pulled away.

Want to know what's going on with a man in this situation and what he's thinking?

And what to do about it?

Keep reading...

>>>> Question From A Reader

Hi Christian

I've just bought your book.... I'm from Thailand and I appreciated your book so much. Unfortunately, I read the lesson about Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how to let a man wait for sex... but I've already made that mistake and had sex with him. I want a more serious relationship and I told him afterwards, but as you told me he would, he became impatient when we talked and it made me so frustrated and upset.

Now he's acting distant. So, what should I do to rewire our relationship and make him see my worth?

I feel so disappointed about my actions.

Christian, please help me...

Best regards,

J from Thailand

>>>> My Response

I want to give you a big hug... and then a good SLAP.

Ok, listen closely.

I'm about to share something with you that I want you to NEVER, EVER forget.

It's the reality about how most men work when dating.

Ready?

A man will NEVER see your “worth” just because he's having sex with you.

It sucks, but that's the way men act sometimes.

And guess what?

You're dating a man.

So let me be very clear here:

Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn't mean that he's spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her in the future.

Got it?

Ok, good.

Because even though you've already moved on to how you're going to settle down together, he hasn't even decided if he wants to try anything “serious” out with you.

Sure, it would be great if a man let you know this before he slept with you, but that's not reality most of the time.

And I'm willing to bet you played a part in this.

You're not entirely innocent.

Were you up-front and honest about what you were looking for?

Or did your true feelings sneak up on you, freak you out, and then freak him out too?

GIVING AWAY YOUR “SELF” TO A MAN

I've got an important question for you...

Who made this guy the final judge of your “worth” as a woman?

The answer...

You did.

Cut it out.

And I'll bet I know WHY you did it.

I'm going to get a bit “deep” and “spiritual” here with you, all in the name of tough love.

You're seeking his APPROVAL in the worst kind of way.

You're waiting and wanting HIM to show YOU that you deserve the experience of open and unrestrained love.

You're counting on him to be the strong and masculine lover you've always wanted, who will break through the barriers in both of your hearts.

That way you can SURRENDER to the deep kind of love that you truly desire from a man.

Unfortunately, that's not what's happening or how he FEELS with you right now.

But deep down, you believe that if you can come up with enough “proof” that he should love and value you, and if you can make things “perfect” between you two, then he'll become the open and loving man you imagine him to be.

It's time.

It's time for the little girl who's seeking a man's approval in order to experience love to grow up.

It's time for you to stop hoping that a man will become the man you want him to be, when he shows you that he doesn't even have a clue about what love is or how to be with a woman.

But you're so wrapped up in his perspective, what he's doing, his feelings, his emotions and his desires (or lack thereof) that you've all but forgotten about something WAY MORE IMPORTANT.

What YOU really want.

I'll take a wild guess here and bet that the kind of guy that you truly want isn't the kind of guy who would act how this guy is acting.

As in, the kind of guy who would sleep with a woman and then act distant and irritated with her just because she wants to talk about how she's feeling.

So, sorry for asking but...

What the h#ll are you doing!?

You're wasting your energy trying to get the love and approval of someone who acts like a person you don't even want to be with!?

Ok, now that we've verbally smacked you around a little bit, we can move on from what NOT to do, to learning what to do.

LOVE, SEX AND THE MIND OF THE “MASCULINE MAN”

You need a lesson on who a man really is.

There are FASCINATING biological reasons for why men act the way they do.

But the reasons that are the most important for you to understand right now aren't the “scientific” ones.

I'm going to get a tiny bit “out there” right now, but stick with me...

There's a big difference between what I'll call the “masculine” energy and the “feminine” love or energy.

Pay careful attention here.

The feminine energy grows with fullness, praise, connection and love, to allow a kind of “surrender” in all kinds of joyful experiences.

With sex, women surrender to the experience with a man through love and connection, which can make the man and woman as one.

But the masculine energy doesn't work this way. At least not in the “darker” part of a man.

The masculine energy is VERY different.

The masculine energy seeks to break through challenges all alone and arrive at its desire - “emptiness” and “freedom”.

Have you ever heard a man talk about how he wanted his “freedom”... and you wondered what the hell he was talking about?

And you could tell that he didn't even really know what he meant by his “freedom”.

This “freedom” or emptiness is actually the masculine means of surrender and fulfillment.

Just as the feminine means is connection and loving.

Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to sleep or act like they're off somewhere else after sex?

There are tons of pop-culture references to men doing this in TV, movies, books, etc.

People know that men often behave this way.

It's “conventional wisdom”.

But most people don't really know WHY men act this way.

Here's my favorite way of explaining it...

Have you ever thought about why so many men have a strong addiction to watching sports events.

Well, each game is setup in a specific way that draws a man's emotions into the experience.

At the center of each game is a person or a team that rises up to overcome.

It's a kind of trial where a man will break through hardship, competition and challenge.

And when a team or player scores a goal or a touchdown and celebrates, something fascinating takes place.

The man “breaks through” the challenge into “freedom” and the final emptiness of victory.

Then the men will celebrate as though their greatest desires have been fulfilled and cry out as they never have before.

Bizarre and fascinating...

Ok, back to Earth.

How does this relate to dating, sex and love?

With sex, a man doesn't “surrender” to love and connection the way a woman does... unless he learns to.

** And yes, a man can and should learn how to surrender himself with his woman to love **

But instead, men often seek the physical challenge of sex as a goal unto itself, where they can break through to a temporary “freedom” and emptiness.

Whoa... Heavy stuff.

Here's the point, in case you don't like talking in myths and metaphors.

But first, don't go telling this story to the man you're dating or with out of the blue.

He will think you're CRAZY - unless he's the kind of guy that's already on a more spiritual kind of “path”.

This is for YOU to know and to work with.

So back to you....

Notice that in physical experiences with women, or in life for that matter, most men don't have the same strong drive to be deeply and unwaveringly CONNECTED to the people around them like most healthy women do.

Often times, they're driven by something that has nothing to do with love, intimacy and connection.

Yeah, I know. Men are CRAZY and messed up and different.

But men don't have to be bizarre and strange this way if they LEARN and become AWARE.

Or...

If they have a woman who gets it, she can lead and challenge him into finding freedom through love and connected experience, not through empty physical experience and isolation.

LET'S TIE IT ALL TOGETHER

Here's the thing...

A man will NEVER see you exactly the way you want him to see you, or value you exactly the way you know you should be valued, if... you're doing things just to seek and win his love and APPROVAL.

Yes, you might have “goofed” by being physical with him too early.

But stop being so hard on yourself. It's the past, and it's not the problem now.

The real problem now is something entirely different.

Sleeping or being physical with a man is NOT a bad thing.

Trust me. wink, wink.

But you've got to create the right feelings within him before and during the experience of being together for it to truly bring you closer in love.

Sorry, but just being there isn't going to do it and reach a man's heart.

Wow, I just realized... men are actually so high-maintenance.

Anyways...

So you want to know how to “re-wire” things?

Here's what to do first:

Stop wanting the fact that you've had sex to magically win him over into being an open and loving partner like you are.

Then go back and read the section in my book inside Chapter 8 called “Triggering A Deeper Level Of Attraction In A Man”.

What you need to know is there.

(and read, re-read and put it to use this time!)

But let's keep going and I'll touch on a few of the same points that are in there.

Ever thought about what a man really wants in a woman to date or fall in love with?

I'm talking about mature, healthy men here.

** They want someone that they WANT **

They want to WANT a woman, to worship her, to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her off her feet with their physical and emotional presence.

And for the woman to be utterly and completely taken with them and what they do.

I'm sure you've seen or heard this kind of male fairy tale before.

So why don't men just act this way with women if this is what they want?

Ahhh... welcome to dating.

Because most women don't create the experience that will make a man FEEL this way.

So here's a “center-piece” of the puzzle...

I call it the “Pursuit Gene”.

There's a drive in men that makes them want to be CHALLENGED... and to overcome that challenge.

I know it sounds cliché, but it's true.

Remember the “spiritual” story from earlier?

Men want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman.

And then they want to win the woman over and feel stronger as a man for having done it.

Men deal with this in one of two ways:

1. They find more “freedom” and emptiness by physically being with a woman in the short term

2. They find connection and love by physically AND emotionally being with the woman in a deeper and “longer-term” way

Here's the AMAZING part...

A woman helps him choose which it will be with her.

Interesting...

The point is, men LOVE the chase.

Some men might tell you that they don't.

They do.

Men love the chase and the challenge not in their “logical” minds, but down where it counts.

They love it in their FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.

It's part of their genetic make-up.

But if a woman loses control emotionally, seeks HIS APPROVAL or thinks she can trade sex to receive love before a man's experiencing an intense desire to WIN HER OVER and to be with her, then something bad happens.

The man loses that feeling of excitement and challenge with her.

He recognizes that the woman has already given over physical and emotional CONTROL to him.

Which destroys the strongest “lead-in” to creating lasting love with a man.

It's just one simple word.

ATTRACTION.

Men want to feel ATTRACTION.

And I don't mean that they want to talk about it or analyze it so that it makes “sense”.

They don't want to listen to what a woman tells them is going on and then come to accept and understand how and why they should be in love.

No. That's not how men work.

Instead, they want to FEEL their desire for a woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting.

Get where I'm going here?

If you don't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you and trigger the emotional desire deep inside him to win you over and be with you for the long term, then there's no amount of talking, sharing, or SEX that can change his mind.

In my ebook “Catch Him & Keep Him” I talk about the VERY BEST ways to create great experiences and situations with men.

Experiences and situations that will make a man respond to a woman with INTENSE DESIRE and ATTRACTION.

And not just in the “empty” physical sense, but instead with more deeply connected feelings.

Chapter 9 of the book is titled “From Casual To Committed - Communication Secrets with Men & New Relationships”.

In it are some of my very best ideas on how to build the right “emotional environment” for a man to feel addicted to the love, connection and attraction you share.

He'll wonder why he didn't find you and figure out how to be in love sooner.

Check out the details here:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Thanks and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

The Truth about how to approach women

2009-01-05T07:39:00.000-08:00

By Carlos Xuma

The TRUTH About How to Approach Women...

QUESTION ABOUT FEAR OF APPROACHING WOMEN:

Hello Carlos,

My understandings on women have changed a lot since I read your books and I have read them several times. I am trying to be the Alpha Man which you insisted we (men) all have to be. I am working on it and to tell you the truth I do feel about better about myself.

But, despite reading all your articles, I still get scared to death when I approach women, my thoughts just turn from Alpha to Beta within seconds and I just can't do anything although I already at least have a plan of how I'll get them engaged into the conversation. There are these thoughts and strange stomach feelings which start building up when I start approaching them to talk.

Now I am at home, just got back from a New Years party, sad, depressed and ashamed of myself. I cannot express in words how bad I am feeling now after having seen all those beautiful women in the party but could still not do anything...

I realise this is affecting my life because I feel lonely and this is not a problem I can talk to anyone to feel better, what's even worse is my close ones do not even try to understand what my problem is.

I can change to become or at least pretend that I am an Alpha Man but the moment I see an attractive woman this all disappears and I come back to being a beta.

I am writing this e-mail to you probably because no one understands this awful problem of mine better than you.

Did you ever find yourself in this situation? If yes then what did you do to overcome this?

- Ranjiv
Reading, United Kingdom

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS ABOUT APPROACH ANXIETY:

Well, first of all, let me tell you that the experience you are having is a common one for many guys.

When I say "many," I really mean MOST every single guy out there.

So when you try to explain to other guys what you're experiencing, many of them simply DENY that it is even happening. It's crazy, but most guys don't want other guys knowing that they feel fear approaching and talking to women.

It seems un-manly. And it can really be completely humiliating.

I know - I had a TOUGH time admitting it when I had this problem. (Yes, I have had this experience hundreds of times in the past.)

It's funny, but most guys have this epiphany over the New Years holiday that they are not getting the success they feel they should with women.

It's emphasized by the fact that they don't have a date for the party they went to, and then it's really punched into their gut when they don't come home with a number from any of the women they met.

When midnight comes on New Years and everyone else is hugging and kissing their sweetheart, you feel like the loneliest guy on the planet for being ... well, the only one without a girl.

I hated that feeling, and it really pissed me off that I could be in a room full of pretty women and not be able to talk to ANY of them.

I'd stand with my drink in my hand and PRAY that one of them would come over and talk to me, but that never happened. Some other guy would always approach her while I was trying to think up some clever opening line.

"Let me tell you what Approach Anxiety really is..."

Approach anxiety is that sensation you have when you're about to approach a woman, but there's this little voice in your head that stops you dead in your tracks and keeps you from walking over to her.

It's just like the feeling you had when you were a kid and you knew you were in trouble and had to go to the principle's office, or go home to your angry parents.

(Isn't it weird how your senses are all on alert when you're in an approach situation? It's almost like being in a different dimension...)

This feeling is simply known as DREAD.

You're almost completely paralyzed by your own brain, but the worst part is that you don't even really THINK anything when you're trying to just say something - anything - to her.

(I'm getting freaked out as I type this, because I'm remembering the sensation - and just how much it really SUCKS.)

Approach anxiety is something I call a "Compound Emotion." This is an emotion that is so complex and complicated that you can't figure out where it's coming from or how to deal with it.

They get all mixed up in your head, and you have no idea how to overcome it to do what your mind wants to do, but some other part of you is short-circuiting.

In fact it's so complex that I can't possibly overcome this for you in a simple newsletter, but I can give you some tips...

First, start to really monitor that feeling in your body when you get ready to approach a woman. I'll bet that you feel the same things every time, and if you can start to recognize the sensation in your body first, you'll have your first alarm that you can sense when it's about to go off.

If you can sense the feeling before it comes on, you can stop it before it paralyzes you. Just like taking some Vitamin C tablets or echinacea extract to prevent a cold that you feel coming on.

"Everything begins with AWARENESS..."

Next, start to plan how you'll get started in interactions with women. You're probably blowing yourself out because you're trying to run before you can even walk.

Your goal is just to talk with her at first, for just a minute or two. Keep it LOW anxiety.

You need a couple good openers to get you started.

One that I use quite a bit is this:

"Hey... You know, you have a really nice energy about you. I just had to come over and let you know."

Now that is fantastic for getting a woman to open up, because you're giving value to HER instead of just "pickup" lines that don't do anything but scream out "pickup artist."

I personally use that one all the time, and it has never failed to start a conversation.

(By the way, if you'd like more openers like this, please read on for the link below to my bonus article...)

Do you ever feel like you're at a loss when it comes to approaching women and getting them interested in you - romantically?

Read the next couple paragraphs carefully, because what I'm about to tell you has a DIRECT IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE...

"Women are attracted to several KEY behaviors in men..."

These are things that many guys don't know are attractive to women because it goes against what they think of as "nice."

The ideas I've just discussed in the letter above are what I consider to be essential behaviors to incorporate in your identity. These are a critical part of dating success with women.

Most guys spend no time improving their approach skills with women, and they end up chickening out when the time is right to approach a woman they're interested in. They'd rather sit back and talk about what they WOULD do, but not actually muster up the courage to go and really DO IT.

I'm going to tell you a little secret:

I used to be the same way. I remember fondly going to a bar in Kansas City (where I was living at the time) and being so desperate to meet someone that I pulled out a business card, found a woman that looked attractive, and I handed it to her saying, "Excuse me, I think you dropped this."

What chance did that have of working?

About zero. Because even if she did find it cute and endearing that I tried, it was a pitifully indirect method of expressing my interest.

And it didn't work. (If you'd like to read the whole story of my fateful and horrible approach skills back then, you can go read about it at the link I'm going to give you...)

"That failure was the last straw for me..."

I was fed up, and I'd had ENOUGH.

If you're like me, you know that approach anxiety doesn't get better without learning some new skills and techniques to overcome my fears. It simply will NOT get better on its own...

In fact - it usually gets MUCH WORSE over time. It's a lot like social cancer to a man's life. That sounds brutal, but it's true.

I made a decision right then that lasted me a lifetime. I decided that - do or die - I was going to learn how to approach women, how to talk to women, and how to get her interested in me.

No matter WHAT it took.

I started watching other guys, trying out my own stuff, seeing what worked and what didn't, and I everything I learned down.

Now, a couple years ago, I took all that information and I put it all together into something that was designed to get guys past all these hurdles.

I know what it's like to sit there feeling like you can't talk to that hot woman in the bar, or the attractive store clerk you'd like to ask for her number.

I know how it feels in your stomach to go through this every time you see a woman you want to approach.

Now you can finally fix this...

RIGHT NOW.

Get the answer you have been looking for here

What it means if he doesnt call

2008-12-29T12:27:00.000-08:00

By Christian Carter

What It Means If He Doesn’t Call

Ever wonder why the man you're dating and having an amazing time with doesn't call you very often?

Or worse... stops calling altogether?

If you've ever had this happen to you with a man, then you know how FRUSTRATING it can be when a man just suddenly stops calling for what seems like no good reason...

And you've spent more time than you'd like to admit wondering what happened and what YOU might have done wrong.

Most women in this situation fall into a kind of trap that seems to work against them...

Instead of recognizing that the man not calling is an important signal in of itself, they become obsessed with wanting to know what he's thinking and WHY he's acting this way.

But most women also know on an intuitive level that coming out and actually asking a man why he's acting this way wouldn't bring about anything good.

And guess what?

Their intuition is right.

With most men in this situation, if you want to connect with a man and grow closer, then the answer is NOT to try and get him to talk about his thoughts and feelings.

It's time you learned what it really means if a man isn't calling... and what to do about it to quickly "turn the tables" in your favor so that he's the one calling and asking you out.

I'll share this with you, but first I want you to read this email I got recently from a reader about this exact kind of situation.

**Question From A Reader**

Hi Christian,

First of all I think you are great and have learned a lot from reading your book. I am divorced and have been dating a widower for about a month. We get together once or twice a week - I don't expect more than that - as he lives about half an hour away from me. Our dates are great and there is a definite physical attraction on both sides. My problem is that in-between dates I don't hear from him. I know that he works hard and is bringing up 3 children on his own - but how long does it take to pick up the phone and ask me how I am? Am I asking too much? Is it too soon to expect anything? I don't want to complain and frighten him off, as I really like him. What do you suggest?

Looking forward to hearing from you R.J. from Illinois

**My Response**

Ok, let me get the facts straight here...

You've been out with a man for an entire month. (Not long at all, and effectively NO TIME in a man's mind)

You've seen each other once or twice a week or so for 3-4 whole weeks. (Not even enough for a man to see you as "dating")

And you know he is busy and raising three young children on his own. (His attention and focus is admittedly elsewhere.)

But in just a few dates you've already become disappointed and "bothered" by the way he's being... and you're wishing he would CHANGE.

DANGER.

This is bad for YOU, and for him.

The approach and mindset you have right now is almost guaranteed to make this man see you as too demanding and "needy" to want to be with you, when it's just a few weeks in.

So I hope you haven't started talking about all your feelings of disappointment with him yet.. because it wouldn't go over well with the way you're looking at things.

But here's the worst part of all this...

You already have my e-Book and you’re still asking me for the "easy" answer on this, as though there is some magic pill I can give you that will make a man act the way you want or expect him to be.

I'd like to be able to lie and tell you that I could change a man for you.

But I can't... and you know it.

The truth is, I've only got YOU to work with... and you've only got YOUR OWN thinking and your own behavior that you can use to make a difference.

It's time you started thinking about how you can take RESPONSIBILITY for creating the RESPONSE you want in a man...

Instead of sitting around frustrated that he hasn't met YOUR EXPECTATIONS you have for him. (Especially when he doesn't even know what these are)

You need to open up my e-Book and go to page 32.

On that page, I want you to read the section called "Initial Thoughts" at least twice and think about what's going on there.

I want you to think about the 2 types of people I talk about... and the kind of "magic mindset" that's going to help you naturally start creating great situations in your life.

Then I want you to think about how this relates to the idea of COMMUNICATING with a man in a way that creates ATTRACTION inside of him.

As opposed to communicating with a man in the way that KILLS the attraction he might be feeling for you.

Once you've thought about this, I want you to go to page 36 and read the section on "How To Be Honest About What You Want".

Pay attention here to the 4 important questions you need to ask yourself BEFORE you get involved with a man, or start talking about your relationship with him.

And make sure you learn and understand what I call "a unique habit of happy people".

If you could apply this one simple habit to your love life, I know it would immediately give back to you the kind of understanding and satisfaction you're seeking but not meant to get yet from the man you're dating. (Hint - there's a reason why you and he aren't totally "connecting" yet, and it's NOT all about him)

And by the way, you can download a free trial copy of my e-Book at the link below right now, and be reading it in just a few minutes

Download and read my e-Book here right now:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Now, you've also asked a great question in your email...

"Am I asking for too much from him?"

Simply put - YES. You're asking for too much because you shouldn't be ASKING HIM for what you want and then hoping that he "meets your demands".

This is a LOSING APPROACH that will 100% guarantee that a man won't want to give you what you're looking for.

Why?

Well, it's not because you actually are asking for too much.

It's OK to know that you'd like a man in your life who you're involved with to call you more.

But this isn't about whether this is ok for you to ask for.

No. This is all about THE WAY you ask, and the emotions and expectations a man will see that you're holding onto when you open your mouth and you've been going through a whole lot of disappointment and frustration with him... while he's thinking that you've been out on a few fun dates and everything is fine and dandy.

WHY ISN'T HE CALLING MORE?

Here's something you might not have thought about...

Men often communicate and show their feelings in less "direct" ways than simply saying and expressing how the feel.

In fact, most men are a whole lot more conscious of DOING things than they are of how they effect and relate to others on an emotional level.

So... when a man doesn't call, it's often NOT an indication of something else going on in his head that he might want to talk to you about.

Often times it's simply an indication that he doesn't actually FEEL like spending more time around you.

So he simply doesn't call.

In other words, when it comes to men and dating, it's best to look at a man's ACTIONS and BEHAVIORS as the only TRUE INDICATION of how they really feel inside.

As a woman, you can probably spin your wheels dreaming up all kinds of incredible and elaborate ideas and scenarios for why a man isn't calling and what it means about his feelings and your situation.

But, if you're interested in doing more than analyzing and trying to figure out things in your own mind... then it's best to "read" the men you're dating early on by what they DO... and NOT what they SAY.

Which means... a man not calling you often, or at all, is an important signal in of itself.

If a man is spending time with a woman he "likes", but he isn't sure if he would want much more than a few casual dates with her... then here's what he does...

He only calls her every once in a while to keep the "connection" open... making sure not to let the connection die, but also making sure not to spend too much time with a woman or show her too many signs of interest that might indicate he'd want a more serious relationship.

And yes, some men actually think this way and are CONSCIOUS about NOT CALLING women very often if they don't want things to get more serious.

While other men who don't call are usually doing this inadvertently as they're going about their life and not thinking much about wanting more with a woman.

Here's what you need to take away from all this...

If a man isn't calling and you'd like him to call more and to grow in your relationship together, it really doesn't matter WHY.

The only things that matter are if he's not calling because he's not interested in a relationship with you… ever.

Or...

If he's not calling because he's just not feeling "that way" for you… YET.

Which begs the question - how do you get a man feeling "that way" for you if he's not feeling it yet?

Well, for starters, you need to STOP doing the things that will promise that a man WON'T feel it for you.

Things like CALLING HIM TOO MUCH.

Or getting upset and hurt that he hasn't called when there's no "relationship" yet, and it's just YOUR EXPECTATION that he SHOULD call more.

Or generally taking on any other needy, clingy, or overly emotional behaviors that will have a man thinking you'd be nothing but a pain if he was to get to know you and involved in a real relationship with you.

What you need to do instead is to start to learn the behaviors that create the feeling of ATTRACTION inside a man.

Why attraction?

Because attraction is the one thing that will "override" all the logical reasons a man has for NOT wanting to get involved with a woman or stay single...

And will take over his "emotional world" and have him thinking and acting from his EMOTIONS with you... instead of his "logical mind" that will often try to RESIST a woman and a real committed relationship.

The truth is, if you learn how to keep that intense level of attraction ALIVE in your relationship... and you know how to make a man feel attracted to you on a physical, emotional, and "intellectual" level, then your relationship with him will largely take care of itself.

If you want to learn how to create an intense level of attraction in a man... and keep it going, then check out the chapter on “How To Attract Men” in my e-book now:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Women Want you to approach them

2008-12-25T07:49:00.000-08:00

B y Carlos Xuma
Women want you to approach them.

This one is the one that kicks my butt every time. You see, most guys don't believe this, and a lot of guys don't WANT to believe it.

First of all, I have conducted surveys of women, as well as spoken to women in just about every situation imaginable, and there is a big misunderstanding here about what women want.
This is what guys assume:

"If I see an attractive woman when I'm out during the day, I want to meet her. But I'm pretty sure she's busy, and I'll just be a bother to her. She's obviously doing stuff and in a hurry. I don't want to annoy her."

The problem here comes when we make the assumption without VALIDATING it. We never check in to see if it's real.

Most guys will not approach because of this belief.

And the one guy in a thousand that DOES approach her goes in with this belief in his head, and his approach is weak and half-hearted. He doesn't carry himself with any confidence.
Ask yourself: Do you believe that women are bothered when men approach and talk to them?

Before you do anything else, I want you to read this.
I asked a very attractive Asian girl what her experience with guys approaching her was:
I asked: How frequently do guys approach you?

She said: "This week I'd say 0 guys approached. They showed interest but ... weren't able to turn it into a conversation..."

I asked: How many wanted to approach but didnt?
She said: "Percentage-wise, I'd say 95%."
WOW...!
Interesting, huh?
Now, I know that a lot of guys will hear that and say, "Well that's just ONE woman. Most women don't feel that way."

Nope.
Sorry.

This is true for every woman I've ever talked to.
Here are the facts from a recent survey:
41% of the women I asked said that they are only annoyed at guys when they're boorish and crude...
36% said they are almost always flattered by the approach...
22% said they were excited and happy to meet someone new.

And - get this - 0% (ZERO!) said that they are annoyed all the time when guys approach them.

I also asked them:If you do go to bars, would you go to a bar to meet guys? Or something else?
35% said they went to have fun, but there was a possibility to meet someone...
65% said they don't really go to bars to meet men. They go to socialize and chill.
And - get this - 0% said they go to bars to meet men.

I personally think that every woman goes to bars with that hope in the back of her head that she will meet a guy, but it's not the primary reason she goes.

Women want men to approach them - and especially during the day - because most of the quality women don't go to bars to "pickup" guys.
In fact, here are some of the things women have told me when I asked them, "What would you say to guys who are out there and see a woman they want to talk to?"

- "Just do it - be a man - take the risk..."- "Suck it up and go for it!"- "Just be yourself; don't worry about the perfect pick-up line."- "Do it the worst thing that can happen is she said no But, what if she is interested..."- "PLEASE approach me because most of the time I am assuming that if you do not initiate a conversation, you are not available..."- "Go for it, there's nothing to lose..."

That's a pretty big kick in the butt to get going and do it, isn't it?
But I have to admit, there's not a lot of helpful advice in their words.

"Just do it" is a great slogan for sneakers, but if you could just "do it," you would be doing it, right?

Well, a while back I sat down with some friends of mine that are dating advisers and "gurus," and I recorded all my strategies for approaching women in any situation.
AND I completely broke down and explained my method for getting past Approach Anxiety.

That sick-to-your-stomach sensation of fear and nerves that hits you when you see a woman you want to go talk to... but you can't...
... but you REALLY want to...
... and you still can't...
... but you really want to get to meet her, and you know you HAVE to...
... and you STILL can't do it.

It's like a bouncer is holding your arms and legs and every time you start to move towards her, you freeze up and become paralyzed.
And the worst part about it?
You know that YOU are doing this to yourself.

It's time to get rid of this sensation once and for all.
Kill your approach anxiety, and learn the specific things to say and DO to approach women whenever and wherever you can.

Get a FREE EBOOK with more information from Carlos here

What if your intuition with a man is wrong?

2008-12-22T09:36:00.000-08:00

By Christian Carter

Have you ever sat down with theman in your life and started talking to him andsharing things that you knew were special andimportant...

But instead of him listening and relatingto you and your feelings bringing you CLOSER-it made him become DISTANT and WITHDRAWN?

Sometimes it seems that the MORE it matters toyou, the harder it is to get a man to LISTEN andRESPOND.

Good communication has little to do with how muchor how little you care. Actually, the women whohave the most trouble with men and communicatingin relationships are women who don't take themature and healthy attitude of "owning" the waythe things that they SAY and DO with a man makehim RESPOND.

And until you decide to take the bold stepof taking responsibility for the RESPONSE youcreate inside a man with the way you shareyour thoughts and feelings... you're likelyto NEVER have the man in your life listeningto you and giving you what you want instead.

The quickest and easiest "crash course"in becoming a great communicator, getting thekinds of RESPONSES and LISTENING you want inyour relationship...

While at the same time showing a man thatyou're the kind of woman he wants to be withbecause you're so easy for him to talk to is righthere

Now, let's get into using the incredibleand unique power of using your own INTUITIONto "tune into" a man on a deeper level andbuild the level of intimacy and attractionhe feels with you...
Read the rest of the article and comment on it here
WHAT WILL GET YOU TO "THE TRUTH" OF A MAN
Let me ask you....

Have you ever been with a guy and he seemedto have it all together?

He was caring, loving, generous, presentand aware, and you had such an amazing timetogether.

But then his issues popped up out of NOWHERE.
Maybe his issues were some of the dreadedand predictable telltale signs of a confusedand withdrawing man.

Tell me if any of the following seem strangelyfamiliar to you:

-He starts acting restless and talking abouthow he isn't really ready to "settle down" andwants his "freedom"

-He tells you that he didn't see things getting"serious" so fast

-He doesn't make an effort to connect with you,give you praise or attention, and stops sharingany personal thoughts or feelings

-He stops making you a priority. He wants to spendall of his time with friends or other people anddoesn't value time together anymore

-He never initiates anymore. He isn't asphysically excited and into you as he was at first

-He starts flirting, talking to or even hangingout with other women

Recognize any of these?
Ouch, right?

So what in the world can you do about it whena man is acting so withdrawn and closed off likein these situations above?
Well, tell me...

Did you ever sense any of these things comingbefore they happened, or when they started, butyou didn't have any "proof"?

Fascinating how that works.

What's going on here?

Well, what's happening centers around animportant idea I want you to understand -

It's the idea that you instinctively know moreabout what's going on in the world aroundyou than you or your conscious mind fullyrecognizes.

So here's the deal...

You ALREADY HAVE a magical ability insideyou that comes up for you every once in a while.

So all you have to do is learn how toconsciously tune into it.

This "magic" is what we also refer to sometimesas INTUITION.

So how does it work and what is it?

In short, intuition is something that comes"pre-wired" in your brain.
The way your conscious and subconscious mindis hooked up to the rest of your complex bodysystems and senses make it possible.

So the good news is that this ability is therefor you anytime you want to use it.

But the bad news is that you have to taketime to fully tune into it and recognize yourability.

It a kind of "practice."

Music is a good way to explain it.

You can't just pick up an instrument and start
playing, right?

But once you start to become more aware of theinstrument, the music and how to play, thingsstart to naturally fall into place.

And soon, sounds, melodies and rhythms juststart to flow out of you in the moment.

Like they appear out of thin air, and nothingcould feel more natural.

And your mind is able to process all theinformation coming at it that used to overload it.

But now it can take it all in and use it toactually ANTICIPATE what's next.

Well, this is EXACTLY what this magical abilityof yours called intuition is like.

Your mind is constantly picking up oninformation from your environment, even whenyou're not really conscious of it.

And all that information is being "processed"over and over to try and calculate the risk,danger, and expectations from your environment totry to find a way towards the outcome you want.
So let's get to it.

THE MAGIC POWER OF YOUR INTUITION
Here's something you already know...

Men don't make it very easy for open andhonest communication about what's happeningand what's going on in your relationship.

That's why I don't have to tell you thatmen can be bad communicators when it comes totheir feelings, emotions and intentionsaround love and relationships.
But give them a sports game and they'll giveit all kinds of meaning and emotion that you'venever seem them share before.

What a bunch of apes...LOL
So knowing that men can be BAD COMMUNICATORS,and that they can have serious shortcomings withsharing their feelings or simply knowing how theyare feeling in a given moment and being able toarticulate it leaves you with a personalchoice to make.

You can either:
A) Do nothing about it and continue to beshocked, frustrated, surprised and hurt bythe things that men do and say (or don't door say) and have your relationship stay "stuck"in the same place. Or...

B) You can start to create a more perceptiveand insightful way of being in your own lifeand relationships by using your naturalintuitive abilities... and changing the wayyou and a man COMMUNICATE.

Here's the thing...
Using your intuition will not only help youunderstand a man better, but help guide youto an even more rewarding benefit - to helphim understand YOU.
So which one will it be?
Choice A - do nothing and stay "stuck"?

Or Choice B - grow and learn?
Nod if you're choosing B - more perceptionand insight.
And if you're still stuck in the trap ofChoice A where things aren't great but youalways get to be "right" when the man in yourlife disappoints you... then go ahead and stopreading.
I don't want to waste our time.
Good. Glad you're still here.
Let's get to it then...

USING YOUR INTUITION WITH MEN
Using your intuition might be the best, andin some situations, the ONLY way, that you'll beable to know what's really going on inside themind of a man.

And even better, the best way to find a wayto help him understand YOU and your feelings.
But if you're completely honest, I thinkyou'll remember that deep down even YOU don'talways know exactly what your feelings mean orhow to make sense of it all. So how do you expect a man to take in thesmall part of your feelings that you can explainwith words and understand and relate to you?

Here's an answer to get you started -
Use your intuition and let it guide you.
So how do you do that?
I'm going to give you a short-cut guide togetting in touch with your intuition.
That way, you can start getting the benefitsof understanding and becoming understood.

SIX STEPS FOR USING YOUR INTUITION WITH A MAN
Step 1: Clear Your Mind Of Fear And Doubt
Some women end up worrying almost obsessivelythat something is wrong or going badly with aguy they're interested in or dating once theysee some negative sign or pattern.
And once this happens, they want to knowwhat's going on so intently, and often expectthe bad, that they let their negative thoughtstake over.
If you want to be able to use your intuition,you need to start interrupting that voice inyour head that's the "fearmonger."
You know the one - that voice that's alwaysworrying just to try and keep you safe andprotected... And to predict all the bad thingsyou've seen and felt before so that you don'thave to go through them again.
The thing is, you can't find the truth ina situation if you and your mind is buried insideyour mind in fears and doubts.
Have you ever seen how arrogant people oftencover up or ignore real problems around themjust because they want to believe they're alwaysright - no matter what the cost?
Same idea.
Keep a balanced and objective mind set.
That way your beliefs systems aren't allmixed up with negative thoughts and fears.
If they are, there's no way for you to seethe real "cause and effect" around you.
You'll just see what your mind is fearfuland afraid of - and this only helps bring thesame kind of negative situations and experiencesyou've had in the past into your life again.
Don't do it!
By the way... if you're having a tough timemoving past any painful or negative thoughtsor experiences from your past... or you seethat often times it's YOUR negative and fearfulemotions that end up getting in your way andruin things with men, then I would STRONGLYSUGGEST that you take a minute and read theletter at the link below to help get thosenegative thoughts and patterns out of your lifeonce and for all.
Don't let the things that don't define youand aren't your personal best push away theman you're meant to be with.
Check out free tips and the in-depth programI've created to help you get into a positiveand healthy state that will naturally draw theright man to you and let him know you're thekind of woman he wants to love and be with.
Help yourself, and the man in your life,enjoy your "best self" here

Step 2: Accept That Men Don't Make "Sense"
All those frustrating things that men dothat don't make any sense to you as a womanwill NEVER MAKE SENSE.
Stop trying to make sense of them.
Trying to make sense of a man in your ownterms is entirely counterproductive and willonly make you frustrated.
To learn about things you don't alreadyknow, like intuitive ideas, you have to haveto look with a different set of eyes - notthe same ones you always use for yourself.

Step 3: You Can't Figure Everything Out
Have you ever REALLY hit it off with a guybut after a few weeks or months, even thoughthings seemed great, the man pulled away andstarting acting distant and cold?
Most men, at one time or another, do thingslike this that are impossible to analyze andfigure out.
So... EXPECT to NOT UNDERSTAND everything a man does.
If you can become more comfortable with theidea of not knowing everything about WHY a mandoes what he does, then you'll feel a strangesense of calm relaxation - along with an increasein your own self-confidence.
And guess what? This ends up being VERY UNIQUEand very ATTRACTIVE when a man sees and sensesthat you can be confident and "centered" inthose times where other women he knows have acteda little "too emotional" for him.
Now, I'm not saying that it's OK for a man todo whatever he wants, and that you should acceptany negative and withdrawing behaviors withouthaving your own feelings about it - and"pretending" it's all ok.
But the more relaxed and positive you thinkand feel around these things, no matter what theman is doing, the sooner you'll stop fightingeverything in your mind and start creating bettersituations for yourself.
It's frustrating and counterintuitive, butaccepting what's going on and moving forwardfrom that reality in a positive way changes thewhole frame of the situation.
There's a funny thing about the way the worldworks... and especially about how men are when itcomes to relationships with women -
Any "force" or "energy" that you apply to asituation with a man... there will be a responsethat's equal in force to what you're doing.
This is a basic law of the universe - everyforce produces a response of equal force.
So if the "energy" you're applying is anxious,fearful, uncertain, etc. than guess what you'regoing to get back from a man?
You guessed it - the same kind of energyin response.
But some women get stuck in the "I needto understand why he did this and THEN I'llfigure out how to feel and act" mind set. Sothey keep on pressing and using the force theyfeel... thinking it will somehow transform intoconnection and understanding from a man.
I'll put it to you straight - this NEVERleads to clear thinking and positive action.
And more importantly, it never gets youthe kind of connection and response you wantwith a man.
Quick note here - what if instead of usingfearful, anxious, negative energy that turns aman off, you were to have the kind of energythat would ATTRACT a man instead?
How do you "get" the kind of energy thattells a man that you're the ONLY woman he wantsto be with?
...that you're unique and worthy of his timeand attention?
...that he really got "lucky" the day he metYOU?
I'll tell you how - you get it by doing andsaying the things that trigger emotionalattraction in a man.
If he can't help but wonder and think about youall the time, he's going to pursue you in orderto be close to you. If you create real and lastingATTRACTION in his mind, he won't even be ableto help himself.
He's going to do what it takes to be with you.
Find out how to BE the kind of woman a manfinds irresistible, by clicking here:

Step 4: Listen For More Than Words
Intuition doesn't talk in straight answers,or in plain logical English.
It's much more abstract.
Your intuition talks to you through feelings,images, and bodily sensations such as "gutfeelings."
Most people, especially women I know, areusually in an open and relaxed state when theyget intuitive gut feelings and understandings.
I couldn't talk highly enough about meditation,but I know it's not for everybody.
If you don't think you have a strongintuitive sense, simply try asking yourselfmore questions and keep them mulling aroundin your mind.
When you've got something in the back ofyour mind, something amazing happens withoutyou even trying.
Your brain takes notice and uses all yoursenses to find any sign or trace of informationthat relates to your questions as you go aboutyour day.
It's kind of like a search running inthe background on your computer - even thoughyou're doing something else it doesn't stoplooking.
After you've asked your questions, yourmind will start sending you ideas, feelingsand images without you even thinking about it.
But sometimes it usually takes more timethan you'd like.
Finally, your intuitive voice will eventuallyjust pop up and start to give you hints andinformation without you even asking for it.
And then it's up to you to pay attention,acknowledge it and make good use of it.
The huge mistake too many women make iswhen they get intuitive messages that theydon't like, or that scare them.
When this happens, a mature Woman will lookat the intuitive message she's getting and goto a place of figuring out how she can usethe message she's getting in a constructiveway for herself - and for her relationship.
An immature woman (a Girl) will get veryupset about receiving a negative message, andwill get thrown off emotionally to the pointwhere she will say things that shows she's notin a very fun and attractive place personally andemotionally.
When a man sees this, it would be great ifhe would always stop and say,
"Hey, are you ok? Do you want to talk aboutit, honey?"
But I think you know that this is NOT whatmost men will do in these situations. Especiallyif you're in a "newer" relationship... or you'vebeen in a relationship where you've been actinghurt or upset often around a man.
At these times, most men will either PULL AWAYto try and avoid the negative emotions they cansee and sense in you...
Or they will get irritated or frustrated withyou and want you to simply get rid of your ownfeelings.
Either way, it doesn't work out well. At all.

Step 5: Practice Your Intuitive Abilities
One of my favorite things to do is to trainand tune my intuition with each new person Imeet.
And I've personally found that body languagehas become the thing that gives me specialintuitive hints about people and situations.
If you're new to using your intuition or you'reconcerned about if or how to act on it, startwith smaller things that might be less important.
Like whether or not you should go away forthe weekend or if your friend will like the giftyou've been thinking about for them.
That way, you can be practicing and learnto use your intuition without doing it inhigh-risk or high-pressure situations.
This will help you develop your abilities andbecome more comfortable to trust what you find.

Step 6: Act With The "Long-Term" In Mind
Years ago I had a huge learning experiencewhen it came to using and listening to myintuition in the right way.
I was working at a company that had laid offseveral people and I began to worry that myperformance was being scrutinized and that I wasin danger of losing my job, too.
I began to work harder than ever, hoping toshow them how valuable I was to the company andhow much they stood to lose if they laid me off.
One day, they called me into a meeting and Ithought, "Uh oh. This is it." I thought I wasgetting let go.
Before they could say anything, I startedlisting all the ways I was working hard. But Istarted blaming the managers for a lot of thethings I thought were wrong with the company.
Fortunately, they stopped me before I went "toofar" and said too much. They told me they hadnoticed how much I had accomplished recentlyand wanted to express their appreciation.
The meeting went nothing like I had expected.
End of story.
Thinking back, my intuition had alerted me sothat I'd be aware of what was going on, which wasgood because I was able to "step up" at a verycrucial time.
But the mistake I made was taking thatinformation and using it to justify my own fearsand insecurities.
If I would have taken the information, beenpatient with it and applied it towards my goalsin a positive context, then the entire experienceknowing that the managers were watching my workwould have been different.
Maybe even productive for me.

But I didn't use my intuition to see my wayto something better. I simply used it as a meansto worry and stress myself out over my own fears.
So all this talk about intuition...
How does it really apply to the men in yourlife, dating and relationships?
Well, take a man with some of those commonnegative male behaviors-
-fear of intimacy-inability to commit-flirting, cheating-withdrawal
Intuition can help you see past these thingsand understand them in the larger context of thedeeper, real psychological and emotional "stuff"that's hiding beneath the surface.
Your intuition could even help you cutthrough a man's ego and persona to get to thereal person that's often hard to find.

Intuition is probably the best tool forbeing able to identify good and bad qualitiesin a man.
A man's external or surface behavior andattitude can be very different than his deeperdesires and intentions - as you probablyalready know.
Some men are, unfortunately, just good atplaying the part of an emotionally stable,available and loving guy for a while, even ifthey aren't.
So it's really up to YOU to learn to getto the "deeper emotional truth" of any manyou're interested in or dating.
And yeah, I know men can be soooo frustrating.

In a better world, men would be able to tellyou honestly and sincerely where they were at.
But as you know, MEN SUCK sometimes.
And a man will basically NEVER be able totell you clearly and honestly everything hefeels or what he wants when you ask him.
So if you're constantly surprised, blind-sided or confused by what men around you do,then it's time to get in touch with not onlyyour intuition, but the other knowledge andskills that you can put to work for yourself.

Your heart and your love-life deserve it.
In my "Inside The Mind Of A Man" program,I reveal the "inner psychology" of men when itcomes to dating, relationships, love and sex, sothat you can get a better understanding of whereyour man is coming from, and how to handleevery one of those "weird" but common malebehaviors I mentioned earlier.

Remember, learning to understand is one ofthe best ways to be understood.
With my "Inside The Mind Of A Man" program,you'll learn to quickly identify what a man isthinking and feeling with you - without lettingthose self-destructive fears pop up that sooften cause us to react in fear, anger orfrustration.
Have you ever built up all kinds offrustration about a man, and when you finallytalked to him, it all came out in a destructivewhirlwind that only pushed him away?

Stop doing that to yourself and to yourrelationships.
It's easy to inspire a man to really love andappreciate everything about your relationship.
It all starts with a basic UNDERSTANDING ofwhat HE needs in order to feel like he's the rightpartner for YOU.
Go here now and learn what men really needin order to feel "in love" with you and in orderto know that you are "tuned in" with him everystep of the way:

Get it here

I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luckin Life and Love.

Your Friend,
Christian Carter
P.S. How does a man decide whether or not to"get serious" with a woman after dating her for awhile?
If you've ever felt "stuck" in your love lifebecause you didn't know how to break through the"casual dating" stage with a man and move into areal and committed relationship, I can help.
If you know much about men, then you probablyalready know that the answer with a man in thissituation is NOT to ask him for a commitment.
Lots of women try this and become frustratedand baffled when the man they thought they wereclose to completely pulls away from them or eventries to end the relationship all together.
If you want to grow your relationship with aman, the best way to move into a committedrelationship isn't to come up against his"EMOTIONAL RESISTANCE" to commitment when youbring it up.
The best relationships that women enjoy most,and that last the longest, are the ones where THEMAN is leading the woman into a committedrelationship.
Where HE is asking HER to COMMIT TO HIM.
But for lots of women, things seem to getterribly turned around.
For the greatest chance at happiness andsuccess with a man, and to be able to quickly andeasily move from a casual situation to a real andcommitted relationship with a man, the answer isto learn:
1) How the commitment process works for him
2) How to make a man want to be with you and leadyou into a committed relationship
3) How to keep your relationship growing andhealthy so that you both stay emotionally involvedand fulfilled by the relationship
Most women NEVER learn these things, and as aresult, they never have the kind of success indating and relationships with men they reallywant.
This is exactly what you'll learn in my "FromCasual To Committed" program.
So don't wait for your relationship to figureitself out if you're in one.
Don't wait for a man to figure it out and makeyour relationship work for you.
Don't wait until you're dating the right guyand in a great relationship to learn how to helpit grow and make it work with him.
Make it happen now.
Learn more, and get your trial copy of thisprogram right here:

If you want to meet more people, look at them and smile

2008-12-07T14:10:00.000-08:00

From www.Tesh.com

If You Want to Meet More People, Look at Them and Smile
I have the secret to dating success! If you want to meet more people, don’t be coy. Look directly at them and smile. That’s according to researchers at Aberdeen University, who studied how facial expressions affect attraction. Here are the details, courtesy of the BBC:
The scientists took two headshots of different models - one smiling, and one not. Then, they digitally altered the photos so they had a second set in which the eyes were looking away from the camera.
When they showed the photos to volunteers, everyone like the smiling pictures best. No surprise there. On average, ratings were 6 times higher for the models who were looking directly at the camera than those whose gaze was averted - even when the photos were of the same person!

What’s this mean to you? The researchers believe that when you smile and make eye contact, you’re perceived as being more open to communication. So, if you have a picture on a dating site, make sure you’re looking straight into the camera. You’re likely to get more responses. If you’re meeting people in person, look them in the eye and flash those pearly whites. It’s scientifically proven to make you more attractive.

Long Island Speed Dating Speed Dating on Long Island

Why some guys stay single!

2008-11-24T08:14:00.000-08:00

The following was posted on Yahoo this week. Let me know what you think.

Do you find yourself wondering why most of your buddies have steady dates, yet you can barely secure a first date, let alone a second (and, playing a regular game of Mahjong and Canasta with your grandparents and their friends doesn't count)? Guys, if so, it's time to ask yourself a few Foxy questions...

Do you... have a problem with eye contact? Even if you love everything about this other person, it won't matter, if you can't take your eyes off their body parts. They'll likely think you're out for one thing, or that you're just kind of creepy. Sure, they might be wearing something revealing, but that's no excuse to stare all night long. Get a grip and get comfortable with eye contact, which creates a much better bond.

Do you... eat like a caveman? Utensils are there for a reason -- so you can eat like a gentleman. Shoveling food into your mouth is not something you should subject your date to. Same goes for talking while chewing. Not only is it unpleasant to watch at a time when your job is to be easy on the eyes, it's a red flag that says you're a little short on self-awareness -- an important characteristic in a mate.

Do you... trim your toenails? Not that your date will necessarily see your toenails right away, but when they do end up eyeballing them, unkept toenails are a guaranteed huge turnoff. It means you don't take care of yourself, and valuing yourself is an important part of a healthy relationship. Plus, let's not forget the damage they can do to the other person's leg when you're snuggling up on the sofa watching movies.

Do you... order "everything on the side" at a restaurant? In other words, do you order like a girl? Please don't. Because if your date has to be tortured by, "I'll have the Cobb salad, but no cheese, avocado, or bacon, and dressing on the side, and the pasta, but no oil please, and extra light on the pinenuts," they may be forced to hide under the table or at least wonder what kind of demanding partner you could be. If you have dietary restrictions, do your best, just don't get into what will happen to your belly if you don't follow them.

Do you... assume you're going to strike out? The Secret said it once but we'll say it again: In a lot of ways, you manifest your own destiny. So, if you have lots of thoughts about being unlucky in love, you may be pushing people away in ways you may not even know. If you assume the worst of the world and yourself, spend a few minutes before your date making a mental list of why you're looking for a relationship and why you are an incredible a catch.

NYC Singles- Guys with bad breathe?

2008-11-17T10:46:00.000-08:00

At a recent event, this real cute lady came over to chat with me for a bit. She had met a "nice cute guy" and was speaking with him, but needed to step away because he had really bad breathe.

"What the F**K, he is cute and nice, but I couldn't see myself ever kissing him", she said to me.
My advice to her was to give the guy a chance anyway. "Offer him a piece of gum, or a mint." Certain things you cant change, but bad breathe luckily can be changed if the person becomes aware there is a problem.

But that is the problem! We cant usually tell ourselves if our breathe is kicking, and how do you delicately tell someone that their breathe stinks.

Any advice or similar stories?? Please share in the blog.

All I know, is that I am going to carry those listerine strips in my wallet for now on!

Long Island Speed Dating Speed Dating Long Island

November 2009- Horoscopes

2008-11-09T16:15:00.000-08:00

YOUR NOVEMBER 2008 ROMANCE AND PARTNERSHIP HOROSCOPES

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
There will likely be some friction at work concerning secret information that has to do with some one in authority. If you have nothing to do with it, stay out of it, and if you can feel the vibe coming on that something between your close associates just isn’t right, then observe it from a distance and don’t get involved. You will likely feel extra frisky, sexy and passionate during the middle of the month. Toward the end, the mood lightens and people around you want to have more fun. This month, there will be no shortage of sexual tension and opportunities to express it for your sign.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
Some one who shares your values will pop up this month and you may feel as if you have met a total kindred spirit. There could be more than one, even. The planetary action also hints at some opportunities to meet people who would present some competition for you in the romance and relationship departments, but you will have the will to stand your ground. Turn your attention toward some one from a far-off land (or some one who was born in a different State), at the end of the month.

GEMINI (May21-June21)
Your opportunities for romance and physical intimacy could be slightly hampered by daily chores that will need attention in the first half of the month. Patiently wait this out until the second half. You can expect intensity to rise in a situation where a person you desire is out of your reach. It is going to be a difficult month for expressing devotion, but everything and anything that you say about your feelings and your desires had better be true. Make sure that you know what you want. Your decisions and intentions could end up being set in stone even if you didn’t want them to be. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

CANCER (June 22-July 23)
The planets are lined up in your sectors of partnership and romance. You should have plenty of run-ins with potential romantic partners this month. You will likely meet someone through a job, or who has a job that is similar to yours. You also might meet some one who needs your help in some way, so if you are the type who likes to help out, get ready to help an attractive person move furniture or something (but it is a good idea not to engage in a relationship that looks like it will be co-dependent. Being an enabler and helping some one are two different things). If there has been an ongoing issue with a partner where details of an agreement needed to be ironed out, you will come very close to finishing the task at the end of this month.

LEO (July 23- Aug 22)
The first third of the month and the last third of the month look like serious times where you will need to attend to situations at home and mundane tasks, but the middle of the month is where all of the romantic action takes place. Shared assets are a pain in the rear end, most likely. If you are not currently sharing assets with some one then you will likely be looking into a venture that would combine your assets with those of another person. You can be sure that a romantic pre-Thanksgiving interlude would be satisfying. Help out a loved one toward the end of the month when he or she seeks out your advice, or a shoulder to lean on.

VIRGO (Aug 23- Sept 22)
Talk it up with a dark-haired, mysterious person this month. He or she can give you insight into what it is that you really want. The person might not stick around very long, but he or she will be very useful in teaching you something about yourself. It is likely that if an attraction begins this month, it won’t be a long relationship, but it will be intense and passionate. Get ready for a very pleasant event toward the end of the month that is directly centered in your romance sector, and brings something to you that you have long awaited. Remember though, that it is often better to have quality than quantity. Be Thankful for what you do have this Thanksgiving because you have some very good things in your life.

LIBRA (Sept 23- Oct 23)
Most of your partnership action is taking place in the areas that rule your domestic situation. People you live with may have a lucky streak going on in November. Family matters might have to take precedence over socializing and dating but that is ok. If you are already attached, you will be very busy with your partner making sure that you have finances in order and moving around anything that you have to in order to create security. Over all, it is a busy month. All Libras have the opportunity to meet some one who is fun and frivolous during the last third of the month and this person really tickles your fancy.

SCORPIO (Oct 24- Nov 21)
If you have been looking for a, “partner in crime”, so to speak, you have an excellent chance of finding that person this November! (Refrain from committing actual crimes, please). A hard-headed but shrewd partner is what you need and someone like this would bring some excitement into your life. A current partner or one that you meet this month might have different ideas about settling down than you do. The chemistry between you will be great, but you will have to decide if you want to move on or take a wait-and-see approach. New acquaintances and old friends will be very uptight about money so prepare for them to seek out your advice this month.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22- Dec 21)
You need to brush up on your communication skills regarding money and assets this month, Sag. You may disagree with close partners about finances and you will uncover some spending issues that you didn’t know about previously. Toward the end of the month your ideas will be very important to the people around you. Any questions you had about the motives of partners and love interests are likely to be answered at this time. The relationship ball is in your court during the last third of the month and you will be getting some kind of praise for how you have been handling partnership situations before December rolls around.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22- Jan 19)
Venus is in your sign this month, Cap, and it joins Jupiter. Your attractiveness and luck should sky-rocket. You also have a shrewdness about you now that can be used to get a person, or even groups of people on your side. You are seeing right through their motives so you can almost predict what they will say and do. The first third of the month you will get a little bit of opposition from your partners and people you are interested in. The middle of the month is when you will have the power to make people eat their words, or at least to let them know that you see what they are trying to pull. The last third of the month you will have some personal business to attend to, but you will also have won over some important allies and maybe even get a reward for your hard work.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20- Feb 20)
Your reputation as a go-to guy or girl is in the making this month so you had better be ready to reap the benefits of it. Your natural leadership qualities will attract people who are a bit more attachable and a bit less objective than you are, so choose your partners carefully. There might even be a jealousy issue involving some one you meet (the other party, not you, is likely to be the one showing the jealousy). Your wallet should fare better than the wallets of most people you know this month. Keep your secrets to yourself, watch your back, don’t gossip, and make sure your actions are on the up-and-up. A little excitement on the relationship front is on the way but you want it to be a positive experience for everyone involved. Connect with loved ones and find new friends who live far away.

PISCES (Feb 21- March 20)
You will feel even more idealistic about love this month than usual. You are a deep and emotional person to begin with, and you will trust that the world will bring people together just perfectly. If you don’t already believe in this sort of fate, then start believing in it now. Your need to have a perfect union is strong and you have to have faith that everything in the relationship and partnership areas of your life will turn out just right. Pisces occasionally gets criticized for having blinders on and for being in its own world; but sometimes a little blind faith goes a long, long way. One sign gets the benefit of having the planets of luck and love combine in its sector of dreams, hopes, and wishes for the next several weeks. Tag, Pisces, you’re it.

Fashion Mistakes for men

2008-10-26T19:10:00.000-07:00

AOL just did a story on fashion mistakes for men and I will bring them to
you a few at a time.

BLACK SHOES AND WHITE SOCKS

#1 is something I have been preaching for years already. Guys,
please cut out the white tube socks with black shoes. It does not go
over well with many of the ladies. You only get one chance to make a
first impression, so please invest in some colored socks.

Excessive jewelry

2
of 9

Less is more when it comes to accessories. Other than a wedding ring and a
watch it is best to try and tone the jewelry down. Here are simple pieces of
jewelry that would be an addition to any wardrobe:

fine watches
casual watches
wedding bands
link bracelets
cuff links

Football Jersey
3 of 9
Unless it is game-day it is not ok to wear your football jersey as the casual shirt option in your wardrobe. It is totally fine to show support for your favorite team while you are watching the game, but putting on a jersey to go out to dinner or to go to work says that you are immature. Here are some more mature casual shirt options:polo shirts long sleeved tees fleeces sweaters turtleneck sweaters

Worn down shoes
4 of 9
Shoes can say a lot about someone. They add a lot to an overall first impression. Worn down, scuffed shoes, or shoes with the heel worn down are unacceptable and can ruin the look of a whole entire outfit. Make sure that your shoes are in good condition with these following things:shoe shine kits rain boots shoe racks revolving shoe trees

The wrong socks
6 of 9
Socks leave many well dressed men walking down the wrong path. Socks are an insignificant part of your wardrobe, right? Wrong. Socks can turned a well suited man into a walking fashion faux pas. Specific socks should be worn with specific outfits. Sports socks should be worn with casual attire and casual shoes, like sneakers. Casual crew socks can be worn with khaki pants, polo shirts, and cotton sweaters. Dress socks should be worn with suits, business attire and dress shoes.
Note from Jay: Guilty as charged on this one. I know enough to NOT WEAR WHITE SOCKS WITH BLACK SHOES (yes guys, I am yelling on this one, to never do this again), but tend to wear the same black style sock with everything. So ladies, do you really notice if a guy is not wearing the right sock style (not color) with the right outfit?

Dirty Undershirts
7 of 9
Similar to socks, undershirts may not seem important, but they are. Make sure that you wear an undershirt if you have issues with prespiring or if you are wearing a shirt that does not have a lot of coverage. Selecting the right undershirt is a personal matter, make sure it works best for your body type. And, please, make sure to replace your undershirts when you see that they are stained or torn. undershirts tank tops crew neck undershirts v neck undershirts

Why is it so difficult to get the guys ages 48-62?

2008-10-15T19:48:00.000-07:00

So last week I posted the following in the newsletter
For the past 5.5 years, one specific age bracket has given me fits! Women 44-56 and Guys 48-62.

Why?? There are so many attractive great ladies for this event who want to do this event, but they outnumber the guys on my mailing list at about a ratio of 3 or 4 to one. That is why this age bracket always gets sold out so fast for women. So where do these good guys go? For whatever reason, many guys in this bracket are reluctant to try speed dating. So here is a special promotion for you.

Know a single guy (first time customer only) who would be a great candidate to go to this event, but needs a little coaxing? If you help convince him to go, you keep 100% of his admission fee. Tell your guy friend about the event and when he is ready to register, YOU call me at 718-757-6933 to let me know the referral will come from you. I will take your vital information, and if your guy friend registers you will receive a check for the full amount he paid. Note: You must call me prior to your friend making a reservation, not afterwards.

I received two noteworthy responses provided below

Response #1 from a woman

suggestion: why not lower the age of the men? What's wrong with younger men and older women? It's pretty sexist that you have the "corresponding" age groups at different ages in the first place. Any woman in her late 40's or early 50's gets approached by younger men all the time.....

What Jay wrote back
Hi, I hear you loud and clear and agree with you. The problem is that the number one question I get from the guys and the women for that matter is "how old are the people attending". 80% of the guys are looking for a younger woman, or at least so they say, where 50% of the women I speak with are looking for a younger woman.

Once people arrive at the event, it makes no difference how old people are, just whether there is any chemistry. However, in order to get the guys to register in the first place, the majority of the men want to hear that the women will be younger. We will not mislead people on the age groups and continue to require proof of age.

I have tried events in the past where the ages were the same for that bracket, and I had to cancel because I had almost no men.

So I hear you and agree with you, just that without skewing the ages, I have been unsuccessful in having any successful events.

Thanks again for your comments.

Response #2 from a Guy (Ladies you will not like this)

Jay,

The reason why men in this age bracket do not want to go to speed dating is very simple. These men are older and wiser and do not want to take the bullshit of having a "girlfriend" any more...it just isn't worth the headache. These older women are heavier, more wrinkles, want less sex and still think that men are out there to kiss their ass (which aint happening). At a speed dating event, these woman are sitting there thinking that all 12 men are dying to be with them (which isn't so). Men are tired of the three C's of woman ("controlling", "conniving" and always trying to "change" men). Men don't want these old xxxx anymore. You should have speed dating for "older men and "younger women"!

Sincerely,
RG

Jay's two cents and another guys comments

The above comment is quite harsh in my opinion and stereotypical. That being said, I thought it was best to leave the comment in it's original format and after getting permission from the author, open this up for debate.

I will be honest and say that I have met some women in their 50's at my my events who are in better shape and more attractive than some women in their 30's.

I reached out to a gentleman named "Bob" who has been coming to my events for a while and recently met a woman who he has really hit it off with. Bob is 49 and only came to the events where he could meet a woman a little younger (women 37-47; guys 40-52). Well about 4 months ago, Bob came to an event where the women could be a little older (women 44-56; guys 47-62)

I will tell you that Bob has not been back to one of my events since. He met a great woman that he is getting to know and is very happy. I called Bob for a comment on how he is doing and what he thought of the comment from the other guy.

Bob said " I have very happy I decided to go the event. I met "Sally. She is 5 or 6 years older than I am, and you wouldn't even think it. She goes to the gym, watches her figure, and is in better shape than some women in their 30's. Sally has a good heart, is down to earth, goes out of her way for me left and right. She cooks for me and treats me like a king. I have to laugh about what I did to deserve this.

It sounds to me that the guy who made those comments is frustrated because he has not met the right person. It is not fair to stereotype. There are many men in their late 40's, 50's and above that whole heartedly really want to meet someone for companionship. "

Does Your New Romance Have a Future?

2008-10-12T17:34:00.000-07:00

From www.Tesh.com

Does Your New Romance Have a Future?
So, you’re dating someone you’re totally crazy about! Is this intense attraction you feel for them love - or temporary infatuation? Here’s how to tell whether your budding romance has a potential future, or is more likely to crash and burn as the passion fades. Ask yourself these questions from eHarmony online.
How much do you know about the other person’s life? Sure, you may know what they do for a living and where they live, but have you met this person’s friends, spent entire weekends together, or been included in each other’s daily lives? The best way to know if it’s love or infatuation is take an honest look at how unified the two of you are. This doesn’t mean just the level at which you’re opening up, but how much your partner is letting you in, too.

Do you share common life goals, dreams and ambitions? When the newness wears off, you probably won’t want to invest your time, energy and intimacy with someone who doesn’t share a similar vision of your future. So, before you get too involved, discuss things such as your long term-relationship goals and how you feel about kids. Also, find out where each of your careers rank on your lists of priorities, and how similar your ethics and morals are. While broaching this conversation might feel uncomfortable, it’s an important discussion to have a couple of months into a budding relationship. Why? Because it forces you both to communicate in an honest and open manner, in hopes of cutting down on wasted time and hurt feelings.

Is the feeling mutual? Although YOU may feel that things are sailing along smoothly, your partner may have other ideas. If only one of you is interested in a future together, it’s better to know that before you get in too deep. So – ask. This is another conversation for the two-month mark or so. If you discover that your relationship has potential, congratulations! You may be well on your way to happily ever after. Either way, it’s important to know where you stand as soon as possible so that you can proceed with caution, care, or commitment.

Read the Rest of this article and Comment in the Blog

How to save a few $$$ on online purchases

2008-10-09T14:33:00.000-07:00

How to save a few $$$ on online purchases

Have you ever gone to make an online purchase and it asked you for a promotional code but didn't have one?

The next time this happens, minimize your browser, open up Google and do a search for the company name with the terms discount code promotional code and you may pleasantly surprised. With all that is going on in the news, a few dollars saved, is a few dollars I keep in my pocket. Sometimes the savings can be substantial.
I needed a new banner to hang outside the venues, and the retail cost was $99. I did a search for the banner company name promotional code and found a code that saved me 50%. So for an extra few minutes of googling, I saved $50.
Try it for yourself the next time you buy something online.

Another way to save money on WeekendDating.com events: REGISTER EARLY. You will start to notice a few more promotional discounts for people who register early.

Why Successful Women Fail with Men

2008-10-06T19:09:00.000-07:00

Dating Advice:Why Successful Women Fail With Men
• Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download •
By Christian Carter

Hey,

Have you ever thought that some men just don't like strong smart women like you?

What's up with that!?

Are men that weak and immature?

Well, let me ask you an important question about the men and love in your life.

By the way, how you answer this question could tell the difference between finding a fun, loving and almost effortless relationship that works out in the long term.

Or...

Being single and lonely because every man you get close to ends up resisting and withdrawing from the love and connection you know could be there.

So here's the important question I have for you:

Does not having the love and relationship you truly want in your life change how you act as a woman?

Think about it for a second.

I'm asking, because I recently got an amazing email.

In the email, a woman shares her realization about herself and men that has changed her attitude and perspective about love for the better.

Check out her FASCINATING email....

>>>> Email From A Reader

Christian,

I found your book to be incredibly interesting and quite insightful. Lots of moments of clarity on a subject that is, at least for me, fairly foggy. While I'm not exactly new to the dating game, each experience I have had with dating, boyfriends and even a fiancée has turned up new and exciting horror stories. And then all of a sudden, I think I see the light. In reading your notes about women who subconsciously send signals of essentially being too interested and men's responses to them, I totally saw myself.

While I am more than a little reserved about an outright appearance of "needy" (I'm a very attractive, well educated, highly successful woman and I don't NEED anyone...right??) I suddenly realize, after reading your book, that my inner emotional state is actually very high-pressure, even if I try (probably unsuccessfully) to hide it. It's my inner control freak taking over. I find myself dressing a little nicer when I think I might run into the boy-du-jour. Positioning myself in places where I might "run into" him (I swear I'm not a stalker, but I think most women actually engage in this kind of ridiculousness). Fantasizing about my life with him in it. And all of a sudden, there I am, trying to take control and ensure the proper development of this "relationship". (of course- I'm always in control, right? That's how i've gotten so far in my career and other areas of life...) And then, inexplicably, the more I try to control the situation by impatiently interfering with the natural flow of things, the more I lose my patience and emotional cool. My long-winded point is, that prior to reading your book, I had not been able to step back from my own issues enough to realize that my "control" was actually making me lose control.

Amazingly, this explains not only my own relationship breakdowns, but those of most of my gorgeous, successful girlfriends who also seem to have no luck with men. We have successfully built careers (and great figures) with hard work, persistence, and ultimately achieving control of our situations. It's a pattern that has worked in careers where competition and winning is key. However, sometimes I think we view romantic interactions with men, not as an interpersonal communication in which we must evaluate the other person's point of view, but as just another part of the life scheme that has been set forth for every good superwoman- the significant other that we are expected and expect to have. The problem is that. you never "have" another person. Nor should you. Your book made me step back and reevaluate how I have been going about dating- as though it was a means to an end. And I firmly believe that this was the point of breakdown for me (and probably for lots of other women). Dating must be viewed as a means to a relationship with another person, not as a means to HAVE that other person. Thus, that person's needs must be objectively evaluated as very much separate from my own. If men can be happy and even have a need to pursue and compete, then why be readily available? It just doesn't make sense when you put it that way. And you did.

As a result of your book, I truly believe I will be able to reevaluate the way I look at the men I date- as PEOPLE. With individual interests, needs, wants, beliefs and expectations. Not as extensions of myself (like MY career and MY home) that I build based on my expectations, interests, etc. Thank you so much for sharing your gift of a fresh perspective, no doubt based upon plenty of extensive research. I really think this will change dating for me.

Sincerely, A.W. in Missouri

>>>> My Response

Wow.

I love hearing from smart, analytical and thoughtful women like you.

Thanks for being so open and sharing your personal experiences... and for the feedback about my book.

There's something that's really FASCINATING about what you've brought up.

Over the last several 20 or 30 years, as women have started to enjoy a more “equal” place in society with careers, opportunity, etc., something strange has happened.

Have you noticed that women are often no longer considered “womanly” or “feminine” once they've become independent and successful in their own right?

I have.

And not coincidentally, everywhere I go I hear women talk about how much it sucks that men are intimidated by successful women and don't want to be with women who are on an “equal” or higher standing.

Well, with so many women talking about this phenomenon, I've thought a lot about how and why this is happening to women.

And why men are responding the way they are.

How can being smarter, more independent, talented, etc. than other women and other men actually become something negative?

After lots of research, observation, and personal experience, here's what I realized about the “plight” of the successful and independent woman...

I'm about to tell you the reasons why successful women often have a HARDER TIME than other women finding love.

REASON #1: INDEPENDENT AND SUCCESSFUL WOMEN ARE SMART ENOUGH TO BE DANGEROUS

Have you ever noticed that other smart and successful women around you are often the ones alone or in the least fulfilling relationships?

And have you ever noticed that no matter how intellectually educated a woman is, it doesn't make her immune to the problems of love that a broke or uneducated woman might face?

How can that be?

Does that mean an education and success is worthless?

No. But it does mean that one doesn't have ANYTHING to do with the other.

Lots of women assume that since they're intelligent they can FIGURE OUT or solve any dumb little dating or relationship dilemma.

They think that all it takes is enough focus and determination and they'll work everything out.

This couldn't be farther from the truth.

You can't “think” a man into feeling something for you.

Just like you can't get a man to treat you differently just because you logically figured out what's wrong with him and let him know.

In fact, doing the latter is more likely to have you standing alone in the cold than being held tightly in his arms.

Being “right” doesn't mean you'll be loved.

REASON #2: BELIEVING IN THE “MEN DON'T LIKE SUCCESSFUL WOMEN” MYTH

I can't tell you how many women I talk to that tell me how men are scared and turned off by, or intimidated by, successful or independent women.

I get where they're coming from, but they've confused one thing for another.

The truth is, men DON'T DISLIKE successful women. But they DON'T LIKE them either.

Let me explain...

It's obvious in this day in age that being successful and independent aren't “male” qualities that exclude women from being attractive if they have them.

But here's the thing...

Most men DON'T CARE how successful a woman is.

I literally mean it. They don't care.

Here's why:

No matter what a woman does for a living, and no matter how much money she makes, none of that is going to make a man FEEL anything for a woman.

Following me here?

Are you attracted to a man JUST because he's rich or successful or can buy whatever he wants?

Obviously not. A man's success can add to his appeal, but it doesn't create it.

Men aren't any different in how they feel about women.

But lots of women who are successful, secretly believe that their success should change how men act around them.

And some women, just like men often do, start to rely on their success to try and attract men.

The truth is, success isn't going to turn a man on or create a great situation.

If a woman doesn't UNDERSTAND how to attract a man and create a great relationship, becoming successful isn't going to change that.

But being a woman who LEARNS to ATTRACT men and create the right situation for love AND also happens to be successful will.

REASON #3: SUCCESS ITSELF WON'T GET YOU THERE

Being successful can be a nice quality or a “bonus” about a woman, but inside a man's mind, success has nothing to do with whether or not he feels ATTRACTION or LOVE.

But lots of successful women seem to be disappointed by this.

Understandably, they're frustrated that the respect and status that they've earned at the office or in life hasn't translated over to their love-life.

Even though in the back of their minds they keep thinking that becoming successful has worked for men all these years.

WRONG.

This isn't how it works for men either, so let me use that as an example.

Just because a man is successful or rich, a genuine and open woman doesn't care anything about that.

She only cares about how he makes her FEEL.

Most women just want to know that a man makes her FEEL ATTRACTED to him, and that he's open and loving and he'll always be the strong and solid person that he is today.

So even if a man is rich and handsome, if he doesn't LEARN to become a good partner who makes a woman EXPERIENCE LOVE and FEEL ATTRACTION, then the woman isn’t going to respond.

Like it or not, it works the same way for successful women.

Success won't buy you love, affection or get you shortcuts to a great situation with a man.

It just might help get you in the door.

REASON #4: ASSUMING THAT SUCCESS “STRATEGIES” CROSS OVER TO MEN AND RELATIONSHIPS

Successful women have obviously found and used smart “strategies” to get where they are with the people around them.

They try and test all kinds of new ideas, approaches, attitudes, etc. until they find what works and then they stick with what's best.

And things go great. It's like they've got the world and everyone around them all figured out.

That is, until they run into a “guy-problem” and somehow everything seems to instantly go whacko and stop working.

So they just take their best strategy and try harder and harder at it, sure that it will work since they've seen the world open up to them with it.

But there's no results this time and it's a total shock to the system.

Men are the WORST at doing this by the way.

Tons of husbands come home each night and try to run their family and marriage with the logic and efficiency that they use to make things work in business.

How do you think that works out?

REASON #5: SUCCESSFUL WOMEN OFTEN “ACCIDENTALLY” PREVENT MEN FROM NATURALLY FEELING ATTRACTION WITH THEM

Have you ever thought about how a man falls in love with a woman?

One of the most important and central elements of love that takes a man from just “interested” to “in love” with a woman is experiencing a LOSS of CONTROL and the absence of PREDICTABILITY with the woman.

And no, this doesn't mean that he gives control over to the woman and she has it.

I'll explain...

When a man is experiencing ATTRACTION and CHEMISTRY with a woman and he DOESN'T know exactly what's going to happen next, then everything becomes terribly exciting.

And if the woman isn't acting controlling or manipulative, then there's a “space” or “void” that's created between the man and woman.

It's this natural “psychological space” that moves the man closer and closer to the woman as he's trying close the “emotional gap” between them.

Then the man begins to wonder what he can do to win over more of the woman's affections and attention.

And it's this out of control feeling and the desire to fill in the gap between himself and the woman that starts the classic patterns of love.

Unfortunately, lots of successful women get in THEIR OWN WAY and prevent the natural patterns that lead to love from taking place.

The most common way that successful women get in their own way is when they starting doing things to control each and every aspect of what's going on between her and the man.

*Cue the semi-obsessive behaviors like those that the reader mentioned in her email.

Like plotting to be where a man will be and then pretending to have “run into him”.

I think a lot of us can identify with that kind of behavior in one way or another.

The problem with these kinds of behaviors is that they do something damaging to us when we use them.

These are self-manipulations that stir up all kinds of anxiety and distance in your own mind.

AVOID THESE kinds of things, because they only lead to more obsessive worrying and more plotting.

It's part of what's called a negative feedback loop.

What's most important here is that these behaviors do an almost perfect job of destroying the “tension” a man and a woman both feel when there's a “natural” flow of energy between them.

REASON #6: SUCCESSFUL WOMEN ARE USED TO BEING IN CONTROL

Most mature women want to have a great relationship and continually experience deep love and intimacy once they've found a worthwhile and attractive guy.

But often times their desire to have their ideal situation is so strong that it can actually drive them to try and CONTROL the situations they're in and the man they're with.

Successful women have an uncanny ability to pull together every aspect of their life and make it work.

But what happens when successful women who have been gracefully in control of their lives get into a situation where they can't CONTROL the outcome and the other people involved?

What happens when there is NO LOGICAL SOLUTION or straight-forward answer that will make things work out the way they're used to?

What happens when they get involved with a man and things are no longer within their ability to control?

In these situations, successful women often end up feeling completely OUT OF CONTROL and begin to panic.

And then FEAR kicks in because they're not used to not having total control of their environment.

So they start doing whatever they can think of or what works for them in other situations in order to try and get CONTROL back in their lives.

Of course, what they often do to try and regain control is negative, fear-driven, and doesn't take into account the feelings and desires of the man... and so it backfires.

The man freaks out, he sees her as “crazy” and then he withdraws.

You might unfortunately already know that story.

What's fascinating here is that the woman's attempts to CONTROL are often more DESTRUCTIVE than they are productive.

Trying to CONTROL how a man feels, what he thinks and how he acts around them, not only doesn't usually work for women - it often works AGAINST them and repels the man.

REASON #7: THEY FALL INTO THE TRAP OF USING “MASCULINE ENERGY” TO SHAPE THEIR LOVE-LIFE

The energy, drive, focus and discipline that can push women to success in their work can be a potent force to create the outcomes they want.

Unfortunately, this same attitude and approach DOESN'T translate over to getting outcomes women might want with men, love and relationships.

In fact, this attitude often becomes an obstacle to creating an intimate and loving situation with a man.

Successful women often make the mistake of approaching men and relationships with the same kind of intensity and energy that they seek to influence or control things at work.

They start to lead their interactions, conversations and decisions with men with what I call “masculine energy”.

This energy is very direct and purposeful and it has an amazing ability to motivate and push us to overcome and break through barriers.

But it isn't the energy that creates an intense and LASTING CONNECTION with a man.

The “feminine energy” is the energy that attracts a man and can lead and TEACH him how and why to stay open to a woman.

This feminine energy is what shows even the most clueless and reckless of men how to become great and loyal partners - just like it's the masculine energy that ATTRACTS women and shows them a man's strength, love and character.

Now, I'm not saying that women don't and shouldn't have masculine energy. Lots of attractive and interesting women are full of masculine energy.

But I've learned that women can be VERY SUCCESSFUL and have AMAZING LOVE LIVES by knowing when to use masculine and feminine energy.

The key is awareness.

So let me ask you....

When a woman uses or leads her interactions with a man with their more “masculine” energy, what happens?

Most men aren't able to open up or attach and connect with a woman who's meeting them with their “masculine energy”.

It doesn't make a man FEEL close, comfortable, trusting and it doesn't draw him in to connect with her.

In fact, lots of men react NEGATIVELY to women who present them with a lot of masculine energy.

When some women talk about men not liking successful women, this is what they're talking about.

Men don't like the masculine energy that a woman is putting in place of something WAY MORE IMPORTANT to a man:

How ATTRACTED he is to her and how she makes him FEEL.

So let's wrap this up for now...

One of the most critical things that I see successful women “missing” in their interactions with men, dating and relationships, is the idea of creating “Intellectual Attraction” - and using their natural “feminine energy” to do so.

A man might enjoy the idea of a woman being successful, but it isn't going to make him think about her like he might a woman who pushes all his male buttons.

A man doesn't think, “Gee, she's got a great job, makes good money and doesn't depend on anyone else to support her, I think I'll be into her.”

Actually, it's the exact opposite.

A man sees or meets a woman and Wham!

He instantly falls for her, and he can't exactly explain why.

And that's because there is no reason or logic to why it happens - it happens inside a man's mind.

When a man becomes attracted and interested in a woman, it's because his FEELINGS and EMOTIONS were TRIGGERED by something about the woman.

And no amount of logic, analyzing, convincing or “success” in a woman's life can control this.

If a man doesn't FEEL IT for a woman, nothing else will do the trick.

But if a woman CAN make a man feel attraction for her, then it doesn't matter how successful, gorgeous or shapely she is.

After years or research and observations, I've finally “cracked the code” on what actually works to trigger ATTRACTION in men.

And you'd be surprised to learn that ANY WOMAN can learn what these triggers are and how to start learning to use them in her own life and relationships.

Of course, I'm not just talking about that “one-night stand” male kind of attraction.

That's easy. Seduce a man.

I'm talking about the “long-term-he-stays-up- all-night-thinks-about-her-all-the-time-and-does- crazy-romantic-boyish-things-just-because-he-has- to” attraction.

That deeper and more intimate “relationship material” attraction.

I call this “Intellectual Attraction”.

In my ebook I talk about how any woman, including an analytical, successful and driven woman, can learn how to avoid all the common obstacles to love that they put up in their lives that men respond negatively to.

I discuss specific steps and theories about how to find and identify that great guy, build intense passion and attraction and turn all that into a great long term situation with a man.

So what do you have to lose?

I'll even let you try my ebook free just to see if you like it.

If you don't, all you have to do is email and I'll give you a full 100% refund... AND you can still keep the book.

That means all YOU have to do is be willing to open your mind to the idea that your love life can be better than it is right now.

And believe that you can have the chemistry, lasting attraction and love that you deserve.

So go check out my ebook for free and be on your way to the next great phase of your love-life.

Go here now:

• Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download •

And best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

©Copyright 2010, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.

October 2008 Love Horoscopes

2008-09-28T20:58:00.000-07:00

Your October 2008 Romance and Partnership Horoscopes
By Vanessa Calderon, Seventh Sense Astrology

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
You may get a nice surprise pertaining to a partner’s finances and desires this month, Aries. What he or she reveals to you will be generally positive. Remember that the surprises are happy ones and enjoy them even if you aren’t keen on knowing that there has been some action going on behind your back. Genuine warmth will come through from the people closest to you when you least expect it. Listen to the advice of a close friend mid-month because his or her intuition will be right on target, especially concerning your relationships. Come to think of it, your own intuition and dreams could end up providing you with enough information to help you and your loved ones make decisions about your stability and your ambitions.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
Look in the mirror if you are wondering why there seems to be a brick wall in between you and your ability to meet new and attractive people. There might seem as if there is a wedge in communication with some one who is far away, and you would like to fix that right now. Remember that it could be your own stubbornness that is preventing your love life (as well as other areas of your life) from going smoothly. Passion and affection need to be expressed gently now. Toward the end of the month the sun illuminates the marriage and partnership sector of your horoscope so try to hang in there until then, when people are more willing to share their thoughts and emotions with you.

GEMINI (May21-June21)
You will feel the effects of your ruling planet, Mercury, being in “Retrograde” motion during the first few weeks of the month, and then communication snags should end there. You will likely have a difference in opinion with some one over a sum of money that is shared by at least two people. The atmosphere is playful at times, and intense at other times in terms of romance. People are more willing to open up to you and will basically agree with your views after the third weekend of the month. Before then, use your sense of humor and your ability to be impish if you want to get your way. You might have to work a little harder to get partners to get with your program this month, but they will be receptive to an innocent-yet-flirty approach.

CANCER (June 22-July 23)
You will be saying, “I told you so” about fifty times this month, Cancer, especially when you are discussing family-related situations with your loved ones. Your romantic partners and prospects are no exception here. You can bet that you have given some great advice recently and that you will be proven right on more than one count. You are one hot tamale for most of the month, when you are wearing your sensuality on your sleeve. You might not even mean to be doing this, but you seem to have Bedroom-Eyes syndrome and that should get you some attention. And, has anyone ever told you that if you use your voice just the right way, it can be hypnotic? Well, put it to good use during the last week of the month and see the objects of your desire come rolling in.

LEO (July 23- Aug 22)
Your intuition will reveal information about some one you share or once shared a home with, Leo. Go with it. The news may not be all positive, but it is not all that surprising either. Stand your ground on important issues regarding loved ones. Don’t worry about whether or not any arguments you have will bring an end to a relationship, because that is not likely to happen. People you spend a lot of time with, as well as people you would like to approach and get to know better will not be a mystery to you by the third week of the month. They will be much more open and willing to communicate, and to flirt as well. Watch out for your wallet toward the end of the month, especially if you have a sudden urge to buy some one a gift. Beware of extravagance and going over-the-top.

VIRGO (Aug 23- Sept 22)
Could it be that some one is going to bail you out of a minor cash shortage, Virgo? That is not your style but if you just kick back and let it happen you’ll get some stress off your back. Clamming up around people you love, or who should know more about you, is not going to cut it this month. Keeping your mouth shut is not serving you well. Perhaps Mercury will give you the jumpstart you need to start opening your mouth in regards to love and your needs by the third week of the month. It is going to be a good month for you to spend time in or around water. Maybe that is just what you need, a good quality get-away with a good friend (better yet with a romantic interest, or with a friend who has the potential to be more than a friend). If you can’t travel to another locale for some R&R, then make some at home for a few terribly luxurious baths, complete with candles and aromatherapy.

LIBRA (Sept 23- Oct 23)
You’re not getting anywhere till Mercury quits stalling near the third week of the month, so don’t even try. I’m only half kidding here. You are taking a tunnel-vision approach on one or two issues right now so you may come across as if you are all business, or that you are a very serious person. Things will get moving again toward the end of the month and you can breathe a sigh of relief, especially when you realize that you may have been worried about something for no reason. You are also being put on alert: you are attracting some sneaky or secretive people this month. Don’t be alarmed about it, just ride it out until the end of October. You will not get duped if you use common sense. Listen to what people say to you, but use your judgment as to whether or not you trust the information. New people you meet who really turn you on are likely to be short-term associations. They will interest you for a while and you’ll just naturally move on.

SCORPIO (Oct 24- Nov 21)
The ball is in your court for a good part of this month, Scorpio. You can have what you want and you will be plenty magnetic. A word of caution: keep your mouth shut until Mercury says it is ok to share important personal information after October 24th. Do not share secrets pertaining to yours, or other people’s romantic issues. Your judgment might be a bit clouded and your intuition could fool you; you don’t want to look like an untrustworthy partner or friend by month’s end. You could run the danger of misinterpreting what you see and know regarding romance and love until the sun enters your sign around the 23rd. Wait until the last week of the month to decide if a new and attractive associate is really interested, or if he or she is just a very playful flirt. Watch your wallet and don’t spend too much money on a romantic interest or a crush during the last week of the month.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22- Dec 21)
Your closest relationships are very intense during the first week of October. Take it easy, and make sure that you don’t say the wrong things, especially to some one who you consider to be a good friend. Financial issues may be at the forefront of your closest personal relationships until the third week of the month. Somewhere around the 20th, you might find that a relationship or partnership situation changes drastically. If you have patience, you will come out on the other side much better off than you were when the month began. Passionate feelings rise to the surface during the last week of the month much like they did in the first week, except now you have answers to a few problems that were puzzling you early on. Once Venus enters your own sign around the 20th, you will regain control over whatever might have gone haywire in your most important relationships. Step back and pause so that you can think clearly when interruptions and hiccups happen at home.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22- Jan 19)
Saturn, your ruler, enlists the help of friends in places and at times when you least expect it. You could feel like you are standing at the edge of a canyon at the beginning of the month, but the canyon isn’t as deep as you perceive it to be. A loved one or close romantic partner may have news for you in the first half of this month. Someone from your past may reappear unexpectedly, so be ready to entertain them in your home. The air is a bit tense in partnerships until the third week of the month when Mercury and the sun give you a break you have been looking for. You can expect any snags or disagreements with business and work partners to lighten up and get resolved during the last week of the month as well. Emotionally, you might feel like pulling back and hiding your true feelings during the end of the month, but don’t be afraid to express your love to someone when it is necessary.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20- Feb 20)
Even though communications near and far are at a standstill at the beginning of the month, you should not doubt your intuition regarding relationships and partnership matters. Even people with whom you work and do business are very supportive of you in October, so don’t let any snags in paperwork or contracts bother you. You might feel like you are at odds with close partners but you are actually just playing off of each other in a slightly sarcastic manner. It is a wonderful time for you to use your sixth sense to tap into a passionate vibe that exists between you and a lover, or a close friend. The mood lightens during the last week of the month when travel is possible and exciting people from far away appear in your life. This energy will be fun so enjoy it.

PISCES (Feb 21- March 20)
Expect a pleasant surprise regarding a serious personal or partnership matter in the beginning of the month, Pisces. Lingering money matters will be straightened out by the 20th when Mercury lifts the suspense and brings some closure regarding joint financial matters. Your instincts are on target this month. Use your power of persuasion to help a loved one avoid making a romantic mistake. Toward the end of the month the sun will move into Scorpio and Mars will remain in Scorpio as well, making you feel very comfortable and confident about venturing into more intense and risky partnerships. Take a chance on reaching out to some one you admire from afar toward the end of this month. Love can also be found at work, though these types of relationships might work out better if you wait until November to find out if the feelings are mutual. Scope a colleague’s situation out carefully before making a move.

Dating Secret: What Makes Men Fall in Love

2008-09-28T20:51:00.000-07:00

Dating Secret: What Makes Men Fall in Love
There's into you, and then there's head-over-heels gaga. These little things tip single men over that edge.
By Cosmopolitan

It's a baffling dating question: Is there some specific moment or event that makes a guy suddenly decide "Yes, I think I love her"? Well, the answer isn't clear-cut, but there are some general dating principles. "Men have certain innate needs that must be met before they truly feel connected to you," says Paul Dobransky, MD, author of "The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love." When a guy realizes, consciously or not, that you're ideal on all these levels, that's when he'll commit."

Boiled down, guys have four primal relationship desires that are sometimes sated by the tiniest of dating moves by you.

Here, experts explain with examples so you can put these dating insights to use when your guy is at the brink.

The Desire: To Protect
Believe it or not, the so-called stoic sex is hardwired to nurture. Sheltering you from harm makes him feel studly, which makes him feel good. "Not that you should act helpless, but letting him see your vulnerable side will bring him closer because it unlocks his instincts to take care of you," says David Givens, PhD, author of "Love Signals." So give him chances to take charge, and thank him after he does. When a guy associates you with feeling like Superman, of course he'll want to couple up. These little things can draw out his hero side.
Give him a job. Ask him to fix or build you something. Performing concrete tasks is a way of bonding that enhances his sense of success.
Ask his opinion. Whether it's about your 401(k) options or the best travel sites, it telegraphs that you value his brain as much as you do his brawn.
Wear soft materials. Delicate textures like rayon, silk, and faux fur trigger an intense response in single men. These fabrics accentuate your softer, feminine nature, which heightens his amorous instincts. Don his clothes. It shows that you've chosen him over other guys.

The Desire: Freedom
Even emotionally healthy single men want assurance that their identities will stay put after they've become half a happy couple. "By making it clear that you don't expect your guy to change, he'll feel like you truly understand him but don't threaten his sense of self," says Dan Neuharth, PhD, author of "Secrets You Keep from Yourself." "That leaves him feeling on sturdy enough ground to commit." The following dating moves let him know you're no ball and chain.
Blow him off. Single men hate the idea of being tied down socially, so turn down occasional plans. He'll not only feel easier -- and open up more -- around you, but he'll also start to wonder what you're doing and pursue you more.
Share your own fears.

Guys often hold back because they think most chicks are baby-hungry ring-hunters

Guys often hold back because they think most chicks are baby-hungry ring-hunters. So if you feel nervous about committing, let him know. He'll be reassured that you're navigating new waters too, not trying to trap him.
Reinvent yourself. Little changes in your appearance now and then -- say, hair up in a ponytail one day, down the next, etc. -- remind him that you've got zillions of facets to your personality too. Read: no rut risks.
Respect his privacy. A physical space that's totally his is a huge symbol of independence to a man. Signal that you respect that by, say, staying out of desk drawers and not peeking at his caller ID when his phone rings.

The Desire: To Shine
Maybe he's cocky, but he's still insecure. Trust us, guys need to know that they're respected and appreciated. "When being around you increases a guy's esteem, both internally and in the eyes of others, he'll naturally want to be attached to you," says Dr. Dobransky. Here, things that show your high value and nudge him toward love.
Make him happier. Laugh when one of you loses balance during an intimate moment. Go to stupid movies. Drag him out when he's crabby. If you can keep things light, even during stressful times, you'll become indispensable.
Be a social butterfly. Guys are good at left-brain stuff, like sales and sports, but can get awkward when it comes to social graces. Take the lead and charm the people you meet and he'll be extra grateful to have you. But he may take credit for making those new friends... whatever.
Play mind games. Activities that require mental prowess -- like Scrabble, puzzles, and chess -- can prod his passion. It sounds nuts, but proof of your problem-solving abilities subconsciously shows him you're a desirable choice for carrying on his genes.
Act like the grand prize. Seeing you through other people's eyes reminds him how special you are. Invite him to an event where you'll excel (whether it's karaoke or a fun run), or have him stand between you and another man you think is getting too close at a bar.

The Desire: Comfort
"Falling in love is a process of developing attachment, which happens when oxytocin floods the brain," says Alan Hirsch, MD, neurological director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. You can unleash those love hormones by making him feel like you two just "fit." When he's so comfortable with you that he stops thinking about your relationship and simply enjoys it, he'll find himself nudged into love territory. Take these dating tips:
Let him see you primp. Grooming in front of him enhances intimacy because it's something other guys don't get to witness. Just keep it goddesslike (applying lipstick or powder), not gross (bleaching your moustache).
Cook together. Being around food spikes oxytocin levels in males. The more often you prep dinner a deux, the more he'll associate you with the good feelings he gets from eating it.
Stock your pad. When buying groceries you don't have a preference on, get a brand he uses. He'll subconsciously feel at home at your place. Catnap near him or let yourself doze off in his arms so he sees you in your most trusting, completely relaxed state.
What Yanks Him Back from the Brink
Some factors can derail a guy who's about to fall.
1) They Get a New Opportunity
A promotion often means spending more hours at work. Instead of balancing that with their love lives, guys tend to prioritize their careers and believe that a solid relationship will endure the delay. So if something big is brewing, he may hold himself back.
2) You Never Fight
Sure, guys hate arguing, but it's worse if you don't react negatively at all when he's screwed up. A guy will worry that (a) you're going to lash out later, (b) you're a doormat, or (c) you're not into him enough to care. Any of these will make him rethink your budding relationship.
3) Pure Panic
Many single men worry that if they commit, they'll have to give something up -- friends, dart night, something. So when a guy realizes he's fallen for you, he may freak out and pull away for a while. If you can weather his big-baby behavior without reacting in a way that confirms those fears, he should snap out of it.

How Interested is a man?

2008-09-15T09:06:00.000-07:00

How interested is a man?
By Christian Carter
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

If you've ever wondered about what draws a man in to connect deeply with a woman early so he can't help but want to see her again (for more than just a fling) then keep reading...

I'm about to share secrets about meeting and attracting great men that some women know but won't tell you, or can't explain.

You're also about to hear insights into how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly works for men, and what to do about it.

Here we go...

Have you ever noticed that just talking to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of impossible puzzle or “game”?

And the more you think about it or about trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole thing?

It's frustrating and annoying, right?

Does it have to be so much work?

Can't we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.?

Well, the truth is, it doesn't have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game... if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man.

I'll repeat that.

It doesn't have to be a game IF, and only if, you know how attraction works for HIM.

Notice that I didn't say how attraction works for YOU.

Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you?

Well, then let me ask you...

Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some “physical attraction” for you, and a man that becomes almost instantly connected and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level?

I'll give you a minute to think about the question...

Got it yet?

Give up?

The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or “strategy” just hasn't seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history.

And the crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or “strategies” on how they go about finding and creating love, connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren't working.

So what's the answer to the question from above about what makes that difference?

I'll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I'd like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the “casual dating” stage.

Then we'll look at the “deeper” kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific “how-to's” that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.

CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START

Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men?

And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or “issues” that they can't see for themselves, let alone do anything about?

Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you've also had that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him.

And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.

Ouch! Don't go to that negative place.

The truth is that you're not alone, and the good news is that it doesn't take months or years of therapy to find your own understanding of how things really work with men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it.

And it doesn't take months of intense schooling or training to change your love life for the better and get back to that open, connected, loving place that you know is there for you with a man.

Let's talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and what's going on underneath the surface here... because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.

Why?

The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them.

Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets “filtered” through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels.

So what impression are you making?

Do you know?

And what impression is the best one to make?

Let's start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number.

When this happens, for a man, it generally means one of several things:

“I think you're interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you...” (not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)

“I had a great time talking and I'd like to do it again sometime...” (likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn't “feel it” yet, even though there's a “logical” or rational connection or bond with things in common)

“I'm physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven't really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me...” (feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical)

“I feel attracted to you, and maybe “something more”... so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you're really all about...” (feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)

Any of these look familiar in hindsight?

Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it's important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he's already at from the start.

(And not finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that have women investing a ton of their precious time and energy with a guy that has no plans for having a deeper, loving, lasting relationship)

So... it sounds pretty important actually.

Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don't have a clue:

1. Don't Be Afraid To Ask Questions

So many times I hear women talk about how they don't ever want to come off as needy, “bitchy”, pushy, etc. with guys.

And often times, women will say something like, “I don't want to scare him off...”

Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the “real deal” early on:

A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get “scared off” IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way.

The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.

In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you're dealing with - plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man's real character and mindset by his response.

But some women refuse to believe that men can communicate on this open level because of their experience.

I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the “IF” there...

“IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE... way.”

It makes all the difference.

So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don't realize how much it affects our own subtle communication. (Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.)

B. Context is EVERYTHING

Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you're in?

It's fascinating to watch men and women communicate, because most of the things we learn and identify about each other happen through silent, indirect communication.

But sometimes you don't get the whole story, right?

Exactly. So it's important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know.

Like whether he's genuinely interested in you, or if he's just a player looking for a quick connection... and then he's “out.”

One great question I've heard women ask men is, “What kind of woman do you respect?”

This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds.

But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key... If you say that, and it's all about an “agenda”, such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar..., then I promise it's not going to go over well.

(But you already knew that... wink wink)

On the flipside, if what you're indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly - CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind.

2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM

There are several key “attitudes” and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with.

When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”, they become instantly attracted... and often don't even know why.

In fact, many times they can't help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn't consciously want more coming into the relationship.

Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men...

One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE.

I don't mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her.

No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men...

The unpredictability I'm talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.

A great example is when a man asks, “So, what do you do?”

Here's the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very “nice” and appropriate, but doesn't create attraction - “I'm an accountant and I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”

Or, “I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah...”

But wait... these are interesting things about you as a person that someone should know about and value, right?

Yes, but guess what?

Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other - if you want to be great friends.

And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you've got to realize that it doesn't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you.

Just like it's not a man's career that makes him attractive... it's his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does.

Following me here?

Good.

So instead, find a way to keep him guessing... Tell him some made up career that's ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you're having fun with him.

(And in case you don't realize it, men will have much more fun trying to guess and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away)

For example, if you're at a bar, tell him “I'm a social scientist doing research here to uncover how 'beer-goggles' really work on men.”

And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”

Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you're doing and jump into the fun with you... and he'll probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch.

And now you've got a fun, engaging connection... instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.

There's plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn't FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him.

Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.

HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN

So I've given you some quick tips on how attraction works, and some basic “how-to's” to think about for first impressions and early on.

But we've just touched the tip of the iceberg about how men really think and feel when it comes to dating.

This is by no means all “the goods.”

Which leads me to the question from earlier about what makes the difference between a man that is interested in a woman, but it probably won't go further than some physical connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her?

Well, most women learn at a relatively early age that men can experience just a physical attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more.

So what is that “something more” than Physical Attraction?

In my ebook, “Catch Him & Keep Him”, I explain in detail what that “something more” is.

It's what I call “Intellectual Attraction” and it's that feeling a man has for a woman that will have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a committed, loving relationship.

The entire first section of my ebook, “Inside The Mind Of A Man”, will give you a clear understanding of how men really and truly think about women, dating, and relationships.

You'll have a fresh perspective on how to improve your love life just by reading this section and understanding more about what's really going on with men.

I spell out the common places where challenges, resistance, and confusion arises in men when they're in relationships, and show you how to think about it differently and be able to avoid the resistance most other women run into again and again with men.

I've also devoted an entire section to the specific communication and behaviors that naturally create a deeper, more emotional connection with a man.

The last thing to remember is that you shouldn't do all “the work” in a relationship just to try and make things good with a man.

If you learn how to create a deeper connection with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction, then he'll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and make things better for you both.

So don't stay stuck in the same old patterns and strategies that haven't completely served you well with men.

Take the next easy step towards your new improved love life where connection and growth won't just come from your “hard work”, but from the man feeling so attached and “into” you that he'll be leading you both forward.

If you're not completely sure if the book is really going to change your love life for the better, then I've got good news for you...

I'll let you try my ebook out for free.

I'm so confident that it can help you, just as it's helped the thousands of other women who email me all the time, that I'm going to let you try it out free for a week.

If you don't like it, just let me know and you won't pay a thing - no questions asked. And you can even keep the ebook.

If you like it, keep it, read it, and watch your love life take off and become more fun and effortless than you might have ever imagined it would be.

So what are you waiting for?

Go get it right now:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

First Impressions That Make Men Want More

2008-09-08T10:20:00.000-07:00

Dating Advice:
First Impressions That
Make Men Want More

By Christian Carter

If you've ever wondered about what draws a man in to connect deeply with a woman early so he can't help but want to see her again (for more than just a fling) then keep reading...

I'm about to share secrets about meeting and attracting great men that some women know but won't tell you, or can't explain.

You're also about to hear insights into how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly works for men, and what to do about it.

Here we go...

Have you ever noticed that just talking to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of impossible puzzle or “game”?

And the more you think about it or about trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole thing?

It's frustrating and annoying, right?

Does it have to be so much work?

Can't we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.?

Well, the truth is, it doesn't have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game... if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man.

I'll repeat that.

It doesn't have to be a game IF, and only if, you know how attraction works for HIM.

Notice that I didn't say how attraction works for YOU.

Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you?

Well, then let me ask you...

Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some “physical attraction” for you, and a man that becomes almost instantly connected and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level?

I'll give you a minute to think about the question...

Got it yet?

Give up?

The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or “strategy” just hasn't seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history.

And the crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or “strategies” on how they go about finding and creating love, connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren't working.

So what's the answer to the question from above about what makes that difference?

I'll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I'd like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the “casual dating” stage.

Then we'll look at the “deeper” kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific “how-to's” that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.

CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START

Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men?

And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or “issues” that they can't see for themselves, let alone do anything about?

Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you've also had that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him.

And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.

Ouch! Don't go to that negative place.

The truth is that you're not alone, and the good news is that it doesn't take months or years of therapy to find your own understanding of how things really work with men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it.

And it doesn't take months of intense schooling or training to change your love life for the better and get back to that open, connected, loving place that you know is there for you with a man.

Let's talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and what's going on underneath the surface here... because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.

Why?

The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them.

Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets “filtered” through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels.

So what impression are you making?

Do you know?

And what impression is the best one to make?

Let's start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number.

When this happens, for a man, it generally means one of several things:

“I think you're interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you...” (not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)

“I had a great time talking and I'd like to do it again sometime...” (likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn't “feel it” yet, even though there's a “logical” or rational connection or bond with things in common)

“I'm physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven't really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me...” (feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical)

“I feel attracted to you, and maybe “something more”... so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you're really all about...” (feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)

Any of these look familiar in hindsight?

Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it's important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he's already at from the start.

(And not finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that have women investing a ton of their precious time and energy with a guy that has no plans for having a deeper, loving, lasting relationship)

So... it sounds pretty important actually.

Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don't have a clue:

1. Don't Be Afraid To Ask Questions

So many times I hear women talk about how they don't ever want to come off as needy, “bitchy”, pushy, etc. with guys.

And often times, women will say something like, “I don't want to scare him off...”

Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the “real deal” early on:

A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get “scared off” IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way.

The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.

In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you're dealing with - plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man's real character and mindset by his response.

But some women refuse to believe that men can communicate on this open level because of their experience.

I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the “IF” there...

“IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE... way.”

It makes all the difference.

So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don't realize how much it affects our own subtle communication. (Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.)

B. Context is EVERYTHING

Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you're in?

It's fascinating to watch men and women communicate, because most of the things we learn and identify about each other happen through silent, indirect communication.

But sometimes you don't get the whole story, right?

Exactly. So it's important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know.

Like whether he's genuinely interested in you, or if he's just a player looking for a quick connection... and then he's “out.”

One great question I've heard women ask men is, “What kind of woman do you respect?”

This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds.

But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key... If you say that, and it's all about an “agenda”, such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar..., then I promise it's not going to go over well.

(But you already knew that... wink wink)

On the flipside, if what you're indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly - CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind.

2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM

There are several key “attitudes” and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with.

When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”, they become instantly attracted... and often don't even know why.

In fact, many times they can't help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn't consciously want more coming into the relationship.

Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men...

One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE.

I don't mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her.

No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men...

The unpredictability I'm talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.

A great example is when a man asks, “So, what do you do?”

Here's the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very “nice” and appropriate, but doesn't create attraction - “I'm an accountant and I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”

Or, “I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah...”

But wait... these are interesting things about you as a person that someone should know about and value, right?

Yes, but guess what?

Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other - if you want to be great friends.

And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you've got to realize that it doesn't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you.

Just like it's not a man's career that makes him attractive... it's his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does.

Following me here?

Good.

So instead, find a way to keep him guessing... Tell him some made up career that's ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you're having fun with him.

(And in case you don't realize it, men will have much more fun trying to guess and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away)

For example, if you're at a bar, tell him “I'm a social scientist doing research here to uncover how 'beer-goggles' really work on men.”

And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”

Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you're doing and jump into the fun with you... and he'll probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch.

And now you've got a fun, engaging connection... instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.

There's plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn't FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him.

Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.

HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN

So I've given you some quick tips on how attraction works, and some basic “how-to's” to think about for first impressions and early on.

But we've just touched the tip of the iceberg about how men really think and feel when it comes to dating.

This is by no means all “the goods.”

Which leads me to the question from earlier about what makes the difference between a man that is interested in a woman, but it probably won't go further than some physical connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her?

Well, most women learn at a relatively early age that men can experience just a physical attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more.

So what is that “something more” than Physical Attraction?

In my ebook, “Catch Him & Keep Him”, I explain in detail what that “something more” is.

It's what I call “Intellectual Attraction” and it's that feeling a man has for a woman that will have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a committed, loving relationship.

The entire first section of my ebook, “Inside The Mind Of A Man”, will give you a clear understanding of how men really and truly think about women, dating, and relationships.

You'll have a fresh perspective on how to improve your love life just by reading this section and understanding more about what's really going on with men.

I spell out the common places where challenges, resistance, and confusion arises in men when they're in relationships, and show you how to think about it differently and be able to avoid the resistance most other women run into again and again with men.

I've also devoted an entire section to the specific communication and behaviors that naturally create a deeper, more emotional connection with a man.

The last thing to remember is that you shouldn't do all “the work” in a relationship just to try and make things good with a man.

If you learn how to create a deeper connection with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction, then he'll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and make things better for you both.

So don't stay stuck in the same old patterns and strategies that haven't completely served you well with men.

Take the next easy step towards your new improved love life where connection and growth won't just come from your “hard work”, but from the man feeling so attached and “into” you that he'll be leading you both forward.

If you're not completely sure if the book is really going to change your love life for the better, then I've got good news for you...

I'll let you try my ebook out for free.

I'm so confident that it can help you, just as it's helped the thousands of other women who email me all the time, that I'm going to let you try it out free for a week.

If you don't like it, just let me know and you won't pay a thing - no questions asked. And you can even keep the ebook.

If you like it, keep it, read it, and watch your love life take off and become more fun and effortless than you might have ever imagined it would be.

So what are you waiting for?

Go get it right now:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Qualities That Women Find Attractive

2008-09-04T18:31:00.000-07:00

Qualities That Women Find Attractive
From www.tesh.com

Good news, guys! You don’t need to be as funny as Will Farrell or made of money to impress the ladies! In fact, some of the qualities that attract women may surprise you! Chances are - you possess at least one of them. Here’s the 411, courtesy of the experts at Match.com.

It’s OK if you’re a man of few words. Dr.Emerson Eggerichs, author of the book Love and Respect, says yes, women love to communicate with the men in their lives, but that doesn’t mean long, drawn-out talks about every feeling you’ve ever had. The truth is - she can get the same communication without a single word being uttered. Simply stand face-to-face, look into her eyes and show your affection with a small gesture, like holding her arm or caressing her face. The important part is making eye-contact. As long as you’re really looking at her, which is a powerful form of intimacy, you’ll win her heart. No words needed.

Another quality that women find attractive: Your emotional attachment to your sports team. By their teens, most guys have learned to downplay their obsession with sports in front of women.Well, no need to hide it when your eyes tear up during the last 30 seconds of a game. In reality, women would rather see you get sappy over sports than never see you act mushy at all - it lets them know there’s a sensitive guy underneath. Hugging your friends after your team wins? Bonus points for showing unabashed emotion in public!

One last trait women find attractive: Your artsy side! You don’t need a fat paycheck to impress. Women actually find the frugal “I’m working on a screenplay” lifestyle alluring. Creative people tend to be charismatic, and their artistic pursuits are interesting to others. On the flipside, you don’t have to be a starving artist to appeal to women, either. If you’re an investment analyst, but you play the saxophone on the side, flaunt that hobby! Women like guys with creativity. Mostly, they like men who are passionate about something in their lives – no matter what it is.

Why Men Leave After The “Honeymoon” Is Over

2008-09-01T16:21:00.000-07:00

Why Men Leave After The “Honeymoon” Is Over

By Christian Carter

Hey there,

I'm about to tell you something about love that tons of men are going to be angry at me for saying...

I'll be “letting the cat out of the bag” with what lots of men REALLY think and feel when it comes to lasting love and relationships.

And why they're so often afraid of it, or just bad at being in one.

But, let me ask you something first:

Have you ever been in love?

I'm not talking about the “obsessive-psycho- can't-stop-calling-him-jealous-of-his-girlfriend- think-you're-getting-married-and-he-barely-knows- your-name“ love.

Sorry, you're on your own there...lol

There's a term for that - a “bunny-boiler”, like in that movie Fatal Attraction.

No, that's NOT the love I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the kind of love where you and a man connect and feel for each other on such a deep level that it's shared in all kinds of generous and intense ways.

And did you know there's a secret to love?

A secret that can help a man get rid of his fears of commitment and turn around his inability to share his affection and deeper feelings with you?

Well, there is.

I'll get to exactly what the secret is later in this email.

But think about this...

The reality is, most people have no real-world idea of how love is encouraged, begins, evolves, and sometimes fades away.

We just know how it makes us feel and that we really want it.

I might sound cynical, but I think that how most people react to the other person in their love life is more like an “emotional stop light” than anything else.

Stop. (red)

Slow down or speed up. (yellow)

Go. (green)

But our feelings, motivations and “inner- psychology” aren't wired this way.

When it comes to love and its complex effect on our mind and body, there's a whole lot more to it.

So using the behavioral and emotional equivalent of a stop light isn't going to cut it when you're looking to create a loving and lasting situation.

Here's where I'm going with this...

If you take the time to learn about what love actually is to our minds and bodies, and more specifically how men perceive and experience love, then your odds of success (happiness and fulfillment) go WAY up.

So let's get started.

THE MAGIC OF THE “HONEYMOON STAGE”

There are a few stages to love.

The first, and by far the favorite, is the honeymoon stage we all know about.

As I see it, the honeymoon stage is basically 50 to 100 times LESS important than any other stage because it's where all relationships start and thrive.

But a majority of relationships start falling apart or end once the honeymoon is over.

For lots of couples, love starts out as an intense “can't-be-apart-stay-up-all-night- talking-and-touching” experience.

When you're in love, you probably think about the guy ALL the time and want to spend every possible moment with him.

And you and your guy share an intense connection.

The chemistry is so thick you could cut it with a knife.

And the world, people, colors, smells... everything seems brighter.

The attraction level is unbelievable.

The honeymoon stage does some crazy things to your body too.

Here are a few of the “Love Symptoms” that come with these chemicals in the honeymoon stage:

- heightened awareness (your senses) - reduced appetite - increased heart rate - increased energy level - an increase in your sex drive - feelings of euphoria (intense happiness) Actually, I'm kinda feeling this way right now after my third cup of coffee here at Starbucks.

Anyway...

So that's the first stage of love we all know about, want to be in, and want to keep going.

It's no wonder that the honeymoon stage is often the easy part.

But there's a simple and unpleasant fact about the honeymoon stage...

If you don't know what's going on with a man in each stage of love, and what you're doing and how he perceives it, all the great parts of the honeymoon stage won't last forever.

WHAT MEN THINK ONCE THE HONEYMOON IS OVER

I get emails everyday from women wanting to know how they can “get back” to where things were when things started with a man.

They remember how things used to be and wonder why they can't be that way now.

So they ask themselves...

“Why is he so distant?”

“Why doesn't he share his feelings anymore?”

“Why don't I feel close to him, and why am I not getting my emotional and other needs met like I used to?”

So why is this so common to so many women?

I've recognized what a big part of it is.

CHANGE.

When things are good, or more to the point, comfortable or predictable in our lives, we DON'T like the idea of change... at all.

In any relationship, after the initial attraction, mystery, intrigue, etc. passes and the honeymoon slows, guess what?

Things start to change inside a relationship.

Whether you like it, or not.

And both the man and the woman are responsible to know how to see it, think about it and deal with it.

And here's where TONS of women run into a whole set of COUNTERPRODUCTIVE thoughts and SELF- DESTRUCTIVE behaviors.

They get caught up in an almost hopeless battle to try and prolong the honeymoon stage and the ease by which they could connect and share with the man.

Especially when they don't see that the man is noticing or making the same efforts that they are.

This usually shows up with things like the following (tell me if any of these sound familiar?):

Noticing that a man isn't as attentive or affectionate anymore, so you pull back to see if he'll notice and close the gap, but he doesn't and so you withdraw, leaving nothing but distance between the two of you

Trying to CONVINCE a man to FEEL some way or act some way he used to or you want him to, which of course doesn't work because you can't “logically” make someone FEEL an EMOTION, and it all ends up backfiring as he sees you as needy or “nagging” and pulls away more

You start “trading” him for the normal caring things any couple should do for each other. You only act open or affectionate if he does something first. You only initiate things physically if he does something first, etc. The list goes on...

Recognize anything here?

Well, unfortunately, these common behaviors actually work as a special high-grade form of “man-repellent” in a relationship.

When men sense the emotionally uneasy feeling these create, they most often do one thing with a woman...

WITHDRAW.

And they start their own weird emotional versions of the same kinds of destructive and distance-creating behaviors.

The truth is, every woman is going to go through situations that are going to make her want to react in these COUNTERPRODUCTIVE ways.

But there is a better way...

THE DANGEROUS SECRET OF MEN IN LOVE

So what comes after the honeymoon stage?

And how can a woman stay close and connected with a man so they both transition into the next stage together and enjoy it?

And why do so many relationships fall flat during this time?

The next stage in our emotional love cycle is what scientists have called the “bonding stage”.

This second set of feelings and experiences are the “settle-down-raise-a-family-spend-time- cuddling-watching-movies-together” ones.

They're all about bonding, attachment, comfort and more long term stuff.

I've been thinking about one big important question that I know tons of women want to know about which relates to this.

We all know that lots of men can have a hard time staying connected and close to a woman after the honeymoon.

When the intense physical attraction changes and things become more “emotionally involved”.

Lots of times they'll become distant, boring, unpassionate, lazy, or ever worse...

Unfaithful.

Yikes.

With all this going on, the question is...

* Once you have love, how do you make it last?

Here's where I'm going tell you the secret that most women don't know about men and love.

And it has to do with keeping things going strong once “the honeymoon stage” is over.

Men have a dark secret they won't tell you about on their views of love.

And for most men, they couldn't even tell you if they wanted to, because they don't even know it about themselves...

It's also something that most women can't understand about men.

I know you've wondered about it in the past and even said it to yourself.

Well, you were right.

Most men know about 1,000 times less than you do about real lasting love.

About communicating about love, experiencing it, sharing it, feeling it intensely, keeping it going... all of it.

And hey, maybe that wasn't such a secret to you... but you're finally hearing it from the horse's mouth. (a man)

Seriously though - we men can be idiots when it comes to being open and close with our partners in long term relationships.

We don't understand some of the things that seem natural, intuitive and obvious to most women.

And we often stop paying attention to the important aspects of a relationship, including consistency in communication, affection, honesty, you name it.

I see it all around me, and sometimes within myself too, as a man.

But the reality is that this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Here's the thing...

Some men weren't brought up with a real clear idea of what else there is to love besides passion, sex, social status and maybe having a family.

Which leads me to another secret about men in love...

Deep down, men expect love to stay in the “honeymoon stage”.

Think about it.

For lots of men, the honeymoon stage IS the only part of love they've ever even thought about or identified as being something they really truly want.

I'm talking about the chemistry, the attention and the ATTRACTION here that so often drives men CRAZY and has them acting in ways they'd be embarrassed for their guy friends to know about.

That's why, for so many men, when the “honeymoon stuff” isn't new anymore, they think love and passion have all but disappeared.

And the truth is, for lots of men, they don't know what else love is about... so they start to think that maybe this really isn't what they thought it was.

Men at this stage often say things like:

“I guess she's NOT the one.”

Or...

“I love her, but I'm not IN LOVE with her anymore...”

Or...

“She's not the person she used to be when we met, and that 'spark' is gone.”

A LOT of this can be chocked up to the fact that the man AND the woman aren't feeling all the intense honeymoon “stuff” anymore.

And less mature, non-committal men plain DON'T KNOW what is “supposed” to happen, and how it works as love moves into the bonding stage.

They often end up making terrible or disappointing boyfriends or companions.

Scary, huh?

WHAT CREATES A LASTING CONNECTION WITH A MAN - BEYOND THE “HONEYMOON STAGE”

There's something FASCINATING that I recognized a few years back as I was studying and observing behaviors inside relationships.

Some women actually had an EASY time in relationships with men, while other women NEVER did, no matter what they tried.

In other words...

Being close, committed, passionate, intimate- these were all relatively simple and almost effortless for some women to have in a relationship.

While other women had to fight, argue and STRUGGLE just to try and share the things they felt, were “the basics” in any relationship.

Here's the thing...

The women I knew who were the most successful at finding and creating what they wanted in their love lives with men all had a few KEY TRAITS or “habits” in common.

In other words, there are several specific actions and behaviors that these women do inside relationships that make a man FEEL close and deeply CONNECTED to them.

After studying these things that some women do, and others don't do with men, I've boiled them down to two basic “relationship skills̶.

And these two things directly relate to wheth1er a woman will have a strong, close and secure connection or “bond” with a man beyond the honeymoon stage...

Or if the man will start to question everything about the woman he's with and their relationship, and close off.

1. THINKING AND COMMUNICATING WITH A MAN IN HIS “EMOTIONAL CONTEXT”

I learned something that works in every area of life by studying love and relationships.

People who are great with people and relationships tend to communicate in a way that is targeted or aimed at the OTHER PERSON'S point of view, experience, and level of understanding.

Translation: if you want to really connect with a man, then HIS LEVEL of "“emotional awareness” becomes YOUR CONTEXT for conversations about love and relationships.

Otherwise, he's not going to “get” or respond to anything you're talking about.

And everything you say and do to try and get him to understand you, and make him feel or act differently, will BACKFIRE.

And he'll become MORE DISTANT and LESS OPEN to communicating and understanding YOU.

And yeah, I get that a man SHOULD get most of this stuff that you probably already do about love and a relationship if he's in one with you-

But if he doesn't... don't make the FATAL MISTAKE tons of women make here by trying to CONVINCE him of what you know and feel, to be what he needs to think and feel also.

Assume a man has no idea of where you're coming from when you talk to him about something you'd like to be different in your relationship.

Let me teach you a trick I learned by watching women who are great at communicating with men in relationships...

An easy way to get in touch with his level of awareness and where he's at, is to ask him what he thinks about the relationships of the couples you both know.

You can learn a TON about how a man thinks about dating and relationships this way...

And learn how to approach him and communicate with him as a result.

2. EMOTIONAL “INVESTING” (NOT SPENDING)

A while back in my life, I started looking at relationships more like investments in people, instead of a way to get a pay-off for myself.

Investing usually means that you give up something big to get a little back consistently over time.

In other words, you don't expect an immediate, greater or equal return for what you're putting in.

It has become the Golden Rule that I've learned about people and relationships that helps keep me happy and sane:

“You'll always give more than you'll get - but it doesn't “cost” you anything to give... so keep giving without any immediate expectation.”

So yeah, I'm saying for you to be the person to make things happen.

Take the fate of your love life into your own hands.

Be generous, take action, surprise him and be spontaneous instead of waiting for him to do it with you.

I know this can be tough and frustrating.

If you're like most people, then you want someone to just “get you” and give you the kind of love and attention you crave.

But if you can separate what you want from what it takes to create it, you'll find that doing these things will get you RESULTS.

And you'll see that doing the things THAT WORK can be like magic with a man...

If you know what they are.

If you learn to trigger the responses and feelings that make a man feel MORE than physical attraction, and instead feel a deeper, more EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION, men can instantly become more open partners and lovers than they ever were before.

And here's the best part...

These effects can LAST - if you know how to keep these interactions going.

There's a way to share with a man, that won't frustrate you, leave you feeling unappreciated and left doing all the work.

It might seem like it sometimes, but you don't have to “carry all the weight” in a relationship with a man just to be close and loving.

In fact, this is a HUGE MISTAKE tons of women can't keep themselves from making.

But, if you want things to be different and easier in the LONG TERM, then you're going to have to learn what to do, and when to do it, when it comes to men and dating.

The BEST way to figure this out is to start understanding and identifying the signals and behaviors men send out.

Reading these signals, and knowing exactly what to expect in each critical situation from first date to a real commitment, can let you grow together from stage to stage smoothly and without conflict or the insecurity of uncertainty.

My eBook, “Catch Him And Keep Him” talks about how men act in each one of the different stages of dating and relationships, and what their behavior means at each critical moment.

It will give you REAL WORLD insights into what men think and feel, and what you can and need to expect, in the following areas:

- First dates - Sharing deeper emotions and feelings - Getting physical or intimate - Having “the talk” - Working out relationship “issues” - Creating a spoken and lasting commitment You can learn to spot the “silent” or indirect signals men send out about what they're thinking and what they're really looking for.

You might not see it now, but a man wants you to understand these signals and “get” him.

Especially if you're going to have a serious relationship that LASTS.

But you can only do this IF you know what to look for.

If you want to learn more about how to keep the powerful and emotionally addictive feelings of the honeymoon stage going after the honeymoon is over, and how to turn that into a lasting connection and relationship - then check out my ebook.

There's an entire section on the “psychology of men” when it comes to attraction, and how and why a man will commit to a long term relationship, or NOT.

After looking through literally thousands of books and research on the subject, I feel confident that my eBook is the world's best “REAL WORLD” reference and guide to understanding men and dating.

It will show you EXACTLY how to meet and attract a great guy, what to do and not do, and teach you step by step how to create a foundation for a relationship with a man that will be fulfilling and LAST.

If you learned just ONE thing that got you on your way to creating a happier and more love filled relationship, wouldn't it be worth looking at?

I'd say so.

In fact, I'm so sure that my ebook will DRAMATICALLY IMPROVE the quality of your love life, here's what I'm going to do...

I'm going to let you check out my eBook FREE for 7 days.

Read it, think about it, use it, try it out, and dig into each and every section and exercise.

Then... once you've been through it to see if it really works for you, decide if you want to keep it.

If not, just let me know and you won't be charged for anything. Period. No questions asked.

You literally have nothing to lose here -

And EVERYTHING in love and connection to gain.

I'm 110% confident that you're going to love my ebook and you'll want to tell your friends all about it - just like the literally thousands of women who have already downloaded and read my book.

Go here now and check out the details and download your free trial:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Best of luck in life and love and I'll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

©Copyright 2010, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.
“Catch Him And Keep Him” and “Christian Carter”
are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.

Age Groups

2008-08-28T16:37:00.000-07:00

Age groups of Singles Events

I just sent out an email confirmation to attendees of this Saturdays event reconfirming the date, time and specifics. The email included the following:

Event: SLY FOX INN- Women 39-50 and Men 41-53 (one year grace period): Proof of age required. Anyone misrepresenting their age will not be allowed to participate and is not eligible for a refund.

I immediately received a phone call with the following conversation:

Mandy:

Hi, just got the email about this Saturday. It said that the women go up to age 50, but I am 53. Is that a problem?

Jay
I am sorry Mandy, but it is a problem. We really do stick to the ages we advertise, with a one year grace period and require proof of age at the event.

Mandy
I didn't know, or must have misread the ages when signing up.

Jay
I will be right back, I need to look at your reservation

Jay
Mandy, when you made your reservation, you submitted your year of birth as 1963 indicating you were 45 years old.

Mandy
Oh, Uh, Oh, I made a mistake when making the reservation

Jay
I am sorry Mandy, but we can not have you participate in this event. I do have another event next month for your age bracket and can put you in for that.

Mandy
This is not fair! The men go up to age 53 and it should be the same age bracket for both the men and the women!

Jay
Mandy, I agree, the way we do age brackets may not work for everyone and I am sorry if they do not work for you. There are two issues here, one being that you do not like our policy, and the second being that you misrepresented yourself when making the reservation.
It is not fair for us to advertise one age group to someone and then deliver something else. People pay good money to come to these events and will receive what is advertised.

Mandy
Ok, I still do not like your policy, but put me in for next months event at the Sly Fox

Age Group Policy

Is it fair that the men's ages skew slightly higher than the women? No, it is not. However about 75% of men we speak with are interested in meeting a woman a little younger. About 60% of the women we speak with are interested in meeting a man that is a little older. Previous speed dating test events where the age ranges of the men and women were the same, had very poor attendance.

Five years ago about 90% of men we spoke with, were only interested in meeting a younger women, so values are starting to change. We will plan on having a mature woman/younger man event in the future.

The bottom line is that this is not a perfect system and it will does not work for everyone. None of my competitors (to my knowledge) checks proof of age at the event, so although they may advertise the same age groups for men and women, nothing is done to ensure this.

Your feedback really does make a difference. This weeks age bracket of Women 39-50 and men 42-53 is a direct result of feedback from a lot of women ages 49 and 50 who felt excluded from a different age bracket we do that has women 37-47 and Men 40-51.

So please email me with your suggestions and ideas at info@WeekendDating.com.
And to the guys who are reading this, if you are open to dating a woman a little bit older, please email me at info@WeekendDating.com so I can set age groups for the Mature Women/ Younger Man event.

Thanks
Jay